From Nanny To Mom

Most parents’ envision what the first meeting between child and parent's will be like. Whether it’s a birth or an adoption. With a birth there will be lots of pain and tears of joy. I think most people when they think about the first time adopted parents meet their child(ren) there’s just joy. I was one for sure.

Last summer I read a great book about a China adoption. Unfortunately I can’t remember the name. There was one part in the book just before they were going to meet their daughter and the social workers had told them not to cry when they first meet her. The view was it would upset the child. I thought, "That’s crazy how can they not cry after all that waiting and anticipation?" I was looking at it from my point of view. We’ve been working the adoption process for four years now. Had lots of highs and lots of lows. I’ve desired to have children for over 12 years. Many emotions have been shoved deep down so I could just continue to move forward. We’ve loved our children before we had a name, gender, age or any other piece of information. For two months now we’ve known who our children are and we can’t wait to be their mom and dad. We have been preparing for this day and the days that will follow.

Now that it’s our turn to meet our children my thoughts are much different than a year ago reading that book. Now I think about my two boys. For them there was nothing wrong with their birth mom or their village. In the past two months they’ve been taken from their home, their birth family and placed in some strange place. The two boys have been separated from each other and their ability to communicate. Their nannies don’t even speak the same language as they do.

My mother taught me about selfish love and unselfish love. Selfish love is just like it sounds. You do things out of love that benefit you. Unselfish love is when you do things denying your needs and putting the needs of another before yours. She said when you become a parent you need to demonstrate unselfish love. I pray that when we meet T & K we demonstrate unselfish love.

When we meet T & K we’ll be nobody’s. We’ll know they are our sons, forever. Our love will be there. Our commitment is there. However, we’ll need to contain our emotions and meet them where they are. This is a journey we’ll walk together. The first step of the journey together will begin that day.

My father in heaven loves me more than I love my sons. He knew one day he and I would be united. It took a long time for me to trust him and get to accept him. Then one day I called him Father and Lord. He didn’t flood me with all his love at first. He met me where I was and slowly reveals his love for me each day. As we continue to walk together our relationship deepens.

With our sons, at first we’ll be strangers. Then they’ll see us as caretakers or nannies. One glorious day we’ll be their Mom & Dad.

"We love him, because he first loved us."

1 John 4:19