The Power of the Tongue

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit."
Proverbs 18:21

Initially, I never questioned whether I had control over whether or not I would have children. So realizing that I didn’t came as a shock. At the onset of this journey I made a personal pledge to be transparent in my struggles with infertility. This was a welcome mat for many well meaning but hurtful words from others. Yes at times I was hypersensitive to others. I remember one specific time someone said something very hurtful and I thought, "That was ignorant." Then I realized it really was ignorant. They had no idea how painful their words were. I was able to take the focus off myself and thank God they were ignorant. That meant they were unfamiliar with infertility and all the pain associated. Thankfully God had brought me to a place of accpetance. I trust in HIS plan to build our family through adoption. However, there are lessons that were learned and now shared.

One in six couples in North America will experience a significant infertility problem during their married life.

Here are my top ten things NOT to stay when someone shares their infertility struggle.
1."It will happen quicker if you relax and stop worrying." I’ve had the desire to have children for over 10 years and my age is an issue (or will be).
2."You DO know it takes sex to make a baby, right?" Really not funny.
3."If you want kids, take mine!" Especially nice to hear after a birth mother changes her mind.
4."I'll lend you my husband -- he just looked at me and I got pregnant." So happy to hear it was so easy for you, not.
5. "Aren't you pregnant yet?" No-- and my monthly reminders aren’t enough thank you for filling in the gaps.
6."You’ve got more time to spend together-be thankful." Our love is so awesome we want to share it.
7."You can’t miss something you never had." I’ve had to bury a child no one could see but was real in my dreams.
8."Maybe it wasn't meant to be." Hello rain cloud.
9."Just adopt-you’ll get pregnant." It’s a lot more complicated than you know.
10. My personal favorite…"Think of all the money you’ll save?"

What can you do the help?

1.Let them cry; cry with them. Sometimes we just need to let it out.
2. Pray for them. The power of prayer accomplishes much.
3. Tell them you’re praying for them. It’s comforting.
4.If you have nothing to say, say nothing. Give a hug and ask them if there’s anything you can do to help.
5. Be ready to listen.
6. Don't offer advice unless you are very well informed.
7.Be sensitive and don't joke about infertility.
8.Be patient. It’s hard enough for us to remain patient without concern with yours.
9. Tell them privately when someone close to you both is pregnant. It gives them time to process their reaction.
10. Above all, be there when they need you and show them that you care.

The Unseen Burial

Before there was a decision to adopt, there was a burial.

This is from the book "Children of open adoption." It is for the unborn child of an infertile couple.
"Today I close the door of the nursery
I have kept for you in my heart.
I can no longer stand in its doorway.
I have waited for you there so long.
I cannot forever live on the periphery
of the dream world we share,
& you cannot enter my world.
I have fought to bring you across the
threshold of conception & birth.
I have fought time, doctors,devils &God almighty.
I am weary & there is no victory.
Other children may someday live in my heart but never in your place.
I can never hold you.
I can never really let you go. But I must go on.
The unborn are forever trapped within the living
but it is unseemly for the living to be trapped forever by the unborn."
by E. Van Clef

All I Really Want For Christmas

"...You are the defender of orphans...Lord, you know the hopes of the helpless. Surely you will listen to their cries and comfort them. You will bring justice to the orphans and the oppressed, so people can no longer terrify them."
-Psalm 10:14, 17-18
Thanks for sharing the following Ruthie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzIEybWYPqE

Wars and rumors of wars

I was on a question & answer call yesterday with our agency. One person asked about the rumors about Ethiopia going to war. It was stated they didn’t think if war broke out it would be in Ethiopia. One of the agency employee's who has worked in international adoption for years commented that she has seen many different situations arise in other countries. International adoption was able to continue when there had been wars within the country. International adoption will stop in a country if the government is unable to function. This news was encouraging to the "waiting families."
The next family waiting on the list for an infant boy had their dossier sent in March. It was the same for the next family waiting for an infant girl. The next family waiting for preschool siblings had their application in July. So their wait was about 6 months. The agency representatives are still anticipating a 6-month wait for referral. The travel time is still 1-3 months but the last few have been in two months from date of referral. Based on those #’s our referral may be received in March and travel in May. One thing for sure, it will be in God’s perfect time.

Why Nemo-Nema

Why Nemo & Nema? When Rick and I first started on this journey in 2002 we got a little tongue tied when referring to our child. There were so many unknowns. So we decided to use the nickname Nemo. It was our way of knowing whom we were talking about. Sounds better than Kid. The name Nemo became such a part of our vocabulary we’d start to use it when talking with friends. So then we’d explain who Nemo was. When we first started our process with our adoption agency we were told we couldn’t request an infant and an older sibling. So it was just Nemo. This past September when I found out the referral for infants had increased to 12 months from when the dossier was sent to Ethiopia I called the agency program director. During that conversation I found out we could request an infant and an older sibling. Thank you God. So that’s where the two nicknames came from. We don’t know the sex or age of either child. Our request is two siblings, either sex, one or two infants or one child under age 4. So now you’ll know who we’re referring to when we mention Nemo and Nema.