Meeting T & K's birth family.

Update on boys. Rick went in to get T today and today he only wanted daddy. When we got K alone he told me stories.

The following is about our birth family visit from yesterday.

Yesterday we met T & K's birth family. The day started at 6am. We traveled with another couple who adopted twins and their children were from the same village. The trip was about a 6 hour drive into the country. It was absolutely beautiful.

All the pictures we've seen on National Geographic were before our eyes. After about 3 hours driving we got a flat tire. As we changed it everyone came out to look at us. Then with one hour left of the journey we stopped at a hotel. Just before the driver told us he was going to leave us there, while he went to get the tire fixed, we had read in a tourist book it was the armpit of Ethiopia and not very friendly to westerners. While we waited we had coffee. The best coffee I've ever had.

Three men came up and introduced themselves as part of our group. One was the social worker for the area, one the sponsorship coordinator and the last was our sons' uncle. How amazing to be able to sit and speak to their uncle. He is the brother of their father. His English was pretty good. He looks like K.

It was an emotional day and I just wanted to get all the information my sons will ask later. I kept staring at the uncle trying to memorize everything. The driver came back and we all piled into the car. We drove for about another 1 ½. The uncle told us the other couple and our sons are related. We didn't get the complete picture of how because although their English was good it wasn't great. So we decided to call them cousins.

The uncle was giving the directions as we drove into a more rural part. Then we stopped and we had to walk the rest of the way. We walked through corn fields mostly. Finally we came to a small clearing with about 4 "houses." Outside we learned it was our birth family. The other couple took pictures and video of our visit. We met the birthmother, all the siblings, grandmother, grandfather, aunt and probably others. There were about 15-20 people at the visit. First everyone was introduced.

When we met the birthmother she and I hugged. It was a long strong I don't want to let you go kind of hug. With arms still holding each other we locked eyes and smiled. After the introductions the social worker read my letter in one language and the uncle translated it for the birth family. She gave no reaction until the second to the last sentence. I didn't know if we were breaking social norms in the content or what. We had listed about four qualities we wanted to teach our boys. The last one was to be Christ centered. She started to quietly cry and shared why. The social worker told us she had been praying a Christian couple would adopt her sons and that was what mattered most to her.

Then we asked questions. One was to describe the day the boys were born. She started to cry/laugh. It appears the day we met was K's birthday in Ethiopia. Sunday was July 12, 1999 and K turned one. She had a sign on the wall inviting the whole village over to celebrate his birthday. Is that not amazing?

Then we shared pictures and took pictures. She made us a wonderful meal. Home made bread, home made cheese, ensect (sp?), avocado's and banana's.

There's more to the visit but I'm going to sign off here. I don't want to press my luck. The power has been going on and off since we got here.

We made it.

Hello all,

We made it.

Yes very long trip. Meeting T & K was nothing like I expected. I didn't bubbler like a fool and they both are Mommy's boys. T would not let go of me and didn't want to leave me, even for dad. K is very quiet. T when we get him alone talks a lot. True to his character when we gave him a stuffed animal he gave it to K.

That's all for a few days. We are very tired and have a long next few days.

From Nanny To Mom

Most parents’ envision what the first meeting between child and parent's will be like. Whether it’s a birth or an adoption. With a birth there will be lots of pain and tears of joy. I think most people when they think about the first time adopted parents meet their child(ren) there’s just joy. I was one for sure.

Last summer I read a great book about a China adoption. Unfortunately I can’t remember the name. There was one part in the book just before they were going to meet their daughter and the social workers had told them not to cry when they first meet her. The view was it would upset the child. I thought, "That’s crazy how can they not cry after all that waiting and anticipation?" I was looking at it from my point of view. We’ve been working the adoption process for four years now. Had lots of highs and lots of lows. I’ve desired to have children for over 12 years. Many emotions have been shoved deep down so I could just continue to move forward. We’ve loved our children before we had a name, gender, age or any other piece of information. For two months now we’ve known who our children are and we can’t wait to be their mom and dad. We have been preparing for this day and the days that will follow.

Now that it’s our turn to meet our children my thoughts are much different than a year ago reading that book. Now I think about my two boys. For them there was nothing wrong with their birth mom or their village. In the past two months they’ve been taken from their home, their birth family and placed in some strange place. The two boys have been separated from each other and their ability to communicate. Their nannies don’t even speak the same language as they do.

My mother taught me about selfish love and unselfish love. Selfish love is just like it sounds. You do things out of love that benefit you. Unselfish love is when you do things denying your needs and putting the needs of another before yours. She said when you become a parent you need to demonstrate unselfish love. I pray that when we meet T & K we demonstrate unselfish love.

When we meet T & K we’ll be nobody’s. We’ll know they are our sons, forever. Our love will be there. Our commitment is there. However, we’ll need to contain our emotions and meet them where they are. This is a journey we’ll walk together. The first step of the journey together will begin that day.

My father in heaven loves me more than I love my sons. He knew one day he and I would be united. It took a long time for me to trust him and get to accept him. Then one day I called him Father and Lord. He didn’t flood me with all his love at first. He met me where I was and slowly reveals his love for me each day. As we continue to walk together our relationship deepens.

With our sons, at first we’ll be strangers. Then they’ll see us as caretakers or nannies. One glorious day we’ll be their Mom & Dad.

"We love him, because he first loved us."

1 John 4:19

Countdown

This past weekend was our last weekend without children. What did we do? Slept in! We'll be leaving this Friday arriving Sat. morning. Saturday we'll meet T & K for the first time. Then Sunday morning, 6am, we'll leave for about a 6 hour drive to meet the birth family. Stay overnight and travel back Monday to meet the rest of our group for lunch. Then off to the Embassy with T & K to get their visas. Later that night we all go out as a group to dinner and to see Ethiopian dancing. I'm tired just thinking about it. PLEEEEASE pray for us. We'll be so tired by Monday. However, I am thankful we get to meet their birth family.

Here's a post Aussieopian Family highlighted. It talks about the do's and don'ts for family and friends when adopting. It says it all, please read.
P.S. In four day's we'll be with T & K. GRIN

Meet Quincy

Back in June a co-worker and I were in a Disney store shopping (it was at night. We were traveling). She found this boy doll and his name is Quincy. Well as you know I’ve mentioned it’s hard to find ethnic diversity in toys so I bought Quincy.

I brought Quincy home and showed him to anyone who would slow down long enough to look. Then I started taking pictures of Quincy on T & K’s things. Like Quincy sleeping in T’s bed. Or Quincy sitting in K’s highchair. I was having a great time. Rick was getting worried his wife had really lost it. Then in a moment of clarity I decided to take pictures of Quincy in, on or around anything that the boys will see when they are brought home. When we’re in Ethopia we’ll show them the pictures. Hopefully, they’ll be familiar with their new home and see Quincy as their new friend.

We have pictures of Quincy in the following poses:

Sitting on our front steps
Sitting in a chair by the pool
Sitting on the steps in front of the pool
In K’s highchair
In K’s crib
In T’s bed
On the chair that’s in their room
On the changing table
On the coach in the living room
On the coach in the family room
In the car sit in the van
In the stroller
Last but not least; Quincy with their big brother Brady
Here’s my favorite pictures of Quincy.

Attack of the Nipples

A few days ago I went to a department store to buy bottles. In the baby section I found a whole aisle dedicated to bottles and nipples. At first glance I was a bit intimidated by the large variety. However, I figured I’m a reasonably intelligent person. I’ll be able to figure it out. So I started to read the packaging.

There were nipples with slow flow, medium flow, or fast flow. There were nipples that were for suckle or to suck (I don’t even know what that means). You could have a nipple made out of silicone. Is that good? There were wide neck or narrow neck. Some even highlighted an Y-cut nipple. Apparently, this is something you would want to highlight. You could get a nipple with two holes or three. I stood dazed and confused. I could feel the stress rising. I imagined arriving at the orphanage with the wrong nipple. All the other parents laughing at my error. The nanny’s scowl as they took K away from me. Obviously I couldn't be a good parent. I can’t even pick out the correct nipple.

Then I thought I know I’ll call a co-worker who has a young child. She’ll be able to coach me. Then I thought through that scenario a bit more. I’m in Human Resources and I wanted to call a coworker to ask what kind of nipple they liked. How would that look to a bystander. Off I went into another daydream. I’m with my supervisor, Mr. H. The conversation is:
Mr. H.: "Kateri a complaint has been filed against you for discrimination. Did you discriminate by only asking female employees about nipples?"
Me:"No-no Mr. H don’t be silly. I ask all my coworkers about their nipples. Regardless if they’re male or female."

No, I decided not to call my co-worker.

At this point a friendly employee of the department store came over and asked if she could help me. I really must have looked out of sorts. How often does that happen? Anyway I told her I was trying to figure out which nipple and bottle to get for my son. Here’s a snapshot of that conversation.

Sales Associate: "How old is your son?"
Me: "Just turned 12 months."
Sales Associate: "When did he stop breast feeding?"
Me: "I don’t know."
Sales Associate: "Does he have any teeth?"
Me: "Four that I can see but I’m not sure how many total."
Sales Associate: "Does he have cereal in his formula."
Me: "I don’t know."
Her voice starts to become a bit strained.
Sales Associate: "Is he eating any solid food?"
Me: "I don’t know."
May I point out the strangeness of this conversation is still lost to me because I’m obsessing about those darn nipples.
Sales Associate says, looking a bit confused and worried, "You don’t know if your son is eating solid food?"
Well hit me over the head with a shovel, I got it. At this point it sinks in how bizarre this conversation must sound to this girl. She’s probably one step away from calling security. I explained my situation and we laughed. She then walked away.

There I was left in the same situation and no better off. Other than my picture may be posted in that stores back room. So I did what I think any reasonable person would do. I bought one of each. At the orphanage, if any parent say’s anything to me about it. I’ll simple reply with, "You didn’t buy a variety" with a crinkled nose. If the nanny’s say anything, I’ll reply, "All the more nipples to donate to the orphanage."

Who knew nipples would be so stressful?!

Happy Birthday K

Today is K's birthday. As I was driving home I started to think about how we were going to miss another first for our son. I tried to imagine what his day was like. Did anyone one remember today was his birthday? Did anyone give him some special time on this his special day? Do they even celebrate birthdays in Ethiopia? They'll be no cake. No silly hat. No family standing around with camera's snapping away taking pictures.

As I started to slide into the poor poor pitiful me's I recognized a note of bitterness blanket my spirit. Rick and I will mourn and do mourn so many things regarding our children. I wish I was with K today. I wish I saw so many of the firsts that have already passed us by. I began to pray to be released from the bitterness. As I sat to write on the blog I realized all of this loss is a gift. All of the things we missed and mourn have given us a bit of empathy for what our boys will experience. At some point they will miss their birth family, their birth country and all the what could have beens. Their feelings and experiences won't be completely foreign to their parents.

So tonight as Rick and I place a candle on a cake I'll make a wish for K. This wish will be a prayer. The prayer will be

St. Theresa's Prayer
May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

I'm a daughter,

Sister,

Wife,

Aunt,

Granddaughter,

Friend,

Co-worker,

And now a MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We have our travel date. We leave for Ethiopia to meet T and K on July 27th. The good news came today.

I can now proudly introduce our sons.

Are they not precious?

Its hard to get what you don't get!

Some very dear friends of mine have adopted 4 girls. They have 3 biological children. The mother has a real talent for writing. Its exciting to see her gift be used. It can also be heart wrenching and eye opening. I have admired her for many years and now admire her naked strength in sharing the good, bad, and ugly of adoption.

She recently wrote, "A tale of two churches" I think every pastor needs to read this.
Here's the link.

I hope you enjoy her postings as much as I do.