Friday in Ethiopia (part 3)

Off we went for our flight that was to be around 10pm. Within the first half an hour T had a meltdown. There was no consoling him. A few Ethiopian women came over and tried to help us calm him down. He would have none of it. The good mommy that I am I broke out baby Benadryl and gave it to T. We had done a test run with the Benadryl while in Ethiopia to make sure it made the boys drowsy. The test run was successful.

While we were waiting we had many people come over to us and ask us about the boys. Most were missionary workers. Then we heard our flight was going to be delayed. T was still having a hard time keeping it together.

There was a large group of teenage children from another African country with White English speaking leaders. These children and their leaders started to entertain us all with song and dance. From what they chose to sing we knew they were Christians. We all had such a good time listening to them.

Our flight didn’t end up leaving until around 12:30am. You may be thinking the boys were asleep by this point, nope. Not sure what happened to my trusty friend named Benadryl but both boys were wide-awake. We found our sits. There were right behind the row with the bulkhead. The backs of our seats were against the wall. You know how you can recline your seats on airplanes. You can’t if there’s a wall behind you. I felt screwed out of those few precious inches for 16 hours until we reached Washington, D.C.

As we buckled in T he had another meltdown. Again, a few Ethiopian women tried to calm him down. Again, he would have none of it. Yes we were that family with the screaming child for the ENTIRE flight. Okay literally it was not the entire flight but it was a lot of it. I know he must have slept at some point but I don’t remember when. The only one who slept was K and that wasn’t even much. But Boy did we eat well. I felt like a senior citizen in a retirement home, the one that spends their time thinking about and excitedly anticipating their next meal. You know you’ve traveled for a long time when you eat three meals on the same flight. We did stop in Rome to refuel and have a change in staff. Before we took off we all were instructed to buckle our seat belts. The plane isn’t moving yet and we try to buckle T in. This brought on another meltdown. The airline attendant came over to us and said something to the effect of "Can’t you make him stop." To which we replied, "No, we don’t even speak the same language. You try." So she did and it didn’t work. Then she said, "Why did you fly if this is how he reacts?" How helpful! Yes how stupid of us not to find alternate transportation from Ethiopia to the U.S. She must have realized the stupidity of her words because when we were getting off the plane she was very nice to us (or maybe she was just happy to see us go).

So there we were trying to make the best of our 16-hour flight with two boys who couldn’t understand a word we said. T continued to have meltdowns. As I looked at the others who sat around us no one seemed bothered by it. I had a bag full of new toys to keep the boys occupied. They worked on K but not on T. He couldn’t be bought.

K continued to have diarrhea. The lady in front of us offered her bassinet attached to the bulkhead. Although very tempting it wasn't a good idea because I didn't want to pass on what K had to her child. We didn't see any place to change K in the airplane bathrooms. I changed him where we sat.

Part 3 coming soon.

1st Birthday Cake

Look who had a birthday. He made up for it with three birthday parties!K must be reading the stocks.

Last day in Ethiopia (part 2)

Second half of Friday in Ethiopia. When we returned from shopping we all ate lunch together and then put the boys down for their naps. While the boys slept we made the mad dash to get all our packing done. We left most of the clothes and toys we had brought with us. Once in Ethiopia it’s hard not to leave everything you own.

After naps our travel group gathered for the coffee ceremony. Most of the nanny’s, the other children in the orphanage and all the other staff members joined to say good bye. The nanny’s and children danced and sang for us. T became very sullen. We had a sense this was upsetting him. Now that we know him better we realize it did upset him. Grief is a funny thing. It doesn’t feel good when you go through it but its something we need to go through to get to the other side. Although it upset T, it was an opportunity to say, "see you again Ethiopia." As parents I was full of emotion. We knew the ceremony was to say good bye to their birth country. We mourned for those who couldn’t mourn for themselves.

The coffee ceremony was delicious.

First incense was burning. Next they brought a bowl and jug to pour water over your hands to wash them. Then they brought around the coffee has it was roasting so we could smell the aroma. One of the travel members was selected to cut this huge round loaf of bread. It looked like the same bread our birth mother served us and it was just as yummy. Then we were served the coffee in these tiny cups with sugar. I know I’ve mentioned this before but the coffee is awesome. I could not get enough of it. Next popcorn was served.

At the end of the ceremony we all said our good byes and ate dinner. For the people who stayed in the guesthouse with us it was hard to say good bye. We had all shared something very special and bonds were made. I made a mad dash over to T’s orphanage to take pictures of other families children to send to them when we returned home. As I was leaving one girl about 6 came up to me saying something. I had no idea what she said but I did hear her say T’s name. I took her picture thinking she was Ts friend.

Back at Horizon House we did a video interview on top of the house. We tried to get some family pictures taken too but T kept looking at the city. We couldn’t get him to look at the camera. Then about five families piled into the van to go to the airport. It was about 7pm. It was our first time seeing the city in the dark.
When we arrived at the airport everyone tried to get from the parking lot to the airport quickly. Beggars and people wanting to help you for a tip just surrounded you making it hard to make your way through. Mullet our driver helped Rick and I navigate our way through to the airport. I felt honored and blessed that out of all the families he chose us to help. Once we reached the airport he kissed both Rick and I and said, "God bless you." That was one thing that really struck me. Everyone we met seemed to be sincerely grateful we were adopting our boys.
Then we went in the airport. It is very daunting to be in a third world country. At the airport everything seemed so unorganized but they have very friendly workers. Everyone in Ethiopia seemed to have a joy despite the poverty. As we waited in line for about an hour we saw lots of families like ours. It was amazing to see all these parents with little Ethiopian children. It seemed they were all under 12 months except for our two. As we made eye contact with them there was a knowing understood bond that we all shared. We all looked a bit dazed, tired, confused and excited all at the same time.

When we arrived to the luggage check in counter the conveyer belt was broken. There was this huge pile of luggage on the belt that ran onto the floor. As the gentleman took our four large bags of luggage I quietly kissed them good bye. I thought there is no way they are going to make it back to little Rhode Island.

More to come...

Why so open?

In October we went pumpkin picking with out agency. There were about 20 families. We had a great time. T still talks about feeding the cows.

My three sons.

Here's what my bathroom looks like when I get ready in the morning.

Thank you to everyone who writes comments of appreciation for my openness. It is a bit scary to be so "out there." I do this for the other folks who are adopting. If you go through the same thing it may not seem so scary to know you’re not alone or it may help to prepare for what’s to come.

Do I love them yet?

Okay you can stop the hate mail. Here’s an update. We’re all doing great. It’s month #4 and it is all starting to feel more natural.

During the first week home while sleeping I heard something that made me get out of bed. In the dark hallway I bumped into something. As I put my hands out to touch what I bumped into I felt something strange. Slowly I began to realize it was a child. Then I realized it was T. Finally I remembered I was his Mom. This is how it was for the first few months. It all felt so unnatural. Constantly trying to retrain my mind to take hold of my new role as Mommy.

Do all mothers constantly quiz themselves with the question, "Do I love them yet?" Of course this is asked quietly because if you ever really shared it openly people would think you’re an unfit mother. There is a lot of guilt and shame associated with that question. Having this question looming around can open the door to lies dressed as truth. This hidden concern along with my clumsy parenting made me feel like we were doomed. Someone once said to me, "Darkness is the breeding ground for sin." Despite my instinct to keep this horrible question to myself I asked others who had also adopted. One person soothed, "As you have shared experiences you’ll grow to love them more each day." Then one of my best friends said, "So do not throw away you confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." Hebrews 10:35-36

Once I opened up and shared this most embarrassing question and struggle the stronghold seemed to vanish. In the dark, the lies held power to influence my behavior. Once it was out in the open its power was extinguished. What I have learned the past few weeks is to trust my instincts. In the beginning I was trying to analyze everything and fit it into a box. Situations were either because the boys were adopted, grieving, going through a huge transition or age box. Then I’d try to apply what I’d learn from the "experts". Sometimes the Holy Spirit would tell me their advice was wrong. I squashed the Spirit like a bug because the "experts" said to do this that and so. As I stood on head knowledge the whole thing would turn quickly to crap before my eyes. One thing I learned is the experts aren’t always right but the Holy Spirit is.

I’m getting to know the boys and I’m falling in love with them more and more each day. As a result, I’m feeling more comfortable as a Mommy. It is all getting so much easier as I know them better. Its funny as I look back on the two referral pictures we first received-- those two boys seem like strangers to me now. T and K are nothing like I had imagined as I stared and memorized their pictures for the two months before meeting them. They seem to have made this transition relatively effortlessly and smoothly.

Remember Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer when his girlfriend said she thought he was cute. Rudolph was euphoric as he flew through the air with this revelation. The other day I was holding K and my mother tried to give me a kiss. K put his hand over my mouth and looked at my mother as if to say, "No, my Mommy." Then K put his lips on mine. I could have flown myself as I realized K loved me and wanted me for himself.

Today T and I took a nap together. When we woke up K and Rick joined us on the bed. T looked at me as if to say, "This stinks, I liked it better when it was just the two of us." Then Rick and K started to do belly blows on my belly. T pulled my shirt down and sharply told them to stop. Daddy asked T if he wanted Mommy for himself to which he simply replied, "Yes!" Again you could have peeled me from the ceiling I was so happy.

Hay boys, "I love you too."

Last Day In Ethiopia

Friday was our last day in Ethiopia. We were so excited to go home. The Horizon guesthouse was great but there is no place like home. In the morning we went shopping.

Mullet was our driver and guide. I have to say we always felt safe because of the terrific staff. We had decided to take the boys with us. Mullet seemed a bit concerned about our decision but honored it. I think he was concerned it would be too much for the boys and us. Caution to the wind, we all went together.

About 10 of us climbed into the van and we headed to go shopping. Driving in Ethiopia takes special skills. The roads are narrower and you are dodging people, chickens, goats, cows and the occasional sleeping person. The exhaust is choking. I don’t think there’s much in the way of garbage removal. The garbage was everywhere. At the stoplights the beggars plead for money. Others try to sell tissue, gum or what ever. It’s really hard to resist the temptation to give money.

We arrived at this nice mall. It didn’t require haggling over prices. When we got there I put K on my back in the snugly. Rick had T. Rick needed to stop at the bank for money. Mullet offered to take care of T. Rick went into the bank and Mullet took everyone up stairs to the third floor. He tried to get me to come but I didn’t want to just leave Rick alone at the bank. What if he came out and no one was there and started to wonder only to get lost. So there I stood not listening to Mullet’s instructions. After he got everyone situated he came back down and told me to go up stairs. I explained my concern and he said he would wait for Rick. Off K and I went. Only communication with Mullet isn’t the best. He speaks very good English but I didn’t pick up all of what he said. Like where up the stairs I was suppose to go. Instead of Rick wondering around lost I was. Someone noticed my distress and pointed up to the third floor. They took a chance I belonged with the other white Americans.

On the third floor were many wonderful shops. My goal was to buy a Christmas present for the boys for each year until they reached 18. Until I saw this beautiful painting. It’s of people with their umbrella’s at Timkit. The colors are beautiful. When Rick joined me I showed him the picture and he fell in love too. That took a big chunk of the spending money we had brought. We did get other cool stuff too but not enough to make sure the boys have a present from Ethiopia for each Christmas. We’ll just have to go back!

After we were done shopping we went to a coffee shop and a bookstore. We picked up some traditional Ethiopian stories in English. While waiting for the rest of the group to finish T, K and I waited at the front of the store. At one point T called me to get my attention and pointed out the glass door. When I looked I saw a beautiful man standing there. Apparently he had been playing with T. When we left we asked him if we could take his picture. He said yes with a twinkle in his eye. His eyes were the same as our birthfather’s eyes, smiling, warm and friendly. After we took his picture we slipped him some money. This is a bit tricky because others who have already gathered around can become more aggressive. Notice the handmade shoes.

After shopping we went to an Ethiopian museum. It was very informative on their culture and history. T started to get cranky because he wanted his dad to carry him. Dad wanted T to walk because Dad was getting tired. After the museum we went back to Horizon House. There we ate lunch and put the boys down for their naps. Rick and I packed for our return trip home. We knew that once the boys woke we wouldn’t have much time to do any packing.

After the boys woke up we needed to attend the coffee ceremony, eat dinner, say our good-byes and go to the airport 3hours early. The rest in another post.

Fading but not gone...

We try to keep T & K familiar with their birth country and family. Despite our efforts it is slowly slipping away and it's very sad to witness. We show them pictures from the orphanage and birth family. T used to be able to say the names of the children at the orphanage. He no longer can.

We have pictures of their birth family in their bedroom at eye level. Every night we pray for their birth family, kiss them good night and tell them we love them. Yesterday T and I sat quietly talking about his birth mother. His love for her was obvious.

Weekly I have T look at Ethiopia videos and listen to Ethiopia music. I wasn't sure if any of this is helping until today. We went on YouTube to listen to Ethiopia music. T started to dance in Ethiopian style. This wasn't in the video so he wasn't mimicking anyone. We haven't been exposing him to Ethiopia dance. He just remembered.

Thursday In Ethiopia

Almost two months later but here we go, Thursday in Ethiopia

In the morning Rick went with a few other people to a market. It was the biggest market in Africa. I had read about it on other people’s blogs and new it was not a place to bring children. The boys and I stayed back at Horizon House. Rick said the number of people was amazing. We needed more diapers (just in case for the plane ride home) so he also stopped at the "super market." He said the super market was about as big as one of our pharmacies. However, there he also purchased some coffee from the region our children were born.

When he returned I went to T’s house to video tape the children praying prior to lunch. It is the cutest thing. One child stands in front of everyone else and leads the prayer line by line. All the children repeat after him. It’s a pretty long prayer and the little guy who did it on this day looked to be four. It was amazing he remembered it.

After prayer the nannies serve all the children their lunch. It seems most meals they received injera. Today was no different. Not sure if I’ve mentioned this before but injera was not my favorite. At one table a little girl held out her hand with some injera saying, "Miss, Miss." She was talking to me and wanted me to eat some of her injera. I thought that was really cute and without thinking went over to eat the injera. Before I knew it all the children at this table had big globs of injera saying, "Miss-Miss." As I looked at all the little hands with injera meant for my consumption I remembered the list of possible diseases the children may have. I saw all the little runny noses attached to the bodies with the injera. Yes I went around and ate the injera. Why? These children are so cute and so want to be loved.

When you enter the compound the children run to you and call you Mommy or Daddy. They attach themselves to your legs. They ask to be picked up. The slightest bit of attention seems to be so needed. How many times have they seen the other parents come to take their friends away? Do they each time hope these strangers are their parent(s)? As I looked around I knew they were someone’s children. If I could give them a few moments of happiness and love I would. It was my prayer when my sons were there that someone loved them. This was my turn to love for someone else.

Mission

A few weeks ago our church held a service where people who had recently been on mission trips shared their experience. They all shared these very moving stories. They either made you laugh or cry. They all had been changed in some way. Most shared how the experience had inspired them to do more. One person talked about starting a lunch program at a school. The students who were fortunate enough to go to school did so without adequate nourishment. It’s very hard to learn when you’re hungry. I’ve been to these types of meetings before. When Rick and I went to Ethiopia we expected to see poverty beyond our wildest dreams. I went with the expectation God would place on my heart a mission related to Ethiopia.

Throughout our trip I kept looking around every corner for what God was going to call me to do. We saw a lot of different needs but none I felt God was placing in my heart. When we came home I figured I was wrong, God wasn’t going to give me a mission in Ethiopia.

The first four weeks home were difficult. They were very difficult. My children grieved the loss of their birth family and their place of birth. This was expressed by pushing me away, literally. I was the one home with them all day. There were nightmares and temper tantrums. I’ve been pinched and choked. There has be blatant disobedience to my direction. Complete avoidance to eye contact with mommy. When Dad would come home he was the fun one.

This all was a breeding ground for a "perfect storm." Most new parents are a bit unsure of themselves and I am no different. So as my son pushed me away and turned to Daddy I thought, "I suck at this." My husband and I were starting to fight. I wasn’t bonded to these two beautiful little boys. That took me by surprise. I had been warned that was a natural response for some but I thought, "O’ that won’t happen to me." I was snapping at the children and my husband. It was like God was shinning a flashlight onto my heart and I did not like what I saw.

An example, T needed "lots" of coaxing to eat his meals. One day I left the room to get something. When I came back T said with great excitement said, "Look Mommy I finished." My first thought was no he didn’t. He must have hidden the food. I looked around. As I did T’s excitement slowly left his face. He became confused as to why Mommy wasn’t happy. Wasn’t this what I wanted? Then slowly I began to realize he did eat his meal. I was wrong and had missed an opportunity to celebrate with my son. I realized I needed an attitude adjustment.

Later when I was alone I realized I was totally screwing this up. Prior to receiving the referral I had prepared mentally. Reading up on all sorts of adoption related issues. I had prepared physically. I had lost weight and started working out. However, I had not prepared to be spiritually ready to become a parent. I ended up crying out to God for forgiveness and asked for help. Then I thought about their birth mother. Would I not want to look her straight in the eye years from now knowing I had tried my best? None of our children are ours. God has given us all our children for a short time. I just have a face to look at, to think of when I hold myself accountable. I remember her saying her greatest hope for the boys’ future was for them to always be in communication with God through prayer. Then I realized God did give me a mission in Ethiopia.

Two days later I received in the mail some books discussing Christian parenting. The sender was apologetic for the timing. I giggled and knew it was Gods perfect timing.

Where are we today? No tantrums, no pinching, no pushing away and the obedience to direction is doing much better. They are not avoiding eye contact. I'm the one they want to share their joys and sorrows with. My sons and I are well bonded. I am very pleased with where we are in this journey. With an adjusted attitude I am preparing myself spiritually for the mission I received in Ethiopia. Better late than never.

Play Time

A couple of weeks ago someone sent us these dolls. We have no idea who. Please let us know who sent them so we can thank you. The boys love to play with the dolls. One day when my Mother was over T was playing with the dolls. By the end of the visit T had named them M and Papa. By coincidence this is what they call my mother (M) and father (Papa). I can tell you M and Papa are very well taken care of. T changes their diapers, feeds them and puts them down for naps.

Around the third week home T started to play make believe on his own. After a bit I realized he was mimicking Rick and I. At first I was apprehensive to see how I was doing. After watching T I gained more confidence in my parenting ability. In T's play world he cooks, plays with the dog, changes diapers, goes down for naps, eats, drinks coffee, goes for drives, prays and takes walks. Yup this pretty much covers what I've been doing since being out of work. O ya, my new best friend is Sesame Street. This is the only TV they watch. From 10am to 11 am they watch Sesame Street, eat snacks and I get stuff done.

Week four brought the boys showing jealousy over me. At first this delighted me. I had two sons jocking to have my attention. This was short lived because it is difficult to please them both at the same time. They also starting to fight with each other. I knew T was feeling comfortable at home when he got out of bed during nap time to play.

We have introduced the boys to one of our favorite pass times, hiking. K gets strapped on to my back with a snugly. T walks with his Dad or rides on Dads shoulders. Brady runs and has a blast. On Saturday we went. T tripped over a rock, fell down, went boom, and Mom told the rock it was naughty for tripping T. That delighted T. Later we saw two horses. These frightened the boys. We told them horses were good. For the next two days, over and over we heard T say, "T went boom." "Rock naughty" "Horses are good." Did I mention this was said over and over again?

Pictures of T

K Eating

Wednesday in Ethiopia

Wednesday morning was the first morning we woke up together as a family. Everyone woke up in a good mood and smiling. This day we mostly hung out together. Mid-morning we went to T's house to take pictures. He completely lost it when we arrived. The nannies explained he wasn't going to stay but nothing would claim him down. We took pictures and left pretty quickly.


This is a picture of the entrance to T's orphanage. The yellow door is the entrance. While we were there members of our group witnessed mothers trying to leave their children at the orphanage on two separate occasions.

This is the entrance to T's house.

All the laundry was done by hand. While we had K he would need to change clothes about 5 times a day. Times that by all the children=lots of laundry. It was the rainy season when we were there.It rained everyday. Every time it rained I felt so bad for who ever was in charge of the laundry. How could you get it to dry?

The other picture is of T's bed. Most children shared their bed with other child. As you can see T isn't to happy to be back. The other picture is of the children in T's house eating.

Here is the alley way leading to K's house and where we stayed at Horizon House. Below is the entrance.

Pictures

Tuesday Day 5 in Ethiopia

On Tuesday I woke up feeling very nauseous and tired. At first I thought I was getting some terrible travelers disease but the symptoms seemed to pass mid morning. I now think it was a side effect from the anti-malaria medication I was taking. (I loved the medication because while in Ethiopia I lost 7 pounds.) I asked Rick to bring the boys up to the room because I wasn’t sure I could leave. By the time he brought them up I was feeling much better.

This was the first day K opened up to us. Prior to Tuesday he wouldn’t make any eye contact, sat like a lump when we put him down and didn’t make any sounds. After about three hours he started talking, smiling at us, making eye contact but still not moving too much. At lunchtime we dropped them back off to their rooms because we were going shopping that afternoon. Where we were going wasn’t a good place to bring children.

First we dropped of K. He smiled and went to the nanny without any sign of duress. Then we went to drop off T. Solomon the security guard went with us. When we gave T to the nanny he threw a temper tantrum. (Little did we know we’d become very familiar with his temper tantrums. That’s for another blog entry.) We left and I cried the whole way back. Solomon was very caring. Without being able to speak to each other I knew he cared and was concerned that I was crying.

We went shopping after lunch. Someone very important must have been close to where we were shopping because on the two sides of where we shopped were two "undercover" security men. Parked was a Mercedes. The two men were huge, well dressed and just stood look up and down the street. They fit in as well as we did.

As soon as you step out of the car-actually before you even get out of the car-you’re surrounded by beggars and people who want to sell you stuff. There were a couple of people with sticks that would patrol the area to shoe away the people. Honestly a lot of the beggars acted like scam artists or actors. There were people you could truly see they needed help but at this market most would beg with a twinkle in their eye like they were just seeing if they could get you to give them money. It was recommended not to give people money on the streets. At times it is really hard not to.

When we returned we gave Horizon House the donation we had brought to the orphanage. Thanks to our church, New Hope Chapel, we were able to donate 70 lb. of much needed items. Everyone was so thankful and appreciative for the donation.

Then we went to get the boys. Rick went to get T and he ran into his arms. I went to get K, hoping for the same reception. K looked through me not at me. He came to me but I was back at square one with him. He gave no eye contact, no smile and didn’t say one thing to me. I was getting the cold shoulder from a 12-month-old. How did that feel? It sucked!

Between T’s meltdown when we dropped him off and K giving me the cold shoulder we decided to take the boys. Meaning having them be with us from that point on. Unfortunately, we had been scheduled to visit the Blue Nile on Wednesday. As much as we wanted to go, we were in Ethiopia for our boys not sight seeing.

That night they ate dinner with us and then we took them to our room to go to bed. This was the first time we saw T without clothes. As I undressed him to get his PJ’s on he was crying and very upset. It was amazing to see how thin he is. Once PJ’s on he calmed down until we put them to bed. They gave blood-curtailing cries for about 20 minutes. I was sure one of the nanny’s was going to bust open the door to see what we were doing to the boys to make them make such a horrible cry. The whole time we were there I never saw a nanny just let a child cry without trying to make the stop. Neither did I see any child receive any reprimand for any misbehavior.

Yes I am new at parenting but I knew 20 minutes of crying at bed time wasn’t a bad deal. It’s a no brainier this had nothing to do with me so I thanked God for our good fortune.

Here's a link to a YouTube post created by someone in our group from her trip to Awassa. We took the same trip but she's more talented because she could create this post. Click here to enjoy.

Day 4 in Ethiopia

After our first night sleeping in a room with mosquito netting we were off back to Addis. I forgot to mention a couple other things about the day we met our birth family. Ethiopia is known because the Christians and Muslims are about 40% and 40% of the population. They live side by side in peace. While driving we saw it first hand too. On the top of their thatch huts they’d "advertise" their religion with adoration to their faith. As we were leaving our birth mothers house we could hear someone speaking from a loud speaker. We thought it was a Muslim mosque. I asked the uncle and he said no they were preaching the gospel. I asked if it was a Sunday service and yes it was. I asked if it was on speaker because people couldn’t travel and he said no. The church wasn’t big enough to hold everyone who attended. It was nice imagining my children in their backyard playing and hearing the gospel.

The other thing I left out was our children’ father was Muslim. He converted just prior to marriage. His whole family was Muslim when growing up. The uncle who was with us said he was Muslim too but now a Christian. I asked how he converted. He must have interpreted my question as why. His answer, "Because Jesus is the truth." All four of us said Amen.

On our drive back we saw a few people selling things. One guy had a python skin and a Cheetah skin. Many others were selling "coal" to burn in your house. We saw many boys hurding cattle. Some seemed to be as young as 7 years old. At one point there was a roadblock to check vehicles. We stopped to get breakfast. When I went to use the lady’s room there was no TP. I was so mad at myself because I knew better. The breakfast was nothing to write home about but again the coffee was great. How could it not be? They grew it, roast it, grind it and brew it right there. One can not get fresher coffee than that.

When we got back into Addis the traffic was terrible. You need a special license to drive in Ethiopia. The horn is used a lot. We were late arriving to Horizon House.

All the families in our group were they’re waiting for us. See this was the day we all went for our children VISA appointment. We had some paper work to do together prior. We were supposed to have brought a copy of our income tax return and we didn’t. It was a bit tense because no one knew how that would effect us. Rick filled out the paperwork and I ate very quickly. Then they brought us our boys. It was Monday and we hadn’t seen them since Saturday, which also was the first time, we met them. Taking them to the US Embassy made us a bit nervous. Just when they brought them to us I noticed K needed his diaper changed.

As a side note, K needed his diaper changed often. We nicknamed him "Squirt" because when he went it squirted out everywhere, on his clothes and on you. He has two parasites: Campy and Giardia that caused the diarrhea. Happy to say all better now. Now we call him Hoover because he eats everything.

This was the first time I changed his diaper and the driver was standing right over me. We were late and he was frustrated. So was I. K was in a cloth diaper with a plastic bag tied around him. I felt like a surgeon performing an operation. "Bag I need a bag to put this in." I said in my not so happy tone of voice.

Diaper changed off we all went and piled into the van. We went through US Embassy security. We all sat in this room watching something like CNN on TV. One by one they called us. The boys were fantastic. No problems and no crying. They called us. Rick, the boys and I went up the seemingly very long flight of stairs (I carried K who weights 22 lb. but feels like 50). We stood in the correct line and hoped no one would notice we didn’t have all of the necessary paper work. The employee asked us a couple of questions and then said, "Congratulations on your adoption." That was the point I thought I was going to loose it. Here we were holding our boys, in Ethiopia and someone verified they really are ours. Some how I barely contained myself and back down the stairs we went. As we entered the room I told everyone (about 50 people-obviously not all from our group) we passed. Everyone cheered. Then we cheered every time someone from our group came down.

Later that night we all went out to dinner at an Ethiopian restaurant. They have dancers who do the different dances from the different regions in Ethiopia. It was a nice dinner. At some point I ate cow intestine. That will teach me not to ask what I’m eating prior to putting in my mouth.

Day 3 in Ethiopia

I’ve already posted on this visit so I’ll try not to repeat myself.

On Sunday, July 29, 2007, we left for our birth family visit at 6:30am. Luckily for us we had packed the day before. It was an overnight trip and when we woke up there was no power. So happy I brought a flashlight. As we walked out of our room someone had placed candles to light our way through the halls and stairs of the guesthouse. Down stairs were a few others who couldn’t sleep and our travel companions.

Our travel companions were the only other family in our group who adopted siblings. They have two 10-month-old twins, a boy and girl. Their children were brought to the orphanage the same day as our boys and from the same village. Their region is called Kambata and its in Southern Ethiopia.

It seemed to take us an hour to leave the city to the more rural part. On the way the whole capital was without power. It seemed so quiet. We saw families walking in the road wearing white shawls. We were told they were most likely going to church. It was softly raining. How I wanted to go to church service while there but it wasn’t meant to be.

As we drove out to the more rural parts we saw cactus grown has hedges. Many thatch "houses." Agriculture seemed to how people generated money. It appeared families were self-supported by the land. At one point we saw a chalkboard attached to a tree with about 30 children learning the English alphabet. We were behind a truck full of camels. We thought that was the funniest thing. When we asked our driver where they might be going he told us to slaughter because the Somalians ate them. Our social worker told us she saw about 100 of them out wild. That must have been a wild sight. We saw lots of people carrying plastic jugs for water. We saw many people relieving themselves right on the street. Many men walk with their arms around other men. One sight that is forever etched into my mind is one water area where I saw one person washing clothes, another relieving themselves and yet another filling up a water jug. We had entered the part of Ethiopia where people have to walk miles to get dirty water that will make them sick.

It took us 4 hours to drive to Awasa the closest "city" to where our birth parents live. That was where we picked up the three others who were apart of our group. It took us another 1-2 hour drive to reach our birthmother’s home. Awasa was where we slept that night after our birthmother visit. It also had a lake behind it that had hippos. We didn’t see any.

Our birthmother grew her own coffee, bananas, ensete, and avocados. The ensect is something that takes like a month to make but then can remain eatable for 3 years. It helps sustain them at times of famine. Her husband had built the house prior to his passing. Before they all lived in the thatch house he grew up in. The new house was a mansion compared to what we saw. Our birthmother decorated the house with flowers on the walls and entranceway, tablecloths and hay on the ground.
Well we think the hay on the ground was decoration. We didn’t see it on the other homes we passed. When we asked our driver if the hay was to decorate the house he misunderstood me and said, "No the floor is made of cow shit." Call it jet lag or poor manners but this struck me funny. I tried to repeat my question but his answer remained the same. He then went into detail of how they make the floor out of cow shit. We were all kind of amused by his answer. I repeated what he said, "So what you’re saying is the floor is made out of cow shit!" When he heard me say "cow shit" he and I started to laugh and continued to laugh for a long time (it was a bonding moment).
During the birthfamily visit I kept trying to soak it all in, memory storage. I remember looking at the birthmother’s father and seeing his eyes as so soft and warm. When I looked at our driver, Joseph, he appeared to really be enjoying himself. Everyone was happy and made us feel so welcome. It was one of the best days of my life. I was so thankful to have been able to have such a wonderful experience.
Our sons birthmother was outgoing, regal, friendly, a great communicator and strong. She was adamant the boys are raised Christian and is in constant communication with God through prayer. She had asked when we would bring the boys to see her. I told her it was my dream for all of us to return when turned 18. She thought that was so long. I thought from your lips to Gods ears maybe it will be sooner.
At the end of the meeting she offered us to stay to eat. This of course made us all nervous. We said a little prayer asking God to protect us and he did. The food was very good. It seemed extraordinary that she pulled out her most valuable resources to offer us, food. This was the one thing she couldn’t provide sufficiently for her sons. This was one of the reasons she made the adoption plan but she opened both hands to share with us so freely. Being in her presence humbled me. Our meeting was long but we didn’t want to say good bye. She filled Rick’s backpack with banana’s and avocados. When we returned to the orphanage we learned T loves bananas and avocados and ate most of what she gave us.

Our trip to Ethiopia

It has taken me a while but here's our first two days of traveling. God willing I'll journal each day and post on the blog. Here's day 1 and 2.

We left on 7/27/07. We flew out of Providence, RI. Our flight was scheduled for 6:30 am so we arrived at 5:00am. I had a dream we forgot the stroller. Guess what, we forgot the stroller on the shuttle bus but got it back. We arrived at Dulles airport around 7:30 am and left on Ethiopian Air at 9:45 am. At Dulles we met, N, who was also adopting a 3-year-old boy from our agency. She was traveling alone and it was good we could help each other out. (We knew we were traveling together from the yahoo on-line group) The flights were very smooth with no problems other than my TV didn’t work.


On 7/28/07 we arrived in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia at 8:15 am. (Ethiopia’s time is about 7 hours ahead of us) Our total airtime was 17 hours. Once in Addis we had to go through customs. Rick and I were on the last bus to bring us to the airport from where the plane landed because we were helping some elderly Ethiopians get off the plane. This put us way in back of the line for customs. Consequently, it took us 1 & ½ hours to get through the customs line (we already had our visa). As we waited in line we could see our luggage on the belt. By the time we made it through customs the belt stopped running and our luggage was no where in sight. Rick, N and I were checking everywhere to find our luggage. Anyone we asked for help said they didn’t speak English. I was very tired and a bit cranky. My solution, in the middle of the airport, I yelled out three times, "I need help!" Someone came running over to shut me up. I explained our situation and she helped us find our luggage. Then we went through the luggage scanners again and out to the front of the airport. We saw, Mullet, our driver and met two other families that were on the same flight who were also with our agency. Off we went with to the van. No one offered to help until we got to the van. Then people were just grabbing our luggage and helping to put it on top of the van. We had been told people would do this and would expect a tip. While in the airport we exchanged $100 for birr (Ethiopian money). We gave them about a $10 tip.

Off we drove through the capital, Addis Ababa, to our orphanage. In the city we saw goats, cows, and chickens everywhere, even the streets. Lots and lots of people on the streets too. We’re told in Addis there are 2 million people. Some things that struck me were so many people without shoes or other pieces of clothing. So many people seemingly doing nothing or having nothing to do. Beggars running and following our van asking for money. Children around 10 years old were trying to sell us gum or tissue. Young mothers were begging us for food to feed their babies. People sleeping, literally, in the streets. Exhaust from cars making us gag. Finally, scaffolding made from sticks.



At about 11:00 am we arrived at our orphanage, Horizon House. We drove down an ally way and came to a gate. The driver beeped his horn and the gate with barbed wire opened. There we were in a courtyard. To the right was the Horizon House or guesthouse. This was where we stayed. To the left was the guard station was. Right in front of us was about 5-9’ x 9’ rooms for the infants.
We all unloaded our luggage and ourselves. First we were all shown our rooms. Then we went down to the courtyard to meet K first. As we arrived we saw other parents already had their children. It was surreal to see people like us meeting their children for the first time. The nanny brought us to K’s room. It had about 8 or 10 children, two to a crib, aged 6 to 12 months. At the door the nanny said K is in there. There was no light and it took my eyes a minute to adjust. I looked around at the cribs and the infants in the cribs. My secret concern was I wouldn’t be able to pick K out. Then I saw him and went over to pick him up. He stared at us and didn’t smile. I was so happy to be holding K finally. He was cuter than the picture. K has a hernia on his belly button and I was concerned because I didn’t know they were harmless. We stayed with K for about 15 minutes and went to meet T.

A guard walked us to where T was staying. It was in a different location but only a 5-minute walk. There is a tall wall with a gate and barbed wire. Our guard knocked on the gate. Soon the gate opened by another guard and the two men spoke. We heard the other guard say something to others behind the gate. All we could make out was T’s name. Then he opened the gate. At first we saw about 20 children. Then it was like the Red Sea. The children parted and the open path led us to T. He stood there looking shy and not really knowing what to do. I thought, "T I don’t really know what to do either." We knelt down to his eye level and began speaking to him. Then I took out an animal cracker for him. As I did I realized there were the other 20 children and 5 nanny’s watching. I heard my mother in my ear, "If you don’t have enough to share with everyone don’t eat it in front of others." Ooops this was one of the first mistakes I’ll make as a parent. I picked T up and carried him over to a ball. I sat on the ground and we rolled the ball between Rick and T who was in my lap. We stayed with T for about 15 minutes and went back to Horizon House for lunch. Then we took a two-hour nap. We went and got K. Rick stayed with K while I went to get T to bring him back to Horizon House to be with K and us. When T saw me he came running into my arms. He looked so proud as I carried him away from the others.

When T and K first saw each other there were no tears or any emotion. T would not go to Rick or anyone that first day. The four of us sat in a corner and played with toys. I had a stuffed animal for each boy. We had already given K his. When I gave T his stuffed animal his eyes lit up as if I had given him the most precious gift. He played with it for a minute and then gave it to K. Then he started to hug and kiss K. At around 5:30pm we brought them back to their rooms for the night. Rick and I had dinner and went to bed.

Getting time to write on the blog isn’t as easy as it used to be. Go figure. We’ve settled into a nice routine. We wake up around 6 or 7am. Eat and sing bible songs at breakfast. While I clean up from breakfast the boys play. Then we all get dressed and brush our teeth. We go for a walk. Then more play time. Eat lunch around 11:30am. More play time. Nap time is 1:00-3:00pm. After nap time is more play time. Dinner at 5:30pm. Play time again until 7pm. Then we pray together as a family and read until 7:30pm. (Don’t tell my pastor but reading scriptures puts the boys to sleep.) Most nights by 8:00 pm all boys under 3 years old are asleep in the Wheeler home.

So far it’s not too different from working. At work I found myself saying the same thing over again and again. "Did you document the incident?" "No we can’t terminate without discussing the performance issue first with the employee." "Did you speak to your supervisor about your concerns first before coming to me?"

Now that I'm a parent I find myself saying the same thing over and over again too. Now it’s "T let your brother play with that toy too." "K, don’t put that in your mouth." "T did you get a boo boo? I’m sorry you got hurt." "Do you have to do bubbles?"

Here's our first picture as a family. It was taken the first day we met the boys in Ethiopia. Yes, as you can see I hogged the boys by not letting Rick hold them.

Good to be home

It is so good to be home. Thank you to Sandy, my sister in law, for posting the blogs while we were away. Even if she did insert her own comment about my thinking Ethiopia coffee is the best. For those of you who don't know I work for a company that sells coffee and am always trying to get everyone to drink it. Consequently, she found it funny for me to mention Ethiopian coffee was the best I've ever tasted.

It turned out to be a good idea to have her post the blogs because I couldn't get the blog to come up while in Ethiopia.

We're all adjusting well and getting to know one another. I'll post more about the trip later but just wanted to say thanks for your prayers.

Here are the boys by the pool at home. They love the pool.