Update

Sanity is overrated

"Experience is a brutal teacher. But by God, you learn."

C.S. Lewis

The adoption process has taught me many things. Some day I’ll share but not today. Today I am cranky and blue. Please don’t try to encourage me with look at the big picture, once you see those children…blah blah blah, be warned if you do I may head butt you. Today I believe adoption makes sane people go insane.

Since we’ve started this whole process I’ve tried to let our experience be very transparent. For a few reasons but mostly so that people will know we are a resource to help others. Yes we are willing to help anyone through infertility or adoption. In the process I’m sure some think we’re nuts.

We’ve been in a foster care program, domestic adoption program, looked at embryo adoption and now Ethiopia adoption. Each program seemingly starts with the man behind the curtain sharing only enough to make you interested. Then once you’re in then you hear and learn more facts that may have effected your ultimate decision. Not for nothing but then you feel a bit cheated, screwed with or deceived. Some of it is just the learning process and some is the natural program process. Many of us who are adopting have already had our hearts ripped out through infertility. We try to stay hopeful but real or imagined delays evoke the fears of will my dreams be crushed again. I feel like a race dog chancing that freaken rabbit that just keeps moving away from me.

When we started in the Ethiopia program we were told referral time for infants was 3-5 months. Then in June it went to 5-8 months, then in September 8-10 months and now we’re being told 12 months. As you know Rick and I are waiting for siblings with one or both being infants or one under four. We are excited to be able to adopt siblings. We have been told the average wait for siblings are 1-6 months. The social workers at the agency warn don’t get to attached to a time frame. This seems to be equivalent to don’t breath. The words AVERAGE in the wait time for a sibling is freaking me out a bit. I see families only waiting days for older siblings. Well if you average that in to families waiting for siblings with one infant like us what does that mean we’ll need to wait twice as long? It seems to me they would be able to give the families who are waiting for siblings with one being an infant a separate referral estimate. Telling me 1-6 months before I’m apart of the bi-weekly calls or the monthly newsletter where I can see for myself what the trend is pisses me off. I want to yell LIER. I can see now because we’re asking for one child to be an infant we’re probably looking at the same wait time as infants. That would place us receiving a referral in October. I’ve fought this realization and continue to hold hope for earlier.

The other thing that is making me blue is the lack of infant referrals in our agency. We’re being told our agency takes what the government gives them and they have no control. Programs go through cycles and a few months ago families that wanted toddlers were frustrated because they didn’t see any toddler referrals only infant referrals. Why do we see other agencies with infant referrals? There were only 5 agencies authorized for Ethiopia and know there are many so less children for each agency.

My sister was teasing me she thinks I’m making the whole thing up. Its true I feel like I’m looking insane. I tell people one month I think we’ll get the referral in April and then only a few weeks later its more like –good grief I don’t even want to say it.

Lastly, we were told more children are being referred with one or two living parents. I thought Ethiopia only allowed orphans to be adopted. Lesson, don’t believe everything you read on the Internet. Unfortunately, many families can’t financially afford to feed all of their children and they make adoption plans for a couple of their children. I wasn’t prepared for that on the call. Needless to say at the end of the call I wanted to go into fetal position and have myself a good cry.