Thursday In Ethiopia

Almost two months later but here we go, Thursday in Ethiopia

In the morning Rick went with a few other people to a market. It was the biggest market in Africa. I had read about it on other people’s blogs and new it was not a place to bring children. The boys and I stayed back at Horizon House. Rick said the number of people was amazing. We needed more diapers (just in case for the plane ride home) so he also stopped at the "super market." He said the super market was about as big as one of our pharmacies. However, there he also purchased some coffee from the region our children were born.

When he returned I went to T’s house to video tape the children praying prior to lunch. It is the cutest thing. One child stands in front of everyone else and leads the prayer line by line. All the children repeat after him. It’s a pretty long prayer and the little guy who did it on this day looked to be four. It was amazing he remembered it.

After prayer the nannies serve all the children their lunch. It seems most meals they received injera. Today was no different. Not sure if I’ve mentioned this before but injera was not my favorite. At one table a little girl held out her hand with some injera saying, "Miss, Miss." She was talking to me and wanted me to eat some of her injera. I thought that was really cute and without thinking went over to eat the injera. Before I knew it all the children at this table had big globs of injera saying, "Miss-Miss." As I looked at all the little hands with injera meant for my consumption I remembered the list of possible diseases the children may have. I saw all the little runny noses attached to the bodies with the injera. Yes I went around and ate the injera. Why? These children are so cute and so want to be loved.

When you enter the compound the children run to you and call you Mommy or Daddy. They attach themselves to your legs. They ask to be picked up. The slightest bit of attention seems to be so needed. How many times have they seen the other parents come to take their friends away? Do they each time hope these strangers are their parent(s)? As I looked around I knew they were someone’s children. If I could give them a few moments of happiness and love I would. It was my prayer when my sons were there that someone loved them. This was my turn to love for someone else.

Mission

A few weeks ago our church held a service where people who had recently been on mission trips shared their experience. They all shared these very moving stories. They either made you laugh or cry. They all had been changed in some way. Most shared how the experience had inspired them to do more. One person talked about starting a lunch program at a school. The students who were fortunate enough to go to school did so without adequate nourishment. It’s very hard to learn when you’re hungry. I’ve been to these types of meetings before. When Rick and I went to Ethiopia we expected to see poverty beyond our wildest dreams. I went with the expectation God would place on my heart a mission related to Ethiopia.

Throughout our trip I kept looking around every corner for what God was going to call me to do. We saw a lot of different needs but none I felt God was placing in my heart. When we came home I figured I was wrong, God wasn’t going to give me a mission in Ethiopia.

The first four weeks home were difficult. They were very difficult. My children grieved the loss of their birth family and their place of birth. This was expressed by pushing me away, literally. I was the one home with them all day. There were nightmares and temper tantrums. I’ve been pinched and choked. There has be blatant disobedience to my direction. Complete avoidance to eye contact with mommy. When Dad would come home he was the fun one.

This all was a breeding ground for a "perfect storm." Most new parents are a bit unsure of themselves and I am no different. So as my son pushed me away and turned to Daddy I thought, "I suck at this." My husband and I were starting to fight. I wasn’t bonded to these two beautiful little boys. That took me by surprise. I had been warned that was a natural response for some but I thought, "O’ that won’t happen to me." I was snapping at the children and my husband. It was like God was shinning a flashlight onto my heart and I did not like what I saw.

An example, T needed "lots" of coaxing to eat his meals. One day I left the room to get something. When I came back T said with great excitement said, "Look Mommy I finished." My first thought was no he didn’t. He must have hidden the food. I looked around. As I did T’s excitement slowly left his face. He became confused as to why Mommy wasn’t happy. Wasn’t this what I wanted? Then slowly I began to realize he did eat his meal. I was wrong and had missed an opportunity to celebrate with my son. I realized I needed an attitude adjustment.

Later when I was alone I realized I was totally screwing this up. Prior to receiving the referral I had prepared mentally. Reading up on all sorts of adoption related issues. I had prepared physically. I had lost weight and started working out. However, I had not prepared to be spiritually ready to become a parent. I ended up crying out to God for forgiveness and asked for help. Then I thought about their birth mother. Would I not want to look her straight in the eye years from now knowing I had tried my best? None of our children are ours. God has given us all our children for a short time. I just have a face to look at, to think of when I hold myself accountable. I remember her saying her greatest hope for the boys’ future was for them to always be in communication with God through prayer. Then I realized God did give me a mission in Ethiopia.

Two days later I received in the mail some books discussing Christian parenting. The sender was apologetic for the timing. I giggled and knew it was Gods perfect timing.

Where are we today? No tantrums, no pinching, no pushing away and the obedience to direction is doing much better. They are not avoiding eye contact. I'm the one they want to share their joys and sorrows with. My sons and I are well bonded. I am very pleased with where we are in this journey. With an adjusted attitude I am preparing myself spiritually for the mission I received in Ethiopia. Better late than never.

Play Time

A couple of weeks ago someone sent us these dolls. We have no idea who. Please let us know who sent them so we can thank you. The boys love to play with the dolls. One day when my Mother was over T was playing with the dolls. By the end of the visit T had named them M and Papa. By coincidence this is what they call my mother (M) and father (Papa). I can tell you M and Papa are very well taken care of. T changes their diapers, feeds them and puts them down for naps.

Around the third week home T started to play make believe on his own. After a bit I realized he was mimicking Rick and I. At first I was apprehensive to see how I was doing. After watching T I gained more confidence in my parenting ability. In T's play world he cooks, plays with the dog, changes diapers, goes down for naps, eats, drinks coffee, goes for drives, prays and takes walks. Yup this pretty much covers what I've been doing since being out of work. O ya, my new best friend is Sesame Street. This is the only TV they watch. From 10am to 11 am they watch Sesame Street, eat snacks and I get stuff done.

Week four brought the boys showing jealousy over me. At first this delighted me. I had two sons jocking to have my attention. This was short lived because it is difficult to please them both at the same time. They also starting to fight with each other. I knew T was feeling comfortable at home when he got out of bed during nap time to play.

We have introduced the boys to one of our favorite pass times, hiking. K gets strapped on to my back with a snugly. T walks with his Dad or rides on Dads shoulders. Brady runs and has a blast. On Saturday we went. T tripped over a rock, fell down, went boom, and Mom told the rock it was naughty for tripping T. That delighted T. Later we saw two horses. These frightened the boys. We told them horses were good. For the next two days, over and over we heard T say, "T went boom." "Rock naughty" "Horses are good." Did I mention this was said over and over again?

Pictures of T

K Eating