Wednesday in Ethiopia

Wednesday morning was the first morning we woke up together as a family. Everyone woke up in a good mood and smiling. This day we mostly hung out together. Mid-morning we went to T's house to take pictures. He completely lost it when we arrived. The nannies explained he wasn't going to stay but nothing would claim him down. We took pictures and left pretty quickly.


This is a picture of the entrance to T's orphanage. The yellow door is the entrance. While we were there members of our group witnessed mothers trying to leave their children at the orphanage on two separate occasions.

This is the entrance to T's house.

All the laundry was done by hand. While we had K he would need to change clothes about 5 times a day. Times that by all the children=lots of laundry. It was the rainy season when we were there.It rained everyday. Every time it rained I felt so bad for who ever was in charge of the laundry. How could you get it to dry?

The other picture is of T's bed. Most children shared their bed with other child. As you can see T isn't to happy to be back. The other picture is of the children in T's house eating.

Here is the alley way leading to K's house and where we stayed at Horizon House. Below is the entrance.

Pictures

Tuesday Day 5 in Ethiopia

On Tuesday I woke up feeling very nauseous and tired. At first I thought I was getting some terrible travelers disease but the symptoms seemed to pass mid morning. I now think it was a side effect from the anti-malaria medication I was taking. (I loved the medication because while in Ethiopia I lost 7 pounds.) I asked Rick to bring the boys up to the room because I wasn’t sure I could leave. By the time he brought them up I was feeling much better.

This was the first day K opened up to us. Prior to Tuesday he wouldn’t make any eye contact, sat like a lump when we put him down and didn’t make any sounds. After about three hours he started talking, smiling at us, making eye contact but still not moving too much. At lunchtime we dropped them back off to their rooms because we were going shopping that afternoon. Where we were going wasn’t a good place to bring children.

First we dropped of K. He smiled and went to the nanny without any sign of duress. Then we went to drop off T. Solomon the security guard went with us. When we gave T to the nanny he threw a temper tantrum. (Little did we know we’d become very familiar with his temper tantrums. That’s for another blog entry.) We left and I cried the whole way back. Solomon was very caring. Without being able to speak to each other I knew he cared and was concerned that I was crying.

We went shopping after lunch. Someone very important must have been close to where we were shopping because on the two sides of where we shopped were two "undercover" security men. Parked was a Mercedes. The two men were huge, well dressed and just stood look up and down the street. They fit in as well as we did.

As soon as you step out of the car-actually before you even get out of the car-you’re surrounded by beggars and people who want to sell you stuff. There were a couple of people with sticks that would patrol the area to shoe away the people. Honestly a lot of the beggars acted like scam artists or actors. There were people you could truly see they needed help but at this market most would beg with a twinkle in their eye like they were just seeing if they could get you to give them money. It was recommended not to give people money on the streets. At times it is really hard not to.

When we returned we gave Horizon House the donation we had brought to the orphanage. Thanks to our church, New Hope Chapel, we were able to donate 70 lb. of much needed items. Everyone was so thankful and appreciative for the donation.

Then we went to get the boys. Rick went to get T and he ran into his arms. I went to get K, hoping for the same reception. K looked through me not at me. He came to me but I was back at square one with him. He gave no eye contact, no smile and didn’t say one thing to me. I was getting the cold shoulder from a 12-month-old. How did that feel? It sucked!

Between T’s meltdown when we dropped him off and K giving me the cold shoulder we decided to take the boys. Meaning having them be with us from that point on. Unfortunately, we had been scheduled to visit the Blue Nile on Wednesday. As much as we wanted to go, we were in Ethiopia for our boys not sight seeing.

That night they ate dinner with us and then we took them to our room to go to bed. This was the first time we saw T without clothes. As I undressed him to get his PJ’s on he was crying and very upset. It was amazing to see how thin he is. Once PJ’s on he calmed down until we put them to bed. They gave blood-curtailing cries for about 20 minutes. I was sure one of the nanny’s was going to bust open the door to see what we were doing to the boys to make them make such a horrible cry. The whole time we were there I never saw a nanny just let a child cry without trying to make the stop. Neither did I see any child receive any reprimand for any misbehavior.

Yes I am new at parenting but I knew 20 minutes of crying at bed time wasn’t a bad deal. It’s a no brainier this had nothing to do with me so I thanked God for our good fortune.

Here's a link to a YouTube post created by someone in our group from her trip to Awassa. We took the same trip but she's more talented because she could create this post. Click here to enjoy.

Day 4 in Ethiopia

After our first night sleeping in a room with mosquito netting we were off back to Addis. I forgot to mention a couple other things about the day we met our birth family. Ethiopia is known because the Christians and Muslims are about 40% and 40% of the population. They live side by side in peace. While driving we saw it first hand too. On the top of their thatch huts they’d "advertise" their religion with adoration to their faith. As we were leaving our birth mothers house we could hear someone speaking from a loud speaker. We thought it was a Muslim mosque. I asked the uncle and he said no they were preaching the gospel. I asked if it was a Sunday service and yes it was. I asked if it was on speaker because people couldn’t travel and he said no. The church wasn’t big enough to hold everyone who attended. It was nice imagining my children in their backyard playing and hearing the gospel.

The other thing I left out was our children’ father was Muslim. He converted just prior to marriage. His whole family was Muslim when growing up. The uncle who was with us said he was Muslim too but now a Christian. I asked how he converted. He must have interpreted my question as why. His answer, "Because Jesus is the truth." All four of us said Amen.

On our drive back we saw a few people selling things. One guy had a python skin and a Cheetah skin. Many others were selling "coal" to burn in your house. We saw many boys hurding cattle. Some seemed to be as young as 7 years old. At one point there was a roadblock to check vehicles. We stopped to get breakfast. When I went to use the lady’s room there was no TP. I was so mad at myself because I knew better. The breakfast was nothing to write home about but again the coffee was great. How could it not be? They grew it, roast it, grind it and brew it right there. One can not get fresher coffee than that.

When we got back into Addis the traffic was terrible. You need a special license to drive in Ethiopia. The horn is used a lot. We were late arriving to Horizon House.

All the families in our group were they’re waiting for us. See this was the day we all went for our children VISA appointment. We had some paper work to do together prior. We were supposed to have brought a copy of our income tax return and we didn’t. It was a bit tense because no one knew how that would effect us. Rick filled out the paperwork and I ate very quickly. Then they brought us our boys. It was Monday and we hadn’t seen them since Saturday, which also was the first time, we met them. Taking them to the US Embassy made us a bit nervous. Just when they brought them to us I noticed K needed his diaper changed.

As a side note, K needed his diaper changed often. We nicknamed him "Squirt" because when he went it squirted out everywhere, on his clothes and on you. He has two parasites: Campy and Giardia that caused the diarrhea. Happy to say all better now. Now we call him Hoover because he eats everything.

This was the first time I changed his diaper and the driver was standing right over me. We were late and he was frustrated. So was I. K was in a cloth diaper with a plastic bag tied around him. I felt like a surgeon performing an operation. "Bag I need a bag to put this in." I said in my not so happy tone of voice.

Diaper changed off we all went and piled into the van. We went through US Embassy security. We all sat in this room watching something like CNN on TV. One by one they called us. The boys were fantastic. No problems and no crying. They called us. Rick, the boys and I went up the seemingly very long flight of stairs (I carried K who weights 22 lb. but feels like 50). We stood in the correct line and hoped no one would notice we didn’t have all of the necessary paper work. The employee asked us a couple of questions and then said, "Congratulations on your adoption." That was the point I thought I was going to loose it. Here we were holding our boys, in Ethiopia and someone verified they really are ours. Some how I barely contained myself and back down the stairs we went. As we entered the room I told everyone (about 50 people-obviously not all from our group) we passed. Everyone cheered. Then we cheered every time someone from our group came down.

Later that night we all went out to dinner at an Ethiopian restaurant. They have dancers who do the different dances from the different regions in Ethiopia. It was a nice dinner. At some point I ate cow intestine. That will teach me not to ask what I’m eating prior to putting in my mouth.

Day 3 in Ethiopia

I’ve already posted on this visit so I’ll try not to repeat myself.

On Sunday, July 29, 2007, we left for our birth family visit at 6:30am. Luckily for us we had packed the day before. It was an overnight trip and when we woke up there was no power. So happy I brought a flashlight. As we walked out of our room someone had placed candles to light our way through the halls and stairs of the guesthouse. Down stairs were a few others who couldn’t sleep and our travel companions.

Our travel companions were the only other family in our group who adopted siblings. They have two 10-month-old twins, a boy and girl. Their children were brought to the orphanage the same day as our boys and from the same village. Their region is called Kambata and its in Southern Ethiopia.

It seemed to take us an hour to leave the city to the more rural part. On the way the whole capital was without power. It seemed so quiet. We saw families walking in the road wearing white shawls. We were told they were most likely going to church. It was softly raining. How I wanted to go to church service while there but it wasn’t meant to be.

As we drove out to the more rural parts we saw cactus grown has hedges. Many thatch "houses." Agriculture seemed to how people generated money. It appeared families were self-supported by the land. At one point we saw a chalkboard attached to a tree with about 30 children learning the English alphabet. We were behind a truck full of camels. We thought that was the funniest thing. When we asked our driver where they might be going he told us to slaughter because the Somalians ate them. Our social worker told us she saw about 100 of them out wild. That must have been a wild sight. We saw lots of people carrying plastic jugs for water. We saw many people relieving themselves right on the street. Many men walk with their arms around other men. One sight that is forever etched into my mind is one water area where I saw one person washing clothes, another relieving themselves and yet another filling up a water jug. We had entered the part of Ethiopia where people have to walk miles to get dirty water that will make them sick.

It took us 4 hours to drive to Awasa the closest "city" to where our birth parents live. That was where we picked up the three others who were apart of our group. It took us another 1-2 hour drive to reach our birthmother’s home. Awasa was where we slept that night after our birthmother visit. It also had a lake behind it that had hippos. We didn’t see any.

Our birthmother grew her own coffee, bananas, ensete, and avocados. The ensect is something that takes like a month to make but then can remain eatable for 3 years. It helps sustain them at times of famine. Her husband had built the house prior to his passing. Before they all lived in the thatch house he grew up in. The new house was a mansion compared to what we saw. Our birthmother decorated the house with flowers on the walls and entranceway, tablecloths and hay on the ground.
Well we think the hay on the ground was decoration. We didn’t see it on the other homes we passed. When we asked our driver if the hay was to decorate the house he misunderstood me and said, "No the floor is made of cow shit." Call it jet lag or poor manners but this struck me funny. I tried to repeat my question but his answer remained the same. He then went into detail of how they make the floor out of cow shit. We were all kind of amused by his answer. I repeated what he said, "So what you’re saying is the floor is made out of cow shit!" When he heard me say "cow shit" he and I started to laugh and continued to laugh for a long time (it was a bonding moment).
During the birthfamily visit I kept trying to soak it all in, memory storage. I remember looking at the birthmother’s father and seeing his eyes as so soft and warm. When I looked at our driver, Joseph, he appeared to really be enjoying himself. Everyone was happy and made us feel so welcome. It was one of the best days of my life. I was so thankful to have been able to have such a wonderful experience.
Our sons birthmother was outgoing, regal, friendly, a great communicator and strong. She was adamant the boys are raised Christian and is in constant communication with God through prayer. She had asked when we would bring the boys to see her. I told her it was my dream for all of us to return when turned 18. She thought that was so long. I thought from your lips to Gods ears maybe it will be sooner.
At the end of the meeting she offered us to stay to eat. This of course made us all nervous. We said a little prayer asking God to protect us and he did. The food was very good. It seemed extraordinary that she pulled out her most valuable resources to offer us, food. This was the one thing she couldn’t provide sufficiently for her sons. This was one of the reasons she made the adoption plan but she opened both hands to share with us so freely. Being in her presence humbled me. Our meeting was long but we didn’t want to say good bye. She filled Rick’s backpack with banana’s and avocados. When we returned to the orphanage we learned T loves bananas and avocados and ate most of what she gave us.

Our trip to Ethiopia

It has taken me a while but here's our first two days of traveling. God willing I'll journal each day and post on the blog. Here's day 1 and 2.

We left on 7/27/07. We flew out of Providence, RI. Our flight was scheduled for 6:30 am so we arrived at 5:00am. I had a dream we forgot the stroller. Guess what, we forgot the stroller on the shuttle bus but got it back. We arrived at Dulles airport around 7:30 am and left on Ethiopian Air at 9:45 am. At Dulles we met, N, who was also adopting a 3-year-old boy from our agency. She was traveling alone and it was good we could help each other out. (We knew we were traveling together from the yahoo on-line group) The flights were very smooth with no problems other than my TV didn’t work.


On 7/28/07 we arrived in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia at 8:15 am. (Ethiopia’s time is about 7 hours ahead of us) Our total airtime was 17 hours. Once in Addis we had to go through customs. Rick and I were on the last bus to bring us to the airport from where the plane landed because we were helping some elderly Ethiopians get off the plane. This put us way in back of the line for customs. Consequently, it took us 1 & ½ hours to get through the customs line (we already had our visa). As we waited in line we could see our luggage on the belt. By the time we made it through customs the belt stopped running and our luggage was no where in sight. Rick, N and I were checking everywhere to find our luggage. Anyone we asked for help said they didn’t speak English. I was very tired and a bit cranky. My solution, in the middle of the airport, I yelled out three times, "I need help!" Someone came running over to shut me up. I explained our situation and she helped us find our luggage. Then we went through the luggage scanners again and out to the front of the airport. We saw, Mullet, our driver and met two other families that were on the same flight who were also with our agency. Off we went with to the van. No one offered to help until we got to the van. Then people were just grabbing our luggage and helping to put it on top of the van. We had been told people would do this and would expect a tip. While in the airport we exchanged $100 for birr (Ethiopian money). We gave them about a $10 tip.

Off we drove through the capital, Addis Ababa, to our orphanage. In the city we saw goats, cows, and chickens everywhere, even the streets. Lots and lots of people on the streets too. We’re told in Addis there are 2 million people. Some things that struck me were so many people without shoes or other pieces of clothing. So many people seemingly doing nothing or having nothing to do. Beggars running and following our van asking for money. Children around 10 years old were trying to sell us gum or tissue. Young mothers were begging us for food to feed their babies. People sleeping, literally, in the streets. Exhaust from cars making us gag. Finally, scaffolding made from sticks.



At about 11:00 am we arrived at our orphanage, Horizon House. We drove down an ally way and came to a gate. The driver beeped his horn and the gate with barbed wire opened. There we were in a courtyard. To the right was the Horizon House or guesthouse. This was where we stayed. To the left was the guard station was. Right in front of us was about 5-9’ x 9’ rooms for the infants.
We all unloaded our luggage and ourselves. First we were all shown our rooms. Then we went down to the courtyard to meet K first. As we arrived we saw other parents already had their children. It was surreal to see people like us meeting their children for the first time. The nanny brought us to K’s room. It had about 8 or 10 children, two to a crib, aged 6 to 12 months. At the door the nanny said K is in there. There was no light and it took my eyes a minute to adjust. I looked around at the cribs and the infants in the cribs. My secret concern was I wouldn’t be able to pick K out. Then I saw him and went over to pick him up. He stared at us and didn’t smile. I was so happy to be holding K finally. He was cuter than the picture. K has a hernia on his belly button and I was concerned because I didn’t know they were harmless. We stayed with K for about 15 minutes and went to meet T.

A guard walked us to where T was staying. It was in a different location but only a 5-minute walk. There is a tall wall with a gate and barbed wire. Our guard knocked on the gate. Soon the gate opened by another guard and the two men spoke. We heard the other guard say something to others behind the gate. All we could make out was T’s name. Then he opened the gate. At first we saw about 20 children. Then it was like the Red Sea. The children parted and the open path led us to T. He stood there looking shy and not really knowing what to do. I thought, "T I don’t really know what to do either." We knelt down to his eye level and began speaking to him. Then I took out an animal cracker for him. As I did I realized there were the other 20 children and 5 nanny’s watching. I heard my mother in my ear, "If you don’t have enough to share with everyone don’t eat it in front of others." Ooops this was one of the first mistakes I’ll make as a parent. I picked T up and carried him over to a ball. I sat on the ground and we rolled the ball between Rick and T who was in my lap. We stayed with T for about 15 minutes and went back to Horizon House for lunch. Then we took a two-hour nap. We went and got K. Rick stayed with K while I went to get T to bring him back to Horizon House to be with K and us. When T saw me he came running into my arms. He looked so proud as I carried him away from the others.

When T and K first saw each other there were no tears or any emotion. T would not go to Rick or anyone that first day. The four of us sat in a corner and played with toys. I had a stuffed animal for each boy. We had already given K his. When I gave T his stuffed animal his eyes lit up as if I had given him the most precious gift. He played with it for a minute and then gave it to K. Then he started to hug and kiss K. At around 5:30pm we brought them back to their rooms for the night. Rick and I had dinner and went to bed.

Getting time to write on the blog isn’t as easy as it used to be. Go figure. We’ve settled into a nice routine. We wake up around 6 or 7am. Eat and sing bible songs at breakfast. While I clean up from breakfast the boys play. Then we all get dressed and brush our teeth. We go for a walk. Then more play time. Eat lunch around 11:30am. More play time. Nap time is 1:00-3:00pm. After nap time is more play time. Dinner at 5:30pm. Play time again until 7pm. Then we pray together as a family and read until 7:30pm. (Don’t tell my pastor but reading scriptures puts the boys to sleep.) Most nights by 8:00 pm all boys under 3 years old are asleep in the Wheeler home.

So far it’s not too different from working. At work I found myself saying the same thing over again and again. "Did you document the incident?" "No we can’t terminate without discussing the performance issue first with the employee." "Did you speak to your supervisor about your concerns first before coming to me?"

Now that I'm a parent I find myself saying the same thing over and over again too. Now it’s "T let your brother play with that toy too." "K, don’t put that in your mouth." "T did you get a boo boo? I’m sorry you got hurt." "Do you have to do bubbles?"

Here's our first picture as a family. It was taken the first day we met the boys in Ethiopia. Yes, as you can see I hogged the boys by not letting Rick hold them.

Good to be home

It is so good to be home. Thank you to Sandy, my sister in law, for posting the blogs while we were away. Even if she did insert her own comment about my thinking Ethiopia coffee is the best. For those of you who don't know I work for a company that sells coffee and am always trying to get everyone to drink it. Consequently, she found it funny for me to mention Ethiopian coffee was the best I've ever tasted.

It turned out to be a good idea to have her post the blogs because I couldn't get the blog to come up while in Ethiopia.

We're all adjusting well and getting to know one another. I'll post more about the trip later but just wanted to say thanks for your prayers.

Here are the boys by the pool at home. They love the pool.

Our first full day/night together

Today is Wednesday. Update on the boys. T has not had one accident with us. We've worked out a system for him to let us know when he needs to use the washroom. Actually this is his system and we picked up pretty fast. For #1 he grabs his penis. If he grabbed his bum and scrunched up his face this means #2. T now LOVES his daddy. He is very talkative and sings to himself. He eats bananas, avocados, pizza, pasta, squash, mango and chocolate cake. K also likes bananas and mango but not avocados. Cheerios are a big hit with both. T is regularly calling me mommy and Rick daddy. He has had several meltdowns when he doesn't get his way but they're short, same for K.

On Monday, after we left our birth families visit we went to the other couples. I think I mentioned they were from the same village. This visit was much the same as ours. At the end we ate again. They served us coffee from their backyard. Its sooooo good. They serve it black with sugar.

When we left we went to stay at what we were told was a nice hotel. People define nice differently. We ate at the hotel restaurant and that was a good meal.

On Sunday, we fed K for the first time in his nursery. His room has about 8 children in about 5 cribs. All the children' ages range from 6-12 months. The nanny places all the children on the floor in a circle. They eat many different things besides bottles. Usually injera. Injera is the food of Ethiopia. They eat it three meals a day and I hope I don't eat it again soon. It's like a fermented pancake. They serve it with different stew like foods. The nanny tears a piece of injera, mush's it with her fingers, and adds the stew. Then with her hands she feeds the babies. It looks like a mother bird feeding their baby birds. Rick and I tried some of K's food and found our 1 year old son has a higher tolorance for spicy food than we do.

In T's house, all the children sit at round tables. First they all say a prayer of thanks for their food. Then the nannies give each child a plate of injera with stew. Most children could feed themselves. After they eat, all the children are lined up on potty's outside. What amazed Rick and I was when they were at the tables and on the potty's no one tried to get up. It was their routine and they went with the flow. After potty time they take naps.

On Tuesday, we had both T and K for the morning. It took a while before I could get K to interact with me or look me in the eyes. Then we brought them back to their houses so we could go out shopping. K went fine but T had a wild meltdown. It broke our hearts. After shopping we went to get the boys again. K was angry with me and he showed it. I had to start from square one with him to gain his trust. On Wednesday, we were supposed to go to the Blue Nile falls but we decided not to. We had the boys sleep in our room last night for the first time and stayed with them all day. It has been fantastic.