Some questions are easy to answer

Some questions are easy to answer and some are more difficult. When we have Nemo & Nema I suspect people will ask lots of questions. I want to be prepared to answer them. Let's practice how to answer some questions.



Where are Nemo & Nema from? They're from Connecticut. They were born in Ethiopia and are now U.S. citizens.

Who are their real parents? Their real parents, Rick & Kateri, are raising them. They also have birthparents in Ethiopia.

How much did it cost to adopt? The average is between $15,000- $21,000 depending on the country. If someone is truly interested I'll give more details. Often people hear adoption costs a lot and they're validating if its true. I indulge this question so hopefully enough awareness will be raised so employers will give the same benefits to adoptive parents as birthparents.

Why did their parents give them up? This will need to be tailored after we adopt. The short answer is, "Their parents loved them very much and their decision to make an adoption plan was very unselfish. They wanted Nemo & Nema to be raised in a family that would be able to care for them and love them."

How much do you know about Nemo & Nema's real family? I believe you're asking about their birth-family. We know enough to share this private information with Nemo & Nema. Nemo & Nema will decide if and when they want to share this information.

Who loves you baby? We do and we can't wait to get you home.

Fart Proudly

"He that is conscious of
A Stink in his Breeches,
Is jealous of every Wrinkle
In another’s Nose."
-Benjamin Franklin,
Poor Richard’s Almanack, 1751


Back in Benjamin Franklin’s day, so I hear, people were much more inclined to speak of "hot" issues. They weren’t so concerned with offending another or being politically correct. You could use strong words like fart or even dare I say Lord. People actually let them rip when nature called. Today were so evolved we don’t want to offend anyone. Consequently, we avoid any type of controversy. This has left us impotent in our ability to discover truth or sharpen views through amicable discussions with one another. I recognize this with my self. In the world of adoption as we continue to broaden our understanding of the issues involved it becomes more and more apparent how many people have distorted views of adoption. It’s so easy to see because I saw them in myself first. One view that comes into play over and over is the- aren’t we the Mother Teresa type of people because we’re adopting.

Often when we share with people that we’re adopting from Ethiopia we hear "You folks are very Christian for doing that." Or "That will be one very lucky child." Not the kind of lucky because Rick and I are so very wonderful (although that is sometimes the meaning). Most of the time they mean because we’ll be bringing a child from a very poor nation to a very wealthy nation. Seems pretty harmless huh. Flash forward 10 years when Nemo and Nema is witness to this conversation. What does that communicate to them? That we’re their savior’s. That they’re indebted to us. Not the breeding ground for the foundation of unconditional love type of family.

It has a very subtle delivery of the viewpoint that adoption is second best, second choice, or last resort. My respect and honor to those who it was their first choice. For me it was my second choice. My first choice was the way of Adam and Eve. God had a different plan for me. Like Jesus in the garden I did say, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." Trouble is I put a lot of focus on the first part of the scripture, take this cup away. God is very patient. For longer than I care to admit I tried to convince him to do it my way. I never thought adoption would be my best choice. What I soon discovered is God can change your heart. Its my hearts desire to adopt from Ethiopia. I long for it and dream if it like any expectant mother. Its no longer my second choice. It’s God’s plan for our lives. It’s His will and His will be done (if I just learn to get out of the way).
Because we’re adopting transnational and transcultural children we’ll have many opportunities to be ambassadors of adoption. Helping to dispel false perceptions or stop perpetuating adoption myths. To do this we’re going to have to hit controversial subjects head-on. We’ll need to fart proudly.

We have a digger...

"The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter

till the full light of day."

Proverbs 4:18

Yesterday I found out my parenting light of righteous is just a flicker. Our son Brady came into the house covered in mud. My first thought was, "Okay our children will come home in mud. No big deal." First I saw his nose. It was black and dripping with mud. His whole nose not just the end. Then I looked down at his feet, his paws up to the half way mark of his legs-covered in black mud. I went to grab him and any time you touch him he thinks you want to play. So Brady gets all excited and jumps on me. Now I have dripping mud all over me. Still seeing this as an opportunity to develop my parenting skills I think, "No big deal. Yes they are my favorite pj's but they can be washed." Next Brady realizes he's wet. What do dogs do when they're wet. Yup they shake. Brady did shake and he shook. I stood watching helplessly as black mud flew all over our freshly painted kitchen walls. The walls my husband has been working on after work and on the weekends. Still completely impressed with how I was handling this unexpected event before work I thought, "That's okay, I can wash the walls and my husband will never see the dotted mud streaked white walls." Before I could address the walls I knew I had to clean Brady up. As I went to get a towel-he took off onto our clean carpet. Okay I can clean the carpet, I thought. Now I was started to talk to my self through clenched teeth. The lighthearted approach was fading and I was doing my best to fake it. So off I go to clean off Brady. Sometimes Brady likes to play keep-a-way and much to my chagrin this turned into one of them. Around the house I chased my mud slinging dog. No longer trying to fake any pretense's of righteousness. This was war. Good against evil. Good-me fighting to keep our house clean against evil-Brady doing his best to sling mud all over my house. Yes finally I get a hold of Brady. As I try to clean him off he continues to play. Play for Brady means continually biting you and grabbing your arms between his arms. No he doesn't bit hard but still a nuance. Now I'm reduced to screaming, "No Brady-Stop Brady" thinking somehow its a volume issue. Apparently he can't hear me. I must yell louder. Just what the neighbors want to hear at 5:30am. Finally I wrestle him to the floor. Did I mention our 7 month old puppy is pushing 60 pounds? I wrapped my legs around his body and put his head into a head lock so I could clean the mud off him. As you can imagine I was a little late for work. When I walked in the someone mentioned, "Running a little late today?" To which I responded, "ya I decided to do a little cleaning around the house."

Where did the mud come from? Brady dug a hole right in the pathway my husband walks in the morning, in the dark, to his truck. Thus, we have a digger. Pray my light gets brighter before Nemo & Nema come home.

I did learn something from this experience. It's okay -I can clean mud off of the floor, dog, kitchen table, dining room table, carpet, kitchen walls, living room walls, heck lots of walls, couches, wood floors, pj's, oven, fridge, and dishwasher.

Happy Valentine's Day

"Now about brotherly love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other."

1 Thessalonians 4:9

It must have started before but I didn't recognize the change in me until I read how the Islamists wanted to go into Ethiopia to terrorize people. It was the first time I realized I loved Ethiopia. I've read about her and now knew her in a more intimate way. The thought of anyone wanting to bring evil onto to her soil really bothered me. Then yesterday I was watching a Save the Children infomercial and they were showing children in Africa. As I watched the realization of I could be looking at Nemo or Nema came to my awareness. Like many people I've seen those and thought "O those poor people. I'll need to remember them in my prayers." and that was it. I have a connection now to those people through our adoption. I'm not as moved when I hear in other areas of the world of the killing or how people are dieing from the same things as the people in Africa. The difference is my connection with Africa. How can God love the whole world? He created us and you can't get more connected than that. I do believe I'm being taught to love in a new dimension.

Here's a link to an article about Ethiopian Adopting in the US. Click here

Color is more than skin deep

7 minute video of African-American girls trying to define themselves. Click Here

6-week no hold

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

Gelatians 6:9

For us adoptive parents our "pregnancy" is filled with learning about our child's birth origin, transracial/transnational, attachment and bonding issues. One piece of advice that keeps coming up over and over again is for at least 6-weeks only Mom and Dad can hold, feed or change the children. This is difficult for a couple of reasons.

First I think of my mother. She has been a real trooper. No one has seen my transparency through this experience more than my mother (other than Rick). My feelings and emotions at times were strong and raw. Others shut down and clearly communicated they wanted no part of that side of the adoption process but my mother was right there, unflinching. I find myself thinking there has to be a special reward for that strong a dedication. The idea of denying her the ability to hold her grandchildren hurts.

The second is helping family and friends understand the reasons why. We've spent countless hours reading and studying these issues. In no way do I suspect we're experts but we do have a bit of knowledge. How do we share all that to help the people we care the most about understand we're looking out for the best interests of our children. The major misconception is young children won't remember anything nor will they grieve. I pray I have the patience to continue to try to educate and challenge this assumption with facts.

The third reason is I suspect we're going to be tired and want help when Nemo & Nema arrive. Will we be able to resist the temptation to let others care for Nemo & Nema to give us a break?

Here is one helpful web site that discusses how to help family and friends understand. Click Here

White Mother, Black Son

NPR radio show, click here.