The Gift

"Tis the gift to be simple,

Tis the gift to be free,

Tis the gift to come down

Where we ought to be.

And when we find ourselves

In the place just right,

Twill be in the valley

Of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gain'd

To bow and to bend

We shan't be asham'd,

To turn, turn will be our delight

Til by turning, turning we come round right.

-Shaker Hymn, 1848
It was 1992 when I first heard of the notion to ‘pray for God’s will’ and I didn’t like the idea very much. I had told my Nana about a job I wanted very much and had interviewed for. Her response was, "I’ll pray you receive the job if its Gods will." I went home and told my mother about what had happened. We laughed together at my reaction, which was, "No pray I get the job." To heck whether or not its Gods will. I didn’t get that job but I did get a better job in the end. That was my first lesson in searching for God’s will for my life.

Flash-forward to 2002 I had another lesson in praying for God’s will. Rick and I had spent the year with doctors testing to see if we could have biological children. This time I was a least smart enough to pray, "Lord, I don’t trust myself to do the right thing because my desire to have children is so strong. So please work through my husband for your will to be done." This was my prayer at the beginning of our journey.
After about a year we had our appointment scheduled to hear our final test results as to whether or not we could have children without medical intervention. Rick and I talked about what we were willing and not willing to do. I knew my flesh was weak. I was so afraid my desire to have children would compromise my agreement with Rick. One day I was driving to work and silently prayed, "God I can do this with your help. I need to know this is your will. If it is when I come home from work tonight and I find Rick reading about Abraham in the Bible I’ll know its your will to do what Rick and I agreed to. God it can’t be two nights from today that I find him reading the bible. It can’t be him reading about anything else. If it is, it will give me enough wiggle room to discount our agreement here and now." Off I went to work and forgot about my Morning Prayer. When I came home Rick was no where to be seen. Upstairs I called for him and he answered downstairs. At the top of the stairs I said, "What are you doing?" He said, "Reading." Me, "What are you reading?" Rick, "The bible." At this point I remembered my Morning Prayer and knew the answer to my next question without asking. Me, "What are you reading in the Bible?" Rick, "I’m reading about Abraham." By this point the hairs on my arms where standing straight up. I thought, "Well Rick doesn’t know about my prayer-I still have wiggle room." As the night went on I realized that if God was going to answer my prayer in such an amazing way I couldn’t throw it in his face. That night I shared what happened with Rick.

A few days later we went to that fateful appointment. As we sat across from the doctor who shared the news I was filled with a joy and peace you just can’t explain. Here I was being told that the best science could tell (taking into account my husbands and my agreement) we would not have biological children and I couldn’t have been happier. I felt like the light of the world was within me and I was full of love. My God had spoken to me clearly. Cared enough to answer a quite prayer. Of all the things going on in this world He took time to assure me HE was in control.

That was good enough for me.