The Power of the Tongue

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit."
Proverbs 18:21

Initially, I never questioned whether I had control over whether or not I would have children. So realizing that I didn’t came as a shock. At the onset of this journey I made a personal pledge to be transparent in my struggles with infertility. This was a welcome mat for many well meaning but hurtful words from others. Yes at times I was hypersensitive to others. I remember one specific time someone said something very hurtful and I thought, "That was ignorant." Then I realized it really was ignorant. They had no idea how painful their words were. I was able to take the focus off myself and thank God they were ignorant. That meant they were unfamiliar with infertility and all the pain associated. Thankfully God had brought me to a place of accpetance. I trust in HIS plan to build our family through adoption. However, there are lessons that were learned and now shared.

One in six couples in North America will experience a significant infertility problem during their married life.

Here are my top ten things NOT to stay when someone shares their infertility struggle.
1."It will happen quicker if you relax and stop worrying." I’ve had the desire to have children for over 10 years and my age is an issue (or will be).
2."You DO know it takes sex to make a baby, right?" Really not funny.
3."If you want kids, take mine!" Especially nice to hear after a birth mother changes her mind.
4."I'll lend you my husband -- he just looked at me and I got pregnant." So happy to hear it was so easy for you, not.
5. "Aren't you pregnant yet?" No-- and my monthly reminders aren’t enough thank you for filling in the gaps.
6."You’ve got more time to spend together-be thankful." Our love is so awesome we want to share it.
7."You can’t miss something you never had." I’ve had to bury a child no one could see but was real in my dreams.
8."Maybe it wasn't meant to be." Hello rain cloud.
9."Just adopt-you’ll get pregnant." It’s a lot more complicated than you know.
10. My personal favorite…"Think of all the money you’ll save?"

What can you do the help?

1.Let them cry; cry with them. Sometimes we just need to let it out.
2. Pray for them. The power of prayer accomplishes much.
3. Tell them you’re praying for them. It’s comforting.
4.If you have nothing to say, say nothing. Give a hug and ask them if there’s anything you can do to help.
5. Be ready to listen.
6. Don't offer advice unless you are very well informed.
7.Be sensitive and don't joke about infertility.
8.Be patient. It’s hard enough for us to remain patient without concern with yours.
9. Tell them privately when someone close to you both is pregnant. It gives them time to process their reaction.
10. Above all, be there when they need you and show them that you care.