Our Ethiopian Adoption Journey

The Beginning of Our Journey

2009-07-25T08:08:00.000-07:00

2008 Christmas

2008-12-27T05:42:00.001-08:00

Water For LIFE-Ethiopia

2008-11-01T12:18:00.000-07:00

"And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward."

Matthew 10:42

Last night with the help with my co-workers we were able to raise $400 to help build a well in Ethiopia. We partnered with Life Outreach International-Water For Life Mission.

I live in a great neighborhood that gets a lot of trick or treaters on Halloween night. One way to build sales at Tim Hortons is by just getting the product in peoples hands. So I thought why not treat the trick or treaters to free Tim Hortons products. While we're at it we can raise money, through donations, to help build a well in Ethiopia. That was the Genesis of the idea.

We had about 8 volunteers. At 6pm we opened for business. At 6:30pm I started to think, "Gee it seems so much busier from inside the house years past." We were all thinking the same thing, "This is going to be a bust." Then at 6:45pm my saving grace-we had people and lots of them. I'd guess we served about 300 people. My prayer is they continue to visit the local Tim Hortons. Also, that all who gave donations are blessed abundantly.

August 2008 One Year Anniversary

2008-09-27T12:21:00.000-07:00

In August we celebrated our one year anniversary. It has been quite the journey. No-one could've prepared us for what we were in for. I completely under estimated how much of a life adjustment it would be.

We are now in a sweet spot. Each of us has had time to really get to know one another. The truth is we had a few disappointments along the way.

At first, each of us had an image of who we were going to be. Each of us failed to live up to that image.

Then each of us had an idea of who we should be. We failed here too.

Then we saw both the good and bad in each other. We were disappointed to see each other’s not so nice qualities.

Finally, we are in a spot where we know the good and bad and love each other anyway. Ahh, the sweet spot.

And we're having FUN, tired but having fun!

"In his heart a man plans his course,
but the Lord determines his steps."

Proverbs 16:9

No Fish

2008-07-18T02:57:00.000-07:00

First Fish

2008-07-18T02:53:00.001-07:00

First Day At The Beach

2008-07-03T03:37:00.000-07:00

Very late---Happy New Year!!

2008-01-08T03:04:00.000-08:00

Psalm 113

"Praise the Lord.

Praise, O servants of the Lord,

praise the name of the Lord.

Let the name of the Lord be praised,

both now and forevermore.

From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets,

the name of the Lord is to be praised.

The Lord is exalted over all the nations,

his glory above the heavens.

Who is like the Lord our God,

the One who sits enthroned on high,

who stoops down to look

on the heavens and the earth?

He raises the poor from the dust

and lifts the needy from the ash heap;

he seats them with princes,

with the princes of their people.

He settles the barren woman in her home

as a happy mother of children.

Praise the Lord."

It is amazing, last year I was the barren woman. This year I am the happy mother of children. Will I continue to be amazed each time our Lord takes time to look at me and raise me from the dust.

Friday in Ethiopia (part 3)

2007-12-18T04:02:00.000-08:00

Off we went for our flight that was to be around 10pm. Within the first half an hour T had a meltdown. There was no consoling him. A few Ethiopian women came over and tried to help us calm him down. He would have none of it. The good mommy that I am I broke out baby Benadryl and gave it to T. We had done a test run with the Benadryl while in Ethiopia to make sure it made the boys drowsy. The test run was successful.

While we were waiting we had many people come over to us and ask us about the boys. Most were missionary workers. Then we heard our flight was going to be delayed. T was still having a hard time keeping it together.

There was a large group of teenage children from another African country with White English speaking leaders. These children and their leaders started to entertain us all with song and dance. From what they chose to sing we knew they were Christians. We all had such a good time listening to them.

Our flight didn’t end up leaving until around 12:30am. You may be thinking the boys were asleep by this point, nope. Not sure what happened to my trusty friend named Benadryl but both boys were wide-awake. We found our sits. There were right behind the row with the bulkhead. The backs of our seats were against the wall. You know how you can recline your seats on airplanes. You can’t if there’s a wall behind you. I felt screwed out of those few precious inches for 16 hours until we reached Washington, D.C.

As we buckled in T he had another meltdown. Again, a few Ethiopian women tried to calm him down. Again, he would have none of it. Yes we were that family with the screaming child for the ENTIRE flight. Okay literally it was not the entire flight but it was a lot of it. I know he must have slept at some point but I don’t remember when. The only one who slept was K and that wasn’t even much. But Boy did we eat well. I felt like a senior citizen in a retirement home, the one that spends their time thinking about and excitedly anticipating their next meal. You know you’ve traveled for a long time when you eat three meals on the same flight. We did stop in Rome to refuel and have a change in staff. Before we took off we all were instructed to buckle our seat belts. The plane isn’t moving yet and we try to buckle T in. This brought on another meltdown. The airline attendant came over to us and said something to the effect of "Can’t you make him stop." To which we replied, "No, we don’t even speak the same language. You try." So she did and it didn’t work. Then she said, "Why did you fly if this is how he reacts?" How helpful! Yes how stupid of us not to find alternate transportation from Ethiopia to the U.S. She must have realized the stupidity of her words because when we were getting off the plane she was very nice to us (or maybe she was just happy to see us go).

So there we were trying to make the best of our 16-hour flight with two boys who couldn’t understand a word we said. T continued to have meltdowns. As I looked at the others who sat around us no one seemed bothered by it. I had a bag full of new toys to keep the boys occupied. They worked on K but not on T. He couldn’t be bought.

K continued to have diarrhea. The lady in front of us offered her bassinet attached to the bulkhead. Although very tempting it wasn't a good idea because I didn't want to pass on what K had to her child. We didn't see any place to change K in the airplane bathrooms. I changed him where we sat.

Part 3 coming soon.

1st Birthday Cake

2007-12-04T03:06:00.000-08:00

Look who had a birthday. He made up for it with three birthday parties!K must be reading the stocks.

Last day in Ethiopia (part 2)

2007-12-02T11:19:00.000-08:00

Second half of Friday in Ethiopia. When we returned from shopping we all ate lunch together and then put the boys down for their naps. While the boys slept we made the mad dash to get all our packing done. We left most of the clothes and toys we had brought with us. Once in Ethiopia it’s hard not to leave everything you own.

After naps our travel group gathered for the coffee ceremony. Most of the nanny’s, the other children in the orphanage and all the other staff members joined to say good bye. The nanny’s and children danced and sang for us. T became very sullen. We had a sense this was upsetting him. Now that we know him better we realize it did upset him. Grief is a funny thing. It doesn’t feel good when you go through it but its something we need to go through to get to the other side. Although it upset T, it was an opportunity to say, "see you again Ethiopia." As parents I was full of emotion. We knew the ceremony was to say good bye to their birth country. We mourned for those who couldn’t mourn for themselves.

The coffee ceremony was delicious.

First incense was burning. Next they brought a bowl and jug to pour water over your hands to wash them. Then they brought around the coffee has it was roasting so we could smell the aroma. One of the travel members was selected to cut this huge round loaf of bread. It looked like the same bread our birth mother served us and it was just as yummy. Then we were served the coffee in these tiny cups with sugar. I know I’ve mentioned this before but the coffee is awesome. I could not get enough of it. Next popcorn was served.

At the end of the ceremony we all said our good byes and ate dinner. For the people who stayed in the guesthouse with us it was hard to say good bye. We had all shared something very special and bonds were made. I made a mad dash over to T’s orphanage to take pictures of other families children to send to them when we returned home. As I was leaving one girl about 6 came up to me saying something. I had no idea what she said but I did hear her say T’s name. I took her picture thinking she was Ts friend.

Back at Horizon House we did a video interview on top of the house. We tried to get some family pictures taken too but T kept looking at the city. We couldn’t get him to look at the camera. Then about five families piled into the van to go to the airport. It was about 7pm. It was our first time seeing the city in the dark.
When we arrived at the airport everyone tried to get from the parking lot to the airport quickly. Beggars and people wanting to help you for a tip just surrounded you making it hard to make your way through. Mullet our driver helped Rick and I navigate our way through to the airport. I felt honored and blessed that out of all the families he chose us to help. Once we reached the airport he kissed both Rick and I and said, "God bless you." That was one thing that really struck me. Everyone we met seemed to be sincerely grateful we were adopting our boys.
Then we went in the airport. It is very daunting to be in a third world country. At the airport everything seemed so unorganized but they have very friendly workers. Everyone in Ethiopia seemed to have a joy despite the poverty. As we waited in line for about an hour we saw lots of families like ours. It was amazing to see all these parents with little Ethiopian children. It seemed they were all under 12 months except for our two. As we made eye contact with them there was a knowing understood bond that we all shared. We all looked a bit dazed, tired, confused and excited all at the same time.

When we arrived to the luggage check in counter the conveyer belt was broken. There was this huge pile of luggage on the belt that ran onto the floor. As the gentleman took our four large bags of luggage I quietly kissed them good bye. I thought there is no way they are going to make it back to little Rhode Island.

More to come...

Why so open?

2007-11-28T03:15:00.000-08:00

In October we went pumpkin picking with out agency. There were about 20 families. We had a great time. T still talks about feeding the cows.

My three sons.

Here's what my bathroom looks like when I get ready in the morning.

Thank you to everyone who writes comments of appreciation for my openness. It is a bit scary to be so "out there." I do this for the other folks who are adopting. If you go through the same thing it may not seem so scary to know you’re not alone or it may help to prepare for what’s to come.

Do I love them yet?

2007-11-25T15:51:00.000-08:00

Okay you can stop the hate mail. Here’s an update. We’re all doing great. It’s month #4 and it is all starting to feel more natural.

During the first week home while sleeping I heard something that made me get out of bed. In the dark hallway I bumped into something. As I put my hands out to touch what I bumped into I felt something strange. Slowly I began to realize it was a child. Then I realized it was T. Finally I remembered I was his Mom. This is how it was for the first few months. It all felt so unnatural. Constantly trying to retrain my mind to take hold of my new role as Mommy.

Do all mothers constantly quiz themselves with the question, "Do I love them yet?" Of course this is asked quietly because if you ever really shared it openly people would think you’re an unfit mother. There is a lot of guilt and shame associated with that question. Having this question looming around can open the door to lies dressed as truth. This hidden concern along with my clumsy parenting made me feel like we were doomed. Someone once said to me, "Darkness is the breeding ground for sin." Despite my instinct to keep this horrible question to myself I asked others who had also adopted. One person soothed, "As you have shared experiences you’ll grow to love them more each day." Then one of my best friends said, "So do not throw away you confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." Hebrews 10:35-36

Once I opened up and shared this most embarrassing question and struggle the stronghold seemed to vanish. In the dark, the lies held power to influence my behavior. Once it was out in the open its power was extinguished. What I have learned the past few weeks is to trust my instincts. In the beginning I was trying to analyze everything and fit it into a box. Situations were either because the boys were adopted, grieving, going through a huge transition or age box. Then I’d try to apply what I’d learn from the "experts". Sometimes the Holy Spirit would tell me their advice was wrong. I squashed the Spirit like a bug because the "experts" said to do this that and so. As I stood on head knowledge the whole thing would turn quickly to crap before my eyes. One thing I learned is the experts aren’t always right but the Holy Spirit is.

I’m getting to know the boys and I’m falling in love with them more and more each day. As a result, I’m feeling more comfortable as a Mommy. It is all getting so much easier as I know them better. Its funny as I look back on the two referral pictures we first received-- those two boys seem like strangers to me now. T and K are nothing like I had imagined as I stared and memorized their pictures for the two months before meeting them. They seem to have made this transition relatively effortlessly and smoothly.

Remember Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer when his girlfriend said she thought he was cute. Rudolph was euphoric as he flew through the air with this revelation. The other day I was holding K and my mother tried to give me a kiss. K put his hand over my mouth and looked at my mother as if to say, "No, my Mommy." Then K put his lips on mine. I could have flown myself as I realized K loved me and wanted me for himself.

Today T and I took a nap together. When we woke up K and Rick joined us on the bed. T looked at me as if to say, "This stinks, I liked it better when it was just the two of us." Then Rick and K started to do belly blows on my belly. T pulled my shirt down and sharply told them to stop. Daddy asked T if he wanted Mommy for himself to which he simply replied, "Yes!" Again you could have peeled me from the ceiling I was so happy.

Hay boys, "I love you too."

Last Day In Ethiopia

2007-10-09T12:58:00.000-07:00

Friday was our last day in Ethiopia. We were so excited to go home. The Horizon guesthouse was great but there is no place like home. In the morning we went shopping.

Mullet was our driver and guide. I have to say we always felt safe because of the terrific staff. We had decided to take the boys with us. Mullet seemed a bit concerned about our decision but honored it. I think he was concerned it would be too much for the boys and us. Caution to the wind, we all went together.

About 10 of us climbed into the van and we headed to go shopping. Driving in Ethiopia takes special skills. The roads are narrower and you are dodging people, chickens, goats, cows and the occasional sleeping person. The exhaust is choking. I don’t think there’s much in the way of garbage removal. The garbage was everywhere. At the stoplights the beggars plead for money. Others try to sell tissue, gum or what ever. It’s really hard to resist the temptation to give money.

We arrived at this nice mall. It didn’t require haggling over prices. When we got there I put K on my back in the snugly. Rick had T. Rick needed to stop at the bank for money. Mullet offered to take care of T. Rick went into the bank and Mullet took everyone up stairs to the third floor. He tried to get me to come but I didn’t want to just leave Rick alone at the bank. What if he came out and no one was there and started to wonder only to get lost. So there I stood not listening to Mullet’s instructions. After he got everyone situated he came back down and told me to go up stairs. I explained my concern and he said he would wait for Rick. Off K and I went. Only communication with Mullet isn’t the best. He speaks very good English but I didn’t pick up all of what he said. Like where up the stairs I was suppose to go. Instead of Rick wondering around lost I was. Someone noticed my distress and pointed up to the third floor. They took a chance I belonged with the other white Americans.

On the third floor were many wonderful shops. My goal was to buy a Christmas present for the boys for each year until they reached 18. Until I saw this beautiful painting. It’s of people with their umbrella’s at Timkit. The colors are beautiful. When Rick joined me I showed him the picture and he fell in love too. That took a big chunk of the spending money we had brought. We did get other cool stuff too but not enough to make sure the boys have a present from Ethiopia for each Christmas. We’ll just have to go back!

After we were done shopping we went to a coffee shop and a bookstore. We picked up some traditional Ethiopian stories in English. While waiting for the rest of the group to finish T, K and I waited at the front of the store. At one point T called me to get my attention and pointed out the glass door. When I looked I saw a beautiful man standing there. Apparently he had been playing with T. When we left we asked him if we could take his picture. He said yes with a twinkle in his eye. His eyes were the same as our birthfather’s eyes, smiling, warm and friendly. After we took his picture we slipped him some money. This is a bit tricky because others who have already gathered around can become more aggressive. Notice the handmade shoes.

After shopping we went to an Ethiopian museum. It was very informative on their culture and history. T started to get cranky because he wanted his dad to carry him. Dad wanted T to walk because Dad was getting tired. After the museum we went back to Horizon House. There we ate lunch and put the boys down for their naps. Rick and I packed for our return trip home. We knew that once the boys woke we wouldn’t have much time to do any packing.

After the boys woke up we needed to attend the coffee ceremony, eat dinner, say our good-byes and go to the airport 3hours early. The rest in another post.

Fading but not gone...

2007-10-03T06:56:00.000-07:00

We try to keep T & K familiar with their birth country and family. Despite our efforts it is slowly slipping away and it's very sad to witness. We show them pictures from the orphanage and birth family. T used to be able to say the names of the children at the orphanage. He no longer can.

We have pictures of their birth family in their bedroom at eye level. Every night we pray for their birth family, kiss them good night and tell them we love them. Yesterday T and I sat quietly talking about his birth mother. His love for her was obvious.

Weekly I have T look at Ethiopia videos and listen to Ethiopia music. I wasn't sure if any of this is helping until today. We went on YouTube to listen to Ethiopia music. T started to dance in Ethiopian style. This wasn't in the video so he wasn't mimicking anyone. We haven't been exposing him to Ethiopia dance. He just remembered.

Thursday In Ethiopia

2007-09-18T12:11:00.000-07:00

Almost two months later but here we go, Thursday in Ethiopia

In the morning Rick went with a few other people to a market. It was the biggest market in Africa. I had read about it on other people’s blogs and new it was not a place to bring children. The boys and I stayed back at Horizon House. Rick said the number of people was amazing. We needed more diapers (just in case for the plane ride home) so he also stopped at the "super market." He said the super market was about as big as one of our pharmacies. However, there he also purchased some coffee from the region our children were born.

When he returned I went to T’s house to video tape the children praying prior to lunch. It is the cutest thing. One child stands in front of everyone else and leads the prayer line by line. All the children repeat after him. It’s a pretty long prayer and the little guy who did it on this day looked to be four. It was amazing he remembered it.

After prayer the nannies serve all the children their lunch. It seems most meals they received injera. Today was no different. Not sure if I’ve mentioned this before but injera was not my favorite. At one table a little girl held out her hand with some injera saying, "Miss, Miss." She was talking to me and wanted me to eat some of her injera. I thought that was really cute and without thinking went over to eat the injera. Before I knew it all the children at this table had big globs of injera saying, "Miss-Miss." As I looked at all the little hands with injera meant for my consumption I remembered the list of possible diseases the children may have. I saw all the little runny noses attached to the bodies with the injera. Yes I went around and ate the injera. Why? These children are so cute and so want to be loved.

When you enter the compound the children run to you and call you Mommy or Daddy. They attach themselves to your legs. They ask to be picked up. The slightest bit of attention seems to be so needed. How many times have they seen the other parents come to take their friends away? Do they each time hope these strangers are their parent(s)? As I looked around I knew they were someone’s children. If I could give them a few moments of happiness and love I would. It was my prayer when my sons were there that someone loved them. This was my turn to love for someone else.

Mission

2007-09-17T11:49:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago our church held a service where people who had recently been on mission trips shared their experience. They all shared these very moving stories. They either made you laugh or cry. They all had been changed in some way. Most shared how the experience had inspired them to do more. One person talked about starting a lunch program at a school. The students who were fortunate enough to go to school did so without adequate nourishment. It’s very hard to learn when you’re hungry. I’ve been to these types of meetings before. When Rick and I went to Ethiopia we expected to see poverty beyond our wildest dreams. I went with the expectation God would place on my heart a mission related to Ethiopia.

Throughout our trip I kept looking around every corner for what God was going to call me to do. We saw a lot of different needs but none I felt God was placing in my heart. When we came home I figured I was wrong, God wasn’t going to give me a mission in Ethiopia.

The first four weeks home were difficult. They were very difficult. My children grieved the loss of their birth family and their place of birth. This was expressed by pushing me away, literally. I was the one home with them all day. There were nightmares and temper tantrums. I’ve been pinched and choked. There has be blatant disobedience to my direction. Complete avoidance to eye contact with mommy. When Dad would come home he was the fun one.

This all was a breeding ground for a "perfect storm." Most new parents are a bit unsure of themselves and I am no different. So as my son pushed me away and turned to Daddy I thought, "I suck at this." My husband and I were starting to fight. I wasn’t bonded to these two beautiful little boys. That took me by surprise. I had been warned that was a natural response for some but I thought, "O’ that won’t happen to me." I was snapping at the children and my husband. It was like God was shinning a flashlight onto my heart and I did not like what I saw.

An example, T needed "lots" of coaxing to eat his meals. One day I left the room to get something. When I came back T said with great excitement said, "Look Mommy I finished." My first thought was no he didn’t. He must have hidden the food. I looked around. As I did T’s excitement slowly left his face. He became confused as to why Mommy wasn’t happy. Wasn’t this what I wanted? Then slowly I began to realize he did eat his meal. I was wrong and had missed an opportunity to celebrate with my son. I realized I needed an attitude adjustment.

Later when I was alone I realized I was totally screwing this up. Prior to receiving the referral I had prepared mentally. Reading up on all sorts of adoption related issues. I had prepared physically. I had lost weight and started working out. However, I had not prepared to be spiritually ready to become a parent. I ended up crying out to God for forgiveness and asked for help. Then I thought about their birth mother. Would I not want to look her straight in the eye years from now knowing I had tried my best? None of our children are ours. God has given us all our children for a short time. I just have a face to look at, to think of when I hold myself accountable. I remember her saying her greatest hope for the boys’ future was for them to always be in communication with God through prayer. Then I realized God did give me a mission in Ethiopia.

Two days later I received in the mail some books discussing Christian parenting. The sender was apologetic for the timing. I giggled and knew it was Gods perfect timing.

Where are we today? No tantrums, no pinching, no pushing away and the obedience to direction is doing much better. They are not avoiding eye contact. I'm the one they want to share their joys and sorrows with. My sons and I are well bonded. I am very pleased with where we are in this journey. With an adjusted attitude I am preparing myself spiritually for the mission I received in Ethiopia. Better late than never.

Play Time

2007-09-03T12:03:00.001-07:00

A couple of weeks ago someone sent us these dolls. We have no idea who. Please let us know who sent them so we can thank you. The boys love to play with the dolls. One day when my Mother was over T was playing with the dolls. By the end of the visit T had named them M and Papa. By coincidence this is what they call my mother (M) and father (Papa). I can tell you M and Papa are very well taken care of. T changes their diapers, feeds them and puts them down for naps.

Around the third week home T started to play make believe on his own. After a bit I realized he was mimicking Rick and I. At first I was apprehensive to see how I was doing. After watching T I gained more confidence in my parenting ability. In T's play world he cooks, plays with the dog, changes diapers, goes down for naps, eats, drinks coffee, goes for drives, prays and takes walks. Yup this pretty much covers what I've been doing since being out of work. O ya, my new best friend is Sesame Street. This is the only TV they watch. From 10am to 11 am they watch Sesame Street, eat snacks and I get stuff done.

Week four brought the boys showing jealousy over me. At first this delighted me. I had two sons jocking to have my attention. This was short lived because it is difficult to please them both at the same time. They also starting to fight with each other. I knew T was feeling comfortable at home when he got out of bed during nap time to play.

We have introduced the boys to one of our favorite pass times, hiking. K gets strapped on to my back with a snugly. T walks with his Dad or rides on Dads shoulders. Brady runs and has a blast. On Saturday we went. T tripped over a rock, fell down, went boom, and Mom told the rock it was naughty for tripping T. That delighted T. Later we saw two horses. These frightened the boys. We told them horses were good. For the next two days, over and over we heard T say, "T went boom." "Rock naughty" "Horses are good." Did I mention this was said over and over again?

Pictures of T

2007-09-03T11:56:00.000-07:00

K Eating

2007-09-03T11:53:00.000-07:00

Wednesday in Ethiopia

2007-08-27T10:53:00.000-07:00

Wednesday morning was the first morning we woke up together as a family. Everyone woke up in a good mood and smiling. This day we mostly hung out together. Mid-morning we went to T's house to take pictures. He completely lost it when we arrived. The nannies explained he wasn't going to stay but nothing would claim him down. We took pictures and left pretty quickly.

This is a picture of the entrance to T's orphanage. The yellow door is the entrance. While we were there members of our group witnessed mothers trying to leave their children at the orphanage on two separate occasions.

This is the entrance to T's house.

All the laundry was done by hand. While we had K he would need to change clothes about 5 times a day. Times that by all the children=lots of laundry. It was the rainy season when we were there.It rained everyday. Every time it rained I felt so bad for who ever was in charge of the laundry. How could you get it to dry?

The other picture is of T's bed. Most children shared their bed with other child. As you can see T isn't to happy to be back. The other picture is of the children in T's house eating.

Here is the alley way leading to K's house and where we stayed at Horizon House. Below is the entrance.

Pictures

2007-08-25T11:53:00.001-07:00

Tuesday Day 5 in Ethiopia

2007-08-23T12:19:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday I woke up feeling very nauseous and tired. At first I thought I was getting some terrible travelers disease but the symptoms seemed to pass mid morning. I now think it was a side effect from the anti-malaria medication I was taking. (I loved the medication because while in Ethiopia I lost 7 pounds.) I asked Rick to bring the boys up to the room because I wasn’t sure I could leave. By the time he brought them up I was feeling much better.

This was the first day K opened up to us. Prior to Tuesday he wouldn’t make any eye contact, sat like a lump when we put him down and didn’t make any sounds. After about three hours he started talking, smiling at us, making eye contact but still not moving too much. At lunchtime we dropped them back off to their rooms because we were going shopping that afternoon. Where we were going wasn’t a good place to bring children.

First we dropped of K. He smiled and went to the nanny without any sign of duress. Then we went to drop off T. Solomon the security guard went with us. When we gave T to the nanny he threw a temper tantrum. (Little did we know we’d become very familiar with his temper tantrums. That’s for another blog entry.) We left and I cried the whole way back. Solomon was very caring. Without being able to speak to each other I knew he cared and was concerned that I was crying.

We went shopping after lunch. Someone very important must have been close to where we were shopping because on the two sides of where we shopped were two "undercover" security men. Parked was a Mercedes. The two men were huge, well dressed and just stood look up and down the street. They fit in as well as we did.

As soon as you step out of the car-actually before you even get out of the car-you’re surrounded by beggars and people who want to sell you stuff. There were a couple of people with sticks that would patrol the area to shoe away the people. Honestly a lot of the beggars acted like scam artists or actors. There were people you could truly see they needed help but at this market most would beg with a twinkle in their eye like they were just seeing if they could get you to give them money. It was recommended not to give people money on the streets. At times it is really hard not to.

When we returned we gave Horizon House the donation we had brought to the orphanage. Thanks to our church, New Hope Chapel, we were able to donate 70 lb. of much needed items. Everyone was so thankful and appreciative for the donation.

Then we went to get the boys. Rick went to get T and he ran into his arms. I went to get K, hoping for the same reception. K looked through me not at me. He came to me but I was back at square one with him. He gave no eye contact, no smile and didn’t say one thing to me. I was getting the cold shoulder from a 12-month-old. How did that feel? It sucked!

Between T’s meltdown when we dropped him off and K giving me the cold shoulder we decided to take the boys. Meaning having them be with us from that point on. Unfortunately, we had been scheduled to visit the Blue Nile on Wednesday. As much as we wanted to go, we were in Ethiopia for our boys not sight seeing.

That night they ate dinner with us and then we took them to our room to go to bed. This was the first time we saw T without clothes. As I undressed him to get his PJ’s on he was crying and very upset. It was amazing to see how thin he is. Once PJ’s on he calmed down until we put them to bed. They gave blood-curtailing cries for about 20 minutes. I was sure one of the nanny’s was going to bust open the door to see what we were doing to the boys to make them make such a horrible cry. The whole time we were there I never saw a nanny just let a child cry without trying to make the stop. Neither did I see any child receive any reprimand for any misbehavior.

Yes I am new at parenting but I knew 20 minutes of crying at bed time wasn’t a bad deal. It’s a no brainier this had nothing to do with me so I thanked God for our good fortune.

Here's a link to a YouTube post created by someone in our group from her trip to Awassa. We took the same trip but she's more talented because she could create this post. Click here to enjoy.

Day 4 in Ethiopia

2007-08-20T13:34:00.000-07:00

After our first night sleeping in a room with mosquito netting we were off back to Addis. I forgot to mention a couple other things about the day we met our birth family. Ethiopia is known because the Christians and Muslims are about 40% and 40% of the population. They live side by side in peace. While driving we saw it first hand too. On the top of their thatch huts they’d "advertise" their religion with adoration to their faith. As we were leaving our birth mothers house we could hear someone speaking from a loud speaker. We thought it was a Muslim mosque. I asked the uncle and he said no they were preaching the gospel. I asked if it was a Sunday service and yes it was. I asked if it was on speaker because people couldn’t travel and he said no. The church wasn’t big enough to hold everyone who attended. It was nice imagining my children in their backyard playing and hearing the gospel.

The other thing I left out was our children’ father was Muslim. He converted just prior to marriage. His whole family was Muslim when growing up. The uncle who was with us said he was Muslim too but now a Christian. I asked how he converted. He must have interpreted my question as why. His answer, "Because Jesus is the truth." All four of us said Amen.

On our drive back we saw a few people selling things. One guy had a python skin and a Cheetah skin. Many others were selling "coal" to burn in your house. We saw many boys hurding cattle. Some seemed to be as young as 7 years old. At one point there was a roadblock to check vehicles. We stopped to get breakfast. When I went to use the lady’s room there was no TP. I was so mad at myself because I knew better. The breakfast was nothing to write home about but again the coffee was great. How could it not be? They grew it, roast it, grind it and brew it right there. One can not get fresher coffee than that.

When we got back into Addis the traffic was terrible. You need a special license to drive in Ethiopia. The horn is used a lot. We were late arriving to Horizon House.

All the families in our group were they’re waiting for us. See this was the day we all went for our children VISA appointment. We had some paper work to do together prior. We were supposed to have brought a copy of our income tax return and we didn’t. It was a bit tense because no one knew how that would effect us. Rick filled out the paperwork and I ate very quickly. Then they brought us our boys. It was Monday and we hadn’t seen them since Saturday, which also was the first time, we met them. Taking them to the US Embassy made us a bit nervous. Just when they brought them to us I noticed K needed his diaper changed.

As a side note, K needed his diaper changed often. We nicknamed him "Squirt" because when he went it squirted out everywhere, on his clothes and on you. He has two parasites: Campy and Giardia that caused the diarrhea. Happy to say all better now. Now we call him Hoover because he eats everything.

This was the first time I changed his diaper and the driver was standing right over me. We were late and he was frustrated. So was I. K was in a cloth diaper with a plastic bag tied around him. I felt like a surgeon performing an operation. "Bag I need a bag to put this in." I said in my not so happy tone of voice.

Diaper changed off we all went and piled into the van. We went through US Embassy security. We all sat in this room watching something like CNN on TV. One by one they called us. The boys were fantastic. No problems and no crying. They called us. Rick, the boys and I went up the seemingly very long flight of stairs (I carried K who weights 22 lb. but feels like 50). We stood in the correct line and hoped no one would notice we didn’t have all of the necessary paper work. The employee asked us a couple of questions and then said, "Congratulations on your adoption." That was the point I thought I was going to loose it. Here we were holding our boys, in Ethiopia and someone verified they really are ours. Some how I barely contained myself and back down the stairs we went. As we entered the room I told everyone (about 50 people-obviously not all from our group) we passed. Everyone cheered. Then we cheered every time someone from our group came down.

Later that night we all went out to dinner at an Ethiopian restaurant. They have dancers who do the different dances from the different regions in Ethiopia. It was a nice dinner. At some point I ate cow intestine. That will teach me not to ask what I’m eating prior to putting in my mouth.

Day 3 in Ethiopia

2007-08-18T13:11:00.000-07:00

I’ve already posted on this visit so I’ll try not to repeat myself.

On Sunday, July 29, 2007, we left for our birth family visit at 6:30am. Luckily for us we had packed the day before. It was an overnight trip and when we woke up there was no power. So happy I brought a flashlight. As we walked out of our room someone had placed candles to light our way through the halls and stairs of the guesthouse. Down stairs were a few others who couldn’t sleep and our travel companions.

Our travel companions were the only other family in our group who adopted siblings. They have two 10-month-old twins, a boy and girl. Their children were brought to the orphanage the same day as our boys and from the same village. Their region is called Kambata and its in Southern Ethiopia.

It seemed to take us an hour to leave the city to the more rural part. On the way the whole capital was without power. It seemed so quiet. We saw families walking in the road wearing white shawls. We were told they were most likely going to church. It was softly raining. How I wanted to go to church service while there but it wasn’t meant to be.

As we drove out to the more rural parts we saw cactus grown has hedges. Many thatch "houses." Agriculture seemed to how people generated money. It appeared families were self-supported by the land. At one point we saw a chalkboard attached to a tree with about 30 children learning the English alphabet. We were behind a truck full of camels. We thought that was the funniest thing. When we asked our driver where they might be going he told us to slaughter because the Somalians ate them. Our social worker told us she saw about 100 of them out wild. That must have been a wild sight. We saw lots of people carrying plastic jugs for water. We saw many people relieving themselves right on the street. Many men walk with their arms around other men. One sight that is forever etched into my mind is one water area where I saw one person washing clothes, another relieving themselves and yet another filling up a water jug. We had entered the part of Ethiopia where people have to walk miles to get dirty water that will make them sick.

It took us 4 hours to drive to Awasa the closest "city" to where our birth parents live. That was where we picked up the three others who were apart of our group. It took us another 1-2 hour drive to reach our birthmother’s home. Awasa was where we slept that night after our birthmother visit. It also had a lake behind it that had hippos. We didn’t see any.

Our birthmother grew her own coffee, bananas, ensete, and avocados. The ensect is something that takes like a month to make but then can remain eatable for 3 years. It helps sustain them at times of famine. Her husband had built the house prior to his passing. Before they all lived in the thatch house he grew up in. The new house was a mansion compared to what we saw. Our birthmother decorated the house with flowers on the walls and entranceway, tablecloths and hay on the ground.
Well we think the hay on the ground was decoration. We didn’t see it on the other homes we passed. When we asked our driver if the hay was to decorate the house he misunderstood me and said, "No the floor is made of cow shit." Call it jet lag or poor manners but this struck me funny. I tried to repeat my question but his answer remained the same. He then went into detail of how they make the floor out of cow shit. We were all kind of amused by his answer. I repeated what he said, "So what you’re saying is the floor is made out of cow shit!" When he heard me say "cow shit" he and I started to laugh and continued to laugh for a long time (it was a bonding moment).
During the birthfamily visit I kept trying to soak it all in, memory storage. I remember looking at the birthmother’s father and seeing his eyes as so soft and warm. When I looked at our driver, Joseph, he appeared to really be enjoying himself. Everyone was happy and made us feel so welcome. It was one of the best days of my life. I was so thankful to have been able to have such a wonderful experience.
Our sons birthmother was outgoing, regal, friendly, a great communicator and strong. She was adamant the boys are raised Christian and is in constant communication with God through prayer. She had asked when we would bring the boys to see her. I told her it was my dream for all of us to return when turned 18. She thought that was so long. I thought from your lips to Gods ears maybe it will be sooner.
At the end of the meeting she offered us to stay to eat. This of course made us all nervous. We said a little prayer asking God to protect us and he did. The food was very good. It seemed extraordinary that she pulled out her most valuable resources to offer us, food. This was the one thing she couldn’t provide sufficiently for her sons. This was one of the reasons she made the adoption plan but she opened both hands to share with us so freely. Being in her presence humbled me. Our meeting was long but we didn’t want to say good bye. She filled Rick’s backpack with banana’s and avocados. When we returned to the orphanage we learned T loves bananas and avocados and ate most of what she gave us.

Our trip to Ethiopia

2007-08-16T14:32:00.000-07:00

It has taken me a while but here's our first two days of traveling. God willing I'll journal each day and post on the blog. Here's day 1 and 2.

We left on 7/27/07. We flew out of Providence, RI. Our flight was scheduled for 6:30 am so we arrived at 5:00am. I had a dream we forgot the stroller. Guess what, we forgot the stroller on the shuttle bus but got it back. We arrived at Dulles airport around 7:30 am and left on Ethiopian Air at 9:45 am. At Dulles we met, N, who was also adopting a 3-year-old boy from our agency. She was traveling alone and it was good we could help each other out. (We knew we were traveling together from the yahoo on-line group) The flights were very smooth with no problems other than my TV didn’t work.

On 7/28/07 we arrived in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia at 8:15 am. (Ethiopia’s time is about 7 hours ahead of us) Our total airtime was 17 hours. Once in Addis we had to go through customs. Rick and I were on the last bus to bring us to the airport from where the plane landed because we were helping some elderly Ethiopians get off the plane. This put us way in back of the line for customs. Consequently, it took us 1 & ½ hours to get through the customs line (we already had our visa). As we waited in line we could see our luggage on the belt. By the time we made it through customs the belt stopped running and our luggage was no where in sight. Rick, N and I were checking everywhere to find our luggage. Anyone we asked for help said they didn’t speak English. I was very tired and a bit cranky. My solution, in the middle of the airport, I yelled out three times, "I need help!" Someone came running over to shut me up. I explained our situation and she helped us find our luggage. Then we went through the luggage scanners again and out to the front of the airport. We saw, Mullet, our driver and met two other families that were on the same flight who were also with our agency. Off we went with to the van. No one offered to help until we got to the van. Then people were just grabbing our luggage and helping to put it on top of the van. We had been told people would do this and would expect a tip. While in the airport we exchanged $100 for birr (Ethiopian money). We gave them about a $10 tip.

Off we drove through the capital, Addis Ababa, to our orphanage. In the city we saw goats, cows, and chickens everywhere, even the streets. Lots and lots of people on the streets too. We’re told in Addis there are 2 million people. Some things that struck me were so many people without shoes or other pieces of clothing. So many people seemingly doing nothing or having nothing to do. Beggars running and following our van asking for money. Children around 10 years old were trying to sell us gum or tissue. Young mothers were begging us for food to feed their babies. People sleeping, literally, in the streets. Exhaust from cars making us gag. Finally, scaffolding made from sticks.

At about 11:00 am we arrived at our orphanage, Horizon House. We drove down an ally way and came to a gate. The driver beeped his horn and the gate with barbed wire opened. There we were in a courtyard. To the right was the Horizon House or guesthouse. This was where we stayed. To the left was the guard station was. Right in front of us was about 5-9’ x 9’ rooms for the infants.
We all unloaded our luggage and ourselves. First we were all shown our rooms. Then we went down to the courtyard to meet K first. As we arrived we saw other parents already had their children. It was surreal to see people like us meeting their children for the first time. The nanny brought us to K’s room. It had about 8 or 10 children, two to a crib, aged 6 to 12 months. At the door the nanny said K is in there. There was no light and it took my eyes a minute to adjust. I looked around at the cribs and the infants in the cribs. My secret concern was I wouldn’t be able to pick K out. Then I saw him and went over to pick him up. He stared at us and didn’t smile. I was so happy to be holding K finally. He was cuter than the picture. K has a hernia on his belly button and I was concerned because I didn’t know they were harmless. We stayed with K for about 15 minutes and went to meet T.

A guard walked us to where T was staying. It was in a different location but only a 5-minute walk. There is a tall wall with a gate and barbed wire. Our guard knocked on the gate. Soon the gate opened by another guard and the two men spoke. We heard the other guard say something to others behind the gate. All we could make out was T’s name. Then he opened the gate. At first we saw about 20 children. Then it was like the Red Sea. The children parted and the open path led us to T. He stood there looking shy and not really knowing what to do. I thought, "T I don’t really know what to do either." We knelt down to his eye level and began speaking to him. Then I took out an animal cracker for him. As I did I realized there were the other 20 children and 5 nanny’s watching. I heard my mother in my ear, "If you don’t have enough to share with everyone don’t eat it in front of others." Ooops this was one of the first mistakes I’ll make as a parent. I picked T up and carried him over to a ball. I sat on the ground and we rolled the ball between Rick and T who was in my lap. We stayed with T for about 15 minutes and went back to Horizon House for lunch. Then we took a two-hour nap. We went and got K. Rick stayed with K while I went to get T to bring him back to Horizon House to be with K and us. When T saw me he came running into my arms. He looked so proud as I carried him away from the others.

When T and K first saw each other there were no tears or any emotion. T would not go to Rick or anyone that first day. The four of us sat in a corner and played with toys. I had a stuffed animal for each boy. We had already given K his. When I gave T his stuffed animal his eyes lit up as if I had given him the most precious gift. He played with it for a minute and then gave it to K. Then he started to hug and kiss K. At around 5:30pm we brought them back to their rooms for the night. Rick and I had dinner and went to bed.

2007-08-15T11:18:00.000-07:00

Getting time to write on the blog isn’t as easy as it used to be. Go figure. We’ve settled into a nice routine. We wake up around 6 or 7am. Eat and sing bible songs at breakfast. While I clean up from breakfast the boys play. Then we all get dressed and brush our teeth. We go for a walk. Then more play time. Eat lunch around 11:30am. More play time. Nap time is 1:00-3:00pm. After nap time is more play time. Dinner at 5:30pm. Play time again until 7pm. Then we pray together as a family and read until 7:30pm. (Don’t tell my pastor but reading scriptures puts the boys to sleep.) Most nights by 8:00 pm all boys under 3 years old are asleep in the Wheeler home.

So far it’s not too different from working. At work I found myself saying the same thing over again and again. "Did you document the incident?" "No we can’t terminate without discussing the performance issue first with the employee." "Did you speak to your supervisor about your concerns first before coming to me?"

Now that I'm a parent I find myself saying the same thing over and over again too. Now it’s "T let your brother play with that toy too." "K, don’t put that in your mouth." "T did you get a boo boo? I’m sorry you got hurt." "Do you have to do bubbles?"

Here's our first picture as a family. It was taken the first day we met the boys in Ethiopia. Yes, as you can see I hogged the boys by not letting Rick hold them.

Good to be home

2007-08-07T11:48:00.000-07:00

It is so good to be home. Thank you to Sandy, my sister in law, for posting the blogs while we were away. Even if she did insert her own comment about my thinking Ethiopia coffee is the best. For those of you who don't know I work for a company that sells coffee and am always trying to get everyone to drink it. Consequently, she found it funny for me to mention Ethiopian coffee was the best I've ever tasted.

It turned out to be a good idea to have her post the blogs because I couldn't get the blog to come up while in Ethiopia.

We're all adjusting well and getting to know one another. I'll post more about the trip later but just wanted to say thanks for your prayers.

Here are the boys by the pool at home. They love the pool.

Our first full day/night together

2007-08-01T09:42:00.000-07:00

Today is Wednesday. Update on the boys. T has not had one accident with us. We've worked out a system for him to let us know when he needs to use the washroom. Actually this is his system and we picked up pretty fast. For #1 he grabs his penis. If he grabbed his bum and scrunched up his face this means #2. T now LOVES his daddy. He is very talkative and sings to himself. He eats bananas, avocados, pizza, pasta, squash, mango and chocolate cake. K also likes bananas and mango but not avocados. Cheerios are a big hit with both. T is regularly calling me mommy and Rick daddy. He has had several meltdowns when he doesn't get his way but they're short, same for K.

On Monday, after we left our birth families visit we went to the other couples. I think I mentioned they were from the same village. This visit was much the same as ours. At the end we ate again. They served us coffee from their backyard. Its sooooo good. They serve it black with sugar.

When we left we went to stay at what we were told was a nice hotel. People define nice differently. We ate at the hotel restaurant and that was a good meal.

On Sunday, we fed K for the first time in his nursery. His room has about 8 children in about 5 cribs. All the children' ages range from 6-12 months. The nanny places all the children on the floor in a circle. They eat many different things besides bottles. Usually injera. Injera is the food of Ethiopia. They eat it three meals a day and I hope I don't eat it again soon. It's like a fermented pancake. They serve it with different stew like foods. The nanny tears a piece of injera, mush's it with her fingers, and adds the stew. Then with her hands she feeds the babies. It looks like a mother bird feeding their baby birds. Rick and I tried some of K's food and found our 1 year old son has a higher tolorance for spicy food than we do.

In T's house, all the children sit at round tables. First they all say a prayer of thanks for their food. Then the nannies give each child a plate of injera with stew. Most children could feed themselves. After they eat, all the children are lined up on potty's outside. What amazed Rick and I was when they were at the tables and on the potty's no one tried to get up. It was their routine and they went with the flow. After potty time they take naps.

On Tuesday, we had both T and K for the morning. It took a while before I could get K to interact with me or look me in the eyes. Then we brought them back to their houses so we could go out shopping. K went fine but T had a wild meltdown. It broke our hearts. After shopping we went to get the boys again. K was angry with me and he showed it. I had to start from square one with him to gain his trust. On Wednesday, we were supposed to go to the Blue Nile falls but we decided not to. We had the boys sleep in our room last night for the first time and stayed with them all day. It has been fantastic.

Meeting T & K's birth family.

2007-07-30T18:14:00.000-07:00

Update on boys. Rick went in to get T today and today he only wanted daddy. When we got K alone he told me stories.

The following is about our birth family visit from yesterday.

Yesterday we met T & K's birth family. The day started at 6am. We traveled with another couple who adopted twins and their children were from the same village. The trip was about a 6 hour drive into the country. It was absolutely beautiful.

All the pictures we've seen on National Geographic were before our eyes. After about 3 hours driving we got a flat tire. As we changed it everyone came out to look at us. Then with one hour left of the journey we stopped at a hotel. Just before the driver told us he was going to leave us there, while he went to get the tire fixed, we had read in a tourist book it was the armpit of Ethiopia and not very friendly to westerners. While we waited we had coffee. The best coffee I've ever had.

Three men came up and introduced themselves as part of our group. One was the social worker for the area, one the sponsorship coordinator and the last was our sons' uncle. How amazing to be able to sit and speak to their uncle. He is the brother of their father. His English was pretty good. He looks like K.

It was an emotional day and I just wanted to get all the information my sons will ask later. I kept staring at the uncle trying to memorize everything. The driver came back and we all piled into the car. We drove for about another 1 ½. The uncle told us the other couple and our sons are related. We didn't get the complete picture of how because although their English was good it wasn't great. So we decided to call them cousins.

The uncle was giving the directions as we drove into a more rural part. Then we stopped and we had to walk the rest of the way. We walked through corn fields mostly. Finally we came to a small clearing with about 4 "houses." Outside we learned it was our birth family. The other couple took pictures and video of our visit. We met the birthmother, all the siblings, grandmother, grandfather, aunt and probably others. There were about 15-20 people at the visit. First everyone was introduced.

When we met the birthmother she and I hugged. It was a long strong I don't want to let you go kind of hug. With arms still holding each other we locked eyes and smiled. After the introductions the social worker read my letter in one language and the uncle translated it for the birth family. She gave no reaction until the second to the last sentence. I didn't know if we were breaking social norms in the content or what. We had listed about four qualities we wanted to teach our boys. The last one was to be Christ centered. She started to quietly cry and shared why. The social worker told us she had been praying a Christian couple would adopt her sons and that was what mattered most to her.

Then we asked questions. One was to describe the day the boys were born. She started to cry/laugh. It appears the day we met was K's birthday in Ethiopia. Sunday was July 12, 1999 and K turned one. She had a sign on the wall inviting the whole village over to celebrate his birthday. Is that not amazing?

Then we shared pictures and took pictures. She made us a wonderful meal. Home made bread, home made cheese, ensect (sp?), avocado's and banana's.

There's more to the visit but I'm going to sign off here. I don't want to press my luck. The power has been going on and off since we got here.

We made it.

2007-07-28T18:10:00.000-07:00

Hello all,

We made it.

Yes very long trip. Meeting T & K was nothing like I expected. I didn't bubbler like a fool and they both are Mommy's boys. T would not let go of me and didn't want to leave me, even for dad. K is very quiet. T when we get him alone talks a lot. True to his character when we gave him a stuffed animal he gave it to K.

That's all for a few days. We are very tired and have a long next few days.

From Nanny To Mom

2007-07-26T03:05:00.000-07:00

Most parents’ envision what the first meeting between child and parent's will be like. Whether it’s a birth or an adoption. With a birth there will be lots of pain and tears of joy. I think most people when they think about the first time adopted parents meet their child(ren) there’s just joy. I was one for sure.

Last summer I read a great book about a China adoption. Unfortunately I can’t remember the name. There was one part in the book just before they were going to meet their daughter and the social workers had told them not to cry when they first meet her. The view was it would upset the child. I thought, "That’s crazy how can they not cry after all that waiting and anticipation?" I was looking at it from my point of view. We’ve been working the adoption process for four years now. Had lots of highs and lots of lows. I’ve desired to have children for over 12 years. Many emotions have been shoved deep down so I could just continue to move forward. We’ve loved our children before we had a name, gender, age or any other piece of information. For two months now we’ve known who our children are and we can’t wait to be their mom and dad. We have been preparing for this day and the days that will follow.

Now that it’s our turn to meet our children my thoughts are much different than a year ago reading that book. Now I think about my two boys. For them there was nothing wrong with their birth mom or their village. In the past two months they’ve been taken from their home, their birth family and placed in some strange place. The two boys have been separated from each other and their ability to communicate. Their nannies don’t even speak the same language as they do.

My mother taught me about selfish love and unselfish love. Selfish love is just like it sounds. You do things out of love that benefit you. Unselfish love is when you do things denying your needs and putting the needs of another before yours. She said when you become a parent you need to demonstrate unselfish love. I pray that when we meet T & K we demonstrate unselfish love.

When we meet T & K we’ll be nobody’s. We’ll know they are our sons, forever. Our love will be there. Our commitment is there. However, we’ll need to contain our emotions and meet them where they are. This is a journey we’ll walk together. The first step of the journey together will begin that day.

My father in heaven loves me more than I love my sons. He knew one day he and I would be united. It took a long time for me to trust him and get to accept him. Then one day I called him Father and Lord. He didn’t flood me with all his love at first. He met me where I was and slowly reveals his love for me each day. As we continue to walk together our relationship deepens.

With our sons, at first we’ll be strangers. Then they’ll see us as caretakers or nannies. One glorious day we’ll be their Mom & Dad.

"We love him, because he first loved us."

1 John 4:19

Countdown

2007-07-25T02:49:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was our last weekend without children. What did we do? Slept in! We'll be leaving this Friday arriving Sat. morning. Saturday we'll meet T & K for the first time. Then Sunday morning, 6am, we'll leave for about a 6 hour drive to meet the birth family. Stay overnight and travel back Monday to meet the rest of our group for lunch. Then off to the Embassy with T & K to get their visas. Later that night we all go out as a group to dinner and to see Ethiopian dancing. I'm tired just thinking about it. PLEEEEASE pray for us. We'll be so tired by Monday. However, I am thankful we get to meet their birth family.

Here's a post Aussieopian Family highlighted. It talks about the do's and don'ts for family and friends when adopting. It says it all, please read.
P.S. In four day's we'll be with T & K. GRIN

Meet Quincy

2007-07-22T15:07:00.000-07:00

Back in June a co-worker and I were in a Disney store shopping (it was at night. We were traveling). She found this boy doll and his name is Quincy. Well as you know I’ve mentioned it’s hard to find ethnic diversity in toys so I bought Quincy.

I brought Quincy home and showed him to anyone who would slow down long enough to look. Then I started taking pictures of Quincy on T & K’s things. Like Quincy sleeping in T’s bed. Or Quincy sitting in K’s highchair. I was having a great time. Rick was getting worried his wife had really lost it. Then in a moment of clarity I decided to take pictures of Quincy in, on or around anything that the boys will see when they are brought home. When we’re in Ethopia we’ll show them the pictures. Hopefully, they’ll be familiar with their new home and see Quincy as their new friend.

We have pictures of Quincy in the following poses:

Sitting on our front steps
Sitting in a chair by the pool
Sitting on the steps in front of the pool
In K’s highchair
In K’s crib
In T’s bed
On the chair that’s in their room
On the changing table
On the coach in the living room
On the coach in the family room
In the car sit in the van
In the stroller
Last but not least; Quincy with their big brother Brady
Here’s my favorite pictures of Quincy.

Attack of the Nipples

2007-07-19T17:54:00.001-07:00

A few days ago I went to a department store to buy bottles. In the baby section I found a whole aisle dedicated to bottles and nipples. At first glance I was a bit intimidated by the large variety. However, I figured I’m a reasonably intelligent person. I’ll be able to figure it out. So I started to read the packaging.

There were nipples with slow flow, medium flow, or fast flow. There were nipples that were for suckle or to suck (I don’t even know what that means). You could have a nipple made out of silicone. Is that good? There were wide neck or narrow neck. Some even highlighted an Y-cut nipple. Apparently, this is something you would want to highlight. You could get a nipple with two holes or three. I stood dazed and confused. I could feel the stress rising. I imagined arriving at the orphanage with the wrong nipple. All the other parents laughing at my error. The nanny’s scowl as they took K away from me. Obviously I couldn't be a good parent. I can’t even pick out the correct nipple.

Then I thought I know I’ll call a co-worker who has a young child. She’ll be able to coach me. Then I thought through that scenario a bit more. I’m in Human Resources and I wanted to call a coworker to ask what kind of nipple they liked. How would that look to a bystander. Off I went into another daydream. I’m with my supervisor, Mr. H. The conversation is:
Mr. H.: "Kateri a complaint has been filed against you for discrimination. Did you discriminate by only asking female employees about nipples?"
Me:"No-no Mr. H don’t be silly. I ask all my coworkers about their nipples. Regardless if they’re male or female."

No, I decided not to call my co-worker.

At this point a friendly employee of the department store came over and asked if she could help me. I really must have looked out of sorts. How often does that happen? Anyway I told her I was trying to figure out which nipple and bottle to get for my son. Here’s a snapshot of that conversation.

Sales Associate: "How old is your son?"
Me: "Just turned 12 months."
Sales Associate: "When did he stop breast feeding?"
Me: "I don’t know."
Sales Associate: "Does he have any teeth?"
Me: "Four that I can see but I’m not sure how many total."
Sales Associate: "Does he have cereal in his formula."
Me: "I don’t know."
Her voice starts to become a bit strained.
Sales Associate: "Is he eating any solid food?"
Me: "I don’t know."
May I point out the strangeness of this conversation is still lost to me because I’m obsessing about those darn nipples.
Sales Associate says, looking a bit confused and worried, "You don’t know if your son is eating solid food?"
Well hit me over the head with a shovel, I got it. At this point it sinks in how bizarre this conversation must sound to this girl. She’s probably one step away from calling security. I explained my situation and we laughed. She then walked away.

There I was left in the same situation and no better off. Other than my picture may be posted in that stores back room. So I did what I think any reasonable person would do. I bought one of each. At the orphanage, if any parent say’s anything to me about it. I’ll simple reply with, "You didn’t buy a variety" with a crinkled nose. If the nanny’s say anything, I’ll reply, "All the more nipples to donate to the orphanage."

Who knew nipples would be so stressful?!

Happy Birthday K

2007-07-12T16:14:00.000-07:00

Today is K's birthday. As I was driving home I started to think about how we were going to miss another first for our son. I tried to imagine what his day was like. Did anyone one remember today was his birthday? Did anyone give him some special time on this his special day? Do they even celebrate birthdays in Ethiopia? They'll be no cake. No silly hat. No family standing around with camera's snapping away taking pictures.

As I started to slide into the poor poor pitiful me's I recognized a note of bitterness blanket my spirit. Rick and I will mourn and do mourn so many things regarding our children. I wish I was with K today. I wish I saw so many of the firsts that have already passed us by. I began to pray to be released from the bitterness. As I sat to write on the blog I realized all of this loss is a gift. All of the things we missed and mourn have given us a bit of empathy for what our boys will experience. At some point they will miss their birth family, their birth country and all the what could have beens. Their feelings and experiences won't be completely foreign to their parents.

So tonight as Rick and I place a candle on a cake I'll make a wish for K. This wish will be a prayer. The prayer will be

St. Theresa's Prayer
May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

2007-07-09T20:04:00.000-07:00

I'm a daughter,

Sister,

Wife,

Aunt,

Granddaughter,

Friend,

Co-worker,

And now a MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We have our travel date. We leave for Ethiopia to meet T and K on July 27th. The good news came today.

I can now proudly introduce our sons.

Are they not precious?

Its hard to get what you don't get!

2007-07-01T06:27:00.000-07:00

Some very dear friends of mine have adopted 4 girls. They have 3 biological children. The mother has a real talent for writing. Its exciting to see her gift be used. It can also be heart wrenching and eye opening. I have admired her for many years and now admire her naked strength in sharing the good, bad, and ugly of adoption.

She recently wrote, "A tale of two churches" I think every pastor needs to read this.
Here's the link.

I hope you enjoy her postings as much as I do.

What to do with Brady?

2007-06-30T05:37:00.000-07:00

While we’re in Ethiopia my parents have offered to take care of Brady. I would be remiss if I didn’t share some of his "qualities". It’s important they know what they’re getting themselves into. Here’s my best attempt to describe our yellow lab, Marley—I mean Brady.

Here are some things Brady loves.

Mud puddles, he’ll lay right down in them. My parents have a cow pond that when dogs go in they come out black and very smelly. It seems to me that Brady will find that quickly.
Water
Twig, he prances when he has one in his mouth.
Loves to lay right under you feet when you’re in the kitchen working.
Loves to get in the shower with you. Be warned dad- he’ll try to catch in his mouth what ever is dangling. Dad, if you need further clarification talk with Rick.
He also loves to eat the soap in the shower.
Brady loves to play with the water in his water dish.
He loves to eat panties and socks.
Brady has a toe fetish. We wear socks a lot to avoid his licking and nibbling of our toes.
He loves to cuddle if you’re okay with him lying on your upper body onto your head. Where he’ll lick and nibble your ears and nose.

Here are some things I should warn you about.

Never leave any remote controls, cellular phones or car keys where he can get them. He will ruin them.

Never leave any type of paper where he can reach he will eat any form of paper. This includes books and magazines.

Never try to get his attention while he’s drinking from his water dish. He will stop to look at you and water pours from his jowls.

If you are opposed to large streams of drool do not ask him to wait for his food. You may slip and fall by what is left on the floor. Rick and I have contests on how long we can make the drool hang. Well mostly me because it totally grosses Rick out. O’ the simple pleasures of life.

If you tell him no and then walk away, he may nip you in the butt or else where. Again, Dad best not to go commando with Brady in the house.

If you are sitting and you tell him no, he bonks you with his nose.

He has a bit of vampire in him. When licking he always goes for the neck.

He is very regular after he eats.

He will "go" on command. Be careful where you say go.

Eats everything, rocks, sticks, bark right off the tree, poop and dead animals.

He is always hungry.

Can not tolerate the heat.

He has a dog bed we call his girlfriend. Every night he takes his girlfriend out on a date. If you know what I mean.

He runs side ways.

His farts are very smelly. Not good when you're in the car.

He knocks things over with his nose. Example full glass of water.

One thing you don’t have to worry about-if you have forgotten where you put his food, he will show you.

I'll Pass on the Halo Please

2007-06-21T03:57:00.001-07:00

The word halo is defined by Merriam-Webster as, "the aura of glory, veneration, or sentiment surrounding an idealized person or thing." Adopting has been a wonderful and exciting opportunity to bring children into our family. What it has not been is some altruistic act to help save a child from a life of poverty. The bottom line why we are adopting from Ethiopia is something much less glamorous. Here it is---we wanted to have children. As simple as that is somehow it gets twisted in the translation. We continue to hear after we tell people we’re adopting from Ethiopia, "What a good thing you are doing for those children." Inside I scream, "Noooooo stop! Don’t put me up on that pedestal. I’ll fall for sure."
Here’s what I do believe. God did not plan for Rick and I to have trouble having biological children. God did not plan for our children’s birth mother to be too poor to provide for them. What God did plan,
"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children." Gen 50:20-21

No Travel Date

2007-06-14T03:53:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a while because we've been very busy. Many have been asking the next logical question, "When do you travel?" Short answer is we don't know. It appears travel happens on average 8 weeks after referral. I can see on the on-line support group the next group to travel will do so in a couple of weeks. They're called group 44. The people in this group received their referral in the beginning of May. That means we could be in group 45 or 46. It depends on how many people received referrals ahead of us and if our case went through the 13 Ethiopian courts without a snag. So we will most likely travel the end of July. I thought once I had the referral I'd be nuts being separated from the boys, I'm not. I've had so much to do to keep me occupied.

The next most popular question, "Have you heard anything new?" Yes bless people's hearts. People who have been in Ethiopia have sent us bits of insight into our boys and new pictures too!!!! We have been told K is very serious and takes everything in around him. T is still shy around the camera but loves to play ball. This was good news for Rick because he wants to play baseball with the boys. The best news I heard was that K is not walking yet. I know its selfish but I want to experience as much of the infancy part of child rearing as I can. So it was with great relief to hear K isn't walking. From a picture I can tell he has at least 2 teeth, so stinkin cute.

We've also found out their birth family probably speaks Kembatigna. Anyone fluent?

My sister in law, S, and I went to register at Babies R Us. We had a fantastic time. So glad she helped me. One brother has given us bunk beds and the other brother has given us a crib. So very helpful on the pocketbook. Someone I work with has blessed us with so many things, books, stuffed Nemo toys (2 so the boys won't fight) and lots of encouragement. Actually many people have given us a lot of support-THANK YOU all!

I've started to write in journals for each of our boys. Things like what happened when we received the referral, our steps to get them, and stuff like that. It will be their story from our eyes.

What else, well anytime I see a child that appears close to T or K age I ask the parents how old the child is and their weight. I'm trying to get that mental vision of what they look like. Last night I was in emergency care (everything is fine-was with a friend-also fine) and saw a little girl who is K's age. Her mother was in her early 20's. I found my self staring. I was watching to see what we are in for and to see how the mother was doing her job-picking up tips. Things like- child steps on toy, tell child not to step on toys. I think I can remember that. Child tries to climb onto table-run over in silly fun voice and say, "What are you doing?" Both being reduced to giggles. Okay I can do that. See now that I have the referral the anxiety of can I actually do this has set in. What if I forget to feed them or something? I do it all the time with plants. Hell I kill plants.

Then the little girl went into the room. Out of the room came tear jerking cries. Yes I sat in the waiting room fighting tears. I was imagining my child going through the experience. Then a little boy T's age came in with his father. He had dislocated his wrist. As his father was checking them in he was holding the little boy. The little boy heard the little girl crying. With a concerned voice he told his father his observation. His father distracted by filling out paper work gave a unconvincing, "Its okay." The little boy continued to listen. Then he said, "Can I go play with them?" I guess if a little boy no older than 4 can figure out what to do with a child even a dope like me will do okay.

You are going to be so loved.

2007-06-02T05:03:00.000-07:00

"Sons are a heritage from the Lord,

children a reward from him."

Psalms 128:3

We have officially accepted the referral. Rick and I have been floating on air all week. A lot of the fun has come from watching other peoples response.

First when we share we have the referral and then when we show them their picture. It's amazing and so appreciated when people get teary eyed. It has happened so many times. Of course everyone agrees the boys are beautiful.

My mothers response was my favorite. When I showed her their picture, of course she was already crying, she kept saying, "You're going to be so loved." Then she would hold the picture to her chest and then look at their picture again saying, "You are going to be so loved."

Earlier this week we have an unexpected treat. One of our agencies social worker is at the orphanage now. She e-mailed us a brief note on each of the boys. I never imagined the joy an e-mail could bring me. Of course as excited as we are we are also aware these boys and their birth family are going through so much. Hearing her tell us a bit of how they are doing helped eased our mind. The members or our agency's on line support group can't say enough positive things about how the children are cared for.

Here's what she said about T.

"T (his brother is K- referred to the Wheeler family): Seems to be adjusting well to HH. He doesn't like the camera for some reason so I haven't been able to get a photo of him. I remember the first day they came to HH. All the kids in the car where crying except for T. He was super shy and kept watch over his brother. I went in to see the new kids that evening and the nanny had some toys on the floor for all the kids. T was rounding up all the toys and giving them to his brother! He then acted as a wall between his brother/the toys and all the other kids. He was very sweet w/his brother who cried a lot in the beginning. T would give him kisses and try to comfort him. He always stayed by his side and kept an eye on him."

I love it that it's in his character to make sure his brother has the toys. He looked after making sure his brother was okay instead of meeting his own needs. I can't wait for him to trust we'll take over caring for both of their needs.

Here's what she said about K.

"K (his brother is T )- i think they were referred to the Wheeler family: Such a handsome little fellow! Beautiful eyes and a wonderful smile. Was playing in his room last night. Loves to be tickled and of course loves getting hugs and kisses."

I knew the transition was weighing heavily on K. It was so good to hear he's been smiling. So glad to hear he likes getting hugs and kisses. Right now Brady is the stand in. (yes of course Rick too) Brady was happy to hear that too because he doesn't like them so much.

We have our referral

2007-05-24T17:06:00.000-07:00

We received our referral on Tuesday. It was totally unexpected. On the last conference call the agency had told us the wait for referrals would take 12 months. Families who were requesting siblings with one child being an infant should expect to wait 12 months. After I threw myself a mental meltdown I settled into accepting it just wasn't going to happen until October. On May 21 I e-mailed my social worker asking her to check out our paperwork to see if we needed to redo any that was going to expire. Then we heard the government was thinking of changing the age requirement for parents. Well, that sent me into a tail spin again. Just read May 22 post. After I wrote that post I read "Our Daily Bread." The scripture was, "Do not worry." Matthew 6:25
I thought good word and there's nothing I can do anyway. Off I went to work. My social worker called. I had a manager in my office and an applicant filling out some paperwork before I was scheduled to give her an interview. My SW asked, "Can you talk?" I told her I couldn't. She asked, "Can you go somewhere to talk?" I thought she was calling about our paperwork. I said I'm just about to do an interview can I call you back? She then said, "You have your referral." When I tell you I didn't expect it I didn't. It was not sinking in. I think I said "what." She said it again. Then I kept saying you're kidding. Then I realized that would be cruel and she's not cruel. By this point I was crying and my SW was crying. The manager had a look of concern so I tried to smile and give her the thumbs up sign to indicate its good tears. After a few more sentences she realized what was going on and she started crying. Boy I really appreciated they were crying with me.

We have two boys. T and K (I can't post any identifing information until they are legally ours). They are brothers. T was born 11/25/04 & K was born 7/12/06. K is 27.9" and weighs 19.8 lbs. T is 36.6" and weighs 24.6 lbs. We have pictures and they are beautiful. I don't think we can post them yet.

T is long and thin. The first thing I noticed about T was how he was trying to help his brother. He has his arm around his neck and is guiding his chin up with his finger for the picture. In both pictures T is smiling. That fact is totally amazing me. Talk about resilience.

K is chunky. In one of his pictures its like he's begging me to kiss him. In both pictures he appears a bit stressed. I can't wait to see him smile. He has cute chubby cheeks.

We need to wait for one additional test results before we can officially accept the referral. After that it will take anywhere from 3 weeks to 3 months to travel. The average is 8 weeks. We'll receive the travel date about two weeks prior.

Please pray for our sons and their families (both here and in Ethiopia).

Kisses In The Wind

2007-05-23T02:58:00.000-07:00

I hold you in my heart
and touch you in my dreams
You are here each day with me
at least that's how it seems
I know you wonder where we are....
what's taking so long.
But remember child, I love you
so and God will keep your strong
Now go outside and feel the breeze
and let it touch your skin....
Because tonight, just as always,
I blow you kisses in the wind.
May God hold you in his hand
until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling,
I'm doing all that I can do
Very soon, you'll have a family
for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always
I blow you kisses in the wind
May God wrap you in his arms
and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses
that I send to you each night
~unknown author~

A Job kind of day

2007-05-22T02:57:00.000-07:00

Remember the story of Job in the bible. God allows Satan to test Job. All sorts of trouble and suffering is sent his way as God and Satan watch. Believe me I in no way think I have the same piety as Job but I sure do relate to him.

There was one other time I related to Job. I was in the hospital with a herniated disk. That was the most physical pain I've ever felt. Lately I'm feeling a lot of emotional pain. We received our monthly update from our agency yesterday. In it they mention the government of Ethiopia is considering imposing stricter age requirements for adoptive families. The agency will try to get families already in the process grandfathered in. They also recommend we double apply to other countries. This isn't good news for us because we've been disqualified from a few countries as a result of age requirements. This sucks or as Job said in 6:11,

"What strength do I have, that I should still hope?"

I want to go back to bed pull the covers over my head and pretend it doesn't exist. Instead I'll try to continue to trust or as Job said in 42:2

"I know that you can do all things;

no plan of yours can be thwarted."

This is where I worry whether or not its God's plan for us to adopt. I'm so ready for this to be over with.

Quieted Heart

2007-05-21T03:24:00.000-07:00

"In quiet whispers of my heart
A gentle voice longs to be heard
Above my loud and anxious thoughts
A soothing tone, a tender word.

It's always there, yet I can't hear
A single work that's spoken there
Until my weary cries give way
To a ready, open list'ning ear.

And then I hear Him softly say,
'Why do you struggle on your own?
When will you learn to trust in Me
Instead of suffering all alone?

Trust in Me with all your heart
You needn't understand.
I'll clear the way as we go
Just hold on to My guiding hand.'

So with each feeble step I take
My trusted Friend leads me along,
And though the way is paved with tears,
When I am weak, then He is strong."

Written by Beth Caldwell

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Written by God

Jeremiah 29:11

Update

2007-05-17T04:03:00.000-07:00

Sanity is overrated

"Experience is a brutal teacher. But by God, you learn."

C.S. Lewis

The adoption process has taught me many things. Some day I’ll share but not today. Today I am cranky and blue. Please don’t try to encourage me with look at the big picture, once you see those children…blah blah blah, be warned if you do I may head butt you. Today I believe adoption makes sane people go insane.

Since we’ve started this whole process I’ve tried to let our experience be very transparent. For a few reasons but mostly so that people will know we are a resource to help others. Yes we are willing to help anyone through infertility or adoption. In the process I’m sure some think we’re nuts.

We’ve been in a foster care program, domestic adoption program, looked at embryo adoption and now Ethiopia adoption. Each program seemingly starts with the man behind the curtain sharing only enough to make you interested. Then once you’re in then you hear and learn more facts that may have effected your ultimate decision. Not for nothing but then you feel a bit cheated, screwed with or deceived. Some of it is just the learning process and some is the natural program process. Many of us who are adopting have already had our hearts ripped out through infertility. We try to stay hopeful but real or imagined delays evoke the fears of will my dreams be crushed again. I feel like a race dog chancing that freaken rabbit that just keeps moving away from me.

When we started in the Ethiopia program we were told referral time for infants was 3-5 months. Then in June it went to 5-8 months, then in September 8-10 months and now we’re being told 12 months. As you know Rick and I are waiting for siblings with one or both being infants or one under four. We are excited to be able to adopt siblings. We have been told the average wait for siblings are 1-6 months. The social workers at the agency warn don’t get to attached to a time frame. This seems to be equivalent to don’t breath. The words AVERAGE in the wait time for a sibling is freaking me out a bit. I see families only waiting days for older siblings. Well if you average that in to families waiting for siblings with one infant like us what does that mean we’ll need to wait twice as long? It seems to me they would be able to give the families who are waiting for siblings with one being an infant a separate referral estimate. Telling me 1-6 months before I’m apart of the bi-weekly calls or the monthly newsletter where I can see for myself what the trend is pisses me off. I want to yell LIER. I can see now because we’re asking for one child to be an infant we’re probably looking at the same wait time as infants. That would place us receiving a referral in October. I’ve fought this realization and continue to hold hope for earlier.

The other thing that is making me blue is the lack of infant referrals in our agency. We’re being told our agency takes what the government gives them and they have no control. Programs go through cycles and a few months ago families that wanted toddlers were frustrated because they didn’t see any toddler referrals only infant referrals. Why do we see other agencies with infant referrals? There were only 5 agencies authorized for Ethiopia and know there are many so less children for each agency.

My sister was teasing me she thinks I’m making the whole thing up. Its true I feel like I’m looking insane. I tell people one month I think we’ll get the referral in April and then only a few weeks later its more like –good grief I don’t even want to say it.

Lastly, we were told more children are being referred with one or two living parents. I thought Ethiopia only allowed orphans to be adopted. Lesson, don’t believe everything you read on the Internet. Unfortunately, many families can’t financially afford to feed all of their children and they make adoption plans for a couple of their children. I wasn’t prepared for that on the call. Needless to say at the end of the call I wanted to go into fetal position and have myself a good cry.

Brady Graduated

2007-05-16T03:46:00.000-07:00

Last night Brady graduated Beginners Obedience Training. He made us so proud. As we drove to his final exam we encouraged Brady by telling him no matter if he passed or not we were already proud of him. This was no stretch of truth let me tell you. After reading Marley and Me, by John Grogan we didn’t have very high expectations for our son. The old aim low and your chances of being pleased increase theory. Also up to a couple of months ago we had an unruly 65 pound hairy Dracula dog.

There has been a big difference between when Brady started his obedience training to now. At first it was all play and he thought he was the Alpha dog. I guess he was. Last night as Rick was bringing him through his routine Brady kept looking up at Rick for guidance. Brady knew he was working. Gone was the playful puppy that thinks we’re his play toys. Last night I saw Brady for the dog he’ll be. Well-mannered (always looking around to see if anyone else would claim the weed he was about to eat), loyal (he never let on that we didn’t practice at all last week), and obedient (yes Brady will still do anything for food). Here’s a list of what Brady learned:
Sit= mastered, no food required
Down= okay with, can trick him into doing without food, inconsistent
Heeling= mastered with Rick, good with me-Blew away our expectations
Sit Stay= mastered, we do this every day with his food
Down Stay= Over all good but still not a sure thing
Watch Me= mastered, again he loves his food
Leave it= mastered with Rick, good with me-again blew away our expectations
Door Dashing= mastered, he’s a gentleman and lets others in and out the door first
Stand= still working on
Recall (come)= still working on but pretty good
Finish to the right= our fault we didn’t practice
Come with a long line= mastered or just dumb luck
Jump= very good

Here's Brady and Rick on their first day of class.

Brady came home to his graduation dinner, steak. He ate it like a king. That was last night.

This morning was a different story. One thing I've learned about Brady is he's much better behaved if we exhaust him. I knew I wanted to blog about his graduation so Brady and I took a walk this morning. We ran, we jumped, we ate garbage, and we ate weeds (okay it was more Brady than me but I was there too). All in an effort to get him good and tired. When we got home Brady grabbed something from under the kitchen sink. He ran into our bedroom. This is a game he loves to play. The rules are: Brady grabs something he knows he's not supposed to have. He runs like a bat out of hell through out the house making as much noise as he can so we'll try to get what ever he has out of his mouth. I don't like this game. This morning in an effort to stop this behavior I grabbed the bottle of bitter apple. I trapped Brady in our bedroom. I was giddy with excitement at the idea of stopping this game once and for all. I imagined Brady never trying this again after getting a mouthful of bitter apple. I was delighted. I was delusional. What really happened was when he saw me with the bitter apple (he's had a taste before and hates it) it charged his energy up even more. I was a bit discouraged but I had him trapped in the bedroom. There wasn't anywhere for him to go and then he did it. That dog started jumping on the bed, running over the bed and going back and forth over the bed as I tried to get him. He was lighting fast and I couldn't keep up with him. Sometimes you just know you have to win a battle and this was one for me. I planned it out in my head-jump and dive on him. He saw me coming and I hit the floor. Shake it off Wheeler I told myself. Okay next plan throw him off by making a strange sound. That did it. I got a hold of him with my weapon of choice-bitter apple in a spray bottle. He saw that coming and clenched his teeth shut so I couldn't get the nozzle into his mouth. Again I chanted my mantra- I must win this battle. I pried open his mouth and shot him with bitter apple. He accepted defeat. We're still working on the whole Alpha dog thing and where he fits into this pack or family. He is now lying next to me sleeping. I wonder if they make a bitter apple for children, I'm kidding.

One Person

2007-05-10T04:00:00.000-07:00

Its amazing what one person can accomplish. You're invited to watch this video on Female Genital Cutting. I saw it on The Goguen Family blog. Click here.

Selam

2007-05-08T03:12:00.000-07:00

How does an 11 year old boy see Ethiopia? Check out this video he made about his favorite place on earth. Click here.

Waiting 7 Months

2007-05-06T05:40:00.000-07:00

How to handle the wait?

Get a dog like Brady. That's like having two children with A.D.H.D.
Eat ice cream
Renovate the dinning room. Bye Bye wall of mirrors.
Still no referral--Renovate the kitchen.
Install new windows throughout the house.
Call your social worker for no apparent reason. You'll find you can get rather crafty with devising reasons.
Gather all the monthly newsletters with referrals and times waited. Punch the numbers into excel to calculate the average wait time for your referral based on previous referrals. If you don't like what you see--drive yourself crazy with all the "what ifs."
Call your home phone several times a day to insure the line IS still working.
Call or e-mail program coordinators repeatedly. Secretly hoping if you're a pain in the neck they'll push you along to get you out of their hair. No laughing, how do you think I graduated High School.
Use bi-weekly call-ins and monthly newsletters as targets. Just focus on making it to the next target.
Imagine every possible scenario of who in the program is waiting for what. Compared to what children come into the orphanage and what our requirements are. All of which no one has any idea about. So you can see this is time well spent.
Scour all adoption message boards.
Brutally hunt out every blog that has anything to do with Ethiopia.
Compare other agency's # of referrals to yours and second guess your decision.
Periodically call up a few compassionate friends in your life and whine or cry or both at the same time.
Still no referral= Eat more ice cream.

H2O

2007-04-29T06:43:00.000-07:00

Water

Can't live with it.

Can't live without it.

Can you imagine having to walk one hour to the nearest pond to retrieve water for your family? Now imagine you know the very water you're about to give your husband, children and parents has mud, worms, or human and animal waste. That's the situation for about 1.1 billion people in the world today. Its estimated 5 million people die every year because of water-related illnesses.

I've partnered with World Vision for years now. I just received their summer news magazine. It's loaded with facts about how water or lack of effects our neighbors. Here are some amazing statistics.

Can't live with it.

The millionaires club no-one wants to join.

1 Million: Number of children killed by malaria each year
1.6 Million: Child deaths due to diarrhea each year
6 Million: People blind today due to trachoma
12 Million: People affected by typhoid fever each year
400 Million: School-age children infected with parasitic worms.
443 Million: School days missed a year because of diseases such as diarrhea and parasitic infections. Equivalent to an entire school year for all 7 year old in Ethiopia

Source: World Vision Summer 2007 & UNESCO

Water-Borne Diseases

Cause: Drinking water contaminated by human, animal, or chemical waste.

Examples: Diarrhea, cholera, typhoid, polio, hepatitis A

Water-Related Diseases

Cause: Being bitten by insects (mosquitoes or flies) that feed or breed in water

Examples: Malaria, dengue fever, river blindness

Water-Based Diseases

Cause: Ingesting organisms that spend part of their life cycle in water

Examples: Guinea worm, bilharzia

Water-Scarce Diseases

Cause: Having poor hygiene or washing with contaminated water

Examples: scabies, trachoma, lice

Guinea worm- When people drink water from a stagnant pond they may be ingesting microscopic larvae. This parasite lives inside the body for about one year, turning into a spaghetti-like worm. Then it escapes from the inside by puncturing the skin. Okay if this doesn't sound bad enough, it can take up to three months for the worm to emerge from the body.

Can't live without it.

Countries where less than half of the population have sustainable access to clean water:

Niger=46%

Democratic Republic of Congo=46%

Mozambique=43%

Chad=42%

Cambodia=41%

Papua New Guinea=39%

Ethiopia=22%

Source: Human Development Report 2006

Remember when your mother would try to cajole you into eating all of your dinner by saying, "You should eat those peas. There are children in Africa starving." Was it just me but didn't you think, "how was my eating green squishy peas going to help them?"

I've recently been told I'm very competitive. Yes I like to win. That's why this problem with water touches me. Its a battle we can win.

Did you know?

When a community gains access to clean water, its child mortality rate drops by half. (United Nations Millennium Campaign)

"And if anyone gives even a cup of cold

water to one of these little ones because

he is my disciple, I tell you the truth,

he will certainly not lose his reward."

-Matthew 10:42

The cost to bring clean, safe water to a community is roughly $2 per person per year-that's less than a penny a day.

Quote from Richard Stearns: World Vision Summer 2006

The world spends $100 billion a year on bottled water-a surprising statistic because most people who buy it usually have high-quality water piped to their homes. Meanwhile, an investment of a mere $30 billion a year would halve the number of people who have no access to clean water by 2015.

Source: Earth Policy Institute

No me eating peas will not stop the children in Africa from starving. Me drinking the clean water piped into my house and donating the money I would've used to buy bottled water will help to provide clean water to my neighbors.

There was another time God's people were thirsty and God answered prayer.

"The Lord answered Moses, 'Walk on ahead of the people. Take with you some of the elders of Israel and take in your hand the staff with which you struck the Nile, and go. I will stand there before you by the rock at Horeb. Strike the rock, and water will come out of it for the people to drink.' So Moses did this in the sight of the elders of Israel."

Exodus 16:5-6

Super Man & Wonder Woman

2007-04-28T05:49:00.000-07:00

We have received all of our vaccinations for our travel to Ethiopia. We feel like Super Man & Wonder Woman, ready to take on anything.

Here's our breakdown.

Rick

Hepatitis A/B Combo

Typhoid VI

Polio

Meningococcal

Yellow Fever

TDaP

MMR (Measeles, mumps, ruffella)

Kateri

Hepatitis A/B Combo

Yellow Fever

TDaP

MMR (measles, mumps, rubella)

Typhoid VI

Polio

Meningococcal

Vaccination Grand Total= $1,447.00 (minus we each need one additional shot from the Hep. A/B series)

Ability to travel to Ethiopia to meet our children=priceless.

Program Update 4 siblings

2007-04-18T03:45:00.000-07:00

No movement, its been the same date for a couple of months. I went back and looked at the referrals. There haven't been many sibling referrals with one child being an infant. Do we continue to hold out for one infant and one under four or do we change our request? If we don't receive a referral by July we most likely won't be able to travel until October or November because the courts in Ethiopia close for 6 weeks around September.

Where's the magic eight ball when you need it?

Who Made Me?

2007-04-15T08:11:00.000-07:00

"There is no path that does not lead to a home."

TONGA PROVERB

I was in one of my favorite stores, Job Lot, yesterday and picked up this book. I had never realized how hard it was to find books, art or dolls that featured African Americans. Never mind trying to find items that show white parents with black children. So when I see these types of items I pick them up.

This book is about a girl trying to find the answer to the question, "Who Made Me?" in the African bush. She asks the same question to different animals. Their answer ties her creator to someone like them and they share their gift that resembles their creator. The book never really answers the question. What it does do is open the door to discussion.

Its a big question. First we know what God says in Genesis 1:27

"So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them."

First we'll explain God created Nemo & Nema. They have birth parents and adoptive parents who both love them very much. We are much more than physical beings. The experiences throughout life make us who we are too.

Our ancestors are a large part of who we are. I believe they contribute both by nature and nurture. The characteristics that we have that resemble our ancestors are the nurture part of who we are. Who hasn't had the experience when they start saying things that their parents said while they were growing up. One of my first experiences happened when I managed a Bess Eaton. I said, "Why can't people put things back where they found them?" Thanks Dad :0) My brothers and sisters tell me I'm like my mother. For good or bad our children will model our behaviors.

Nemo & Nema will have biological ancestors in Ethiopia. We may or may not know anything about their biological ancestors. Not knowing one's biological history isn't a foreign concept only applying to adopted persons. Slaves brought to North America after a few generations also lost their biological ancestral history. I pray we are able to learn about Nemo & Nema's biological family. We'll share and celebrate their birth culture. Together we'll learn about Ethiopia.

The above quote, "There is no path that does not lead to a home." was in the book. At first I didn't really believe it. Then I read 2 Corinthians 5:1 "Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands." Then I realized it is true. We're all on paths. We all will live eternally. In the end it is rather simple. Our paths lead us to one of two eternal homes.

Adoption story

2007-04-07T04:22:00.000-07:00

The blog Leave It To Avery has recently posted their adoption story. It really captures their story and I wanted to share with all. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Avery and Heather thank you for sharing your story with us. I pray God continues to bless you and your family. To see their story click here.

Good Friday & 6 month waiting date

2007-04-06T03:05:00.000-07:00

1 Peter 3:18, “For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit.”

What is Good Friday?

Good Friday is the day that marks when Jesus Christ was crucified on the cross for our salvation. Catholics are also supposed to meditate and pray between the hours of noon to three o'clock in the afternoon. These are the hours Jesus hung on the cross.
Good Friday is called good because on this day Jesus was crucified for our redemption of our sins.

Today we've officially been waiting for 6 months. Our agency tells people who are waiting for siblings they can expect their wait to be anywhere from 1 to 6 months for siblings. Unless you are requesting one child to be an infant. Then the wait can extend beyond 6 months. (That's us)

Every two weeks our agency has a conference call that updates families on who's next on the list. This is done by giving the date the next family sent in their dossier. A dossier is all of the required paperwork the country, in our case Ethiopia, to process an adoption.

It's relatively easy to calculate how much longer you have to wait if you have specific request for infant. Example, if you are waiting for a female infant and you sent in your dossier in November of 2006 and they tell you the next person on the list is June, 2006 you can estimate your wait to be another 5 months.

When you're in the siblings category there are to many variables to take into account. It's not so easy to determine an estimated date. What makes it a bit easier is we know very few people ask for siblings groups. The next family on the list is September, 2006. We're October, 2006. I almost come out of my skin when I say that but I try to stay cool. We've had so many highs and lows. At this point I'm shoving everything down deep. I'll break down when we get "the call."

Of course we don't know how many families there are between September and October. Nor do we know what their requests are. Although I secretly hope they're very specific. Like-two siblings-one male under 12 months and one female under 24 months. See the more specific you are with your request for siblings the narrower your odds of being matched. The major unknown is what children will be brought to our agencies orphanage.

As we continue to wait we've found a song that expresses our prayer for our children. To hear it click here.

The Gift

2007-04-01T04:06:00.000-07:00

"Tis the gift to be simple,

Tis the gift to be free,

Tis the gift to come down

Where we ought to be.

And when we find ourselves

In the place just right,

Twill be in the valley

Of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gain'd

To bow and to bend

We shan't be asham'd,

To turn, turn will be our delight

Til by turning, turning we come round right.

-Shaker Hymn, 1848
It was 1992 when I first heard of the notion to ‘pray for God’s will’ and I didn’t like the idea very much. I had told my Nana about a job I wanted very much and had interviewed for. Her response was, "I’ll pray you receive the job if its Gods will." I went home and told my mother about what had happened. We laughed together at my reaction, which was, "No pray I get the job." To heck whether or not its Gods will. I didn’t get that job but I did get a better job in the end. That was my first lesson in searching for God’s will for my life.

Flash-forward to 2002 I had another lesson in praying for God’s will. Rick and I had spent the year with doctors testing to see if we could have biological children. This time I was a least smart enough to pray, "Lord, I don’t trust myself to do the right thing because my desire to have children is so strong. So please work through my husband for your will to be done." This was my prayer at the beginning of our journey.
After about a year we had our appointment scheduled to hear our final test results as to whether or not we could have children without medical intervention. Rick and I talked about what we were willing and not willing to do. I knew my flesh was weak. I was so afraid my desire to have children would compromise my agreement with Rick. One day I was driving to work and silently prayed, "God I can do this with your help. I need to know this is your will. If it is when I come home from work tonight and I find Rick reading about Abraham in the Bible I’ll know its your will to do what Rick and I agreed to. God it can’t be two nights from today that I find him reading the bible. It can’t be him reading about anything else. If it is, it will give me enough wiggle room to discount our agreement here and now." Off I went to work and forgot about my Morning Prayer. When I came home Rick was no where to be seen. Upstairs I called for him and he answered downstairs. At the top of the stairs I said, "What are you doing?" He said, "Reading." Me, "What are you reading?" Rick, "The bible." At this point I remembered my Morning Prayer and knew the answer to my next question without asking. Me, "What are you reading in the Bible?" Rick, "I’m reading about Abraham." By this point the hairs on my arms where standing straight up. I thought, "Well Rick doesn’t know about my prayer-I still have wiggle room." As the night went on I realized that if God was going to answer my prayer in such an amazing way I couldn’t throw it in his face. That night I shared what happened with Rick.

A few days later we went to that fateful appointment. As we sat across from the doctor who shared the news I was filled with a joy and peace you just can’t explain. Here I was being told that the best science could tell (taking into account my husbands and my agreement) we would not have biological children and I couldn’t have been happier. I felt like the light of the world was within me and I was full of love. My God had spoken to me clearly. Cared enough to answer a quite prayer. Of all the things going on in this world He took time to assure me HE was in control.

That was good enough for me.

Family Suspended

2007-03-28T15:08:00.000-07:00

How often I've thought my children are somewhere in this world but I don't know where. When I say often I mean often. The journey has had many twists and turns. We've been "expecting" since 2003. The possibility of Nemo & Nema being already born is very strong now. We can receive "the call" any day now. This is where the waiting gets really tough.

It's very humbling to think your children are some where and you have no control over keeping them safe. Although I'm happy I've learned this lesson here at this point of our journey. It really is all God. No I'm not completed lost to the fact that we do have control in some areas. If I jump off a tall building I will fall and I will get hurt. In the end, my trust is in God to keep our children safe.

Even still I'll post this heart wrenching poem just in case the people who are issuing the referrals will take pity on me. (I'm kidding, kind of)

Can You Hear a Mother's Cry?
From Michele Cervone Scott
As you look into their faces

Wondering who each one will become

One by one you refer them

To become someone's daughter or son
I wonder

Can you hear a mother's cry

Far across the ocean wide

Until the day she comes to know

When she can bring her dear one home?
You feed, you wipe, you dress them

With tender loving care

Knowing someone, somewhere wants them

And soon they will be there.
I wonder

Can you hear a mother's cry

Far across the ocean wide

Until the day she comes to know

When she can bring her dear one home?
Hearing each case before you

You know there'll be more to come

Children needing families

And parents little ones.

I wonder

Can you hear a mother's cry

Far across the ocean wide

Until the day she comes to know

When she can bring her dear one home?
The wait is long and tiring

But in faith and hope I press on.

Soon our prayers will be answered

And the waiting tears will be gone.
I wonder

Can they hear this mother's cry

Far across the ocean wide

Until the day I come to know

That I can bring my dear ones home.

It's Official

2007-03-21T02:57:00.000-07:00

Brady is a pig. We long suspected. He eats like a pig and he snorts like a pig. Really I'm not kidding, Brady snorts like a pig. It’s like a scene from Green Acres. When he walks around smelling things he snorts like a pig. Last night it was all verified by a professional.

Brady had his first day of dog obedience. We decided Rick would be the official trainer. On our way there I just knew our Brady would be the star student and he didn't disappoint.There were two other dogs. One a black lab. He was one of the best looking labs I've ever seen. The other was a ankle bitter. I can't remember the name of his breed. He was a scaredy cat and hung out in between his dad’s feet most of the night. Look out Nemo & Nema if last night was any indication of what you have to look forward to you both are in trouble. I brought every piece of paperwork we had on Brady to class. Not to mention a camera. I snapped away capturing this very important moment. Can you imagine I was the only one in the group with a camera?

The first thing we learned was the equipment. Our trainer inspected Brady and thought the pincher collar would be a good option for him. Then we learned sit. Well all the dogs knew sit so we had a home run there. Then we learned down. Rick and I have been trying to work with Brady half heartily and knew he resisted this command. When the trainer asked for a volunteer who didn't know the down command and I eagerly volunteered our son. She looked at me a bit suspiciously. Perhaps I was a bit to eager. She told us there was an easy way and a hard way. She soon learned there was a third way. First the easy way. Food in your hand. Raise your hand a bit over his head, then down between his toes and out in front of him bringing him to the down position. We were all very entertained as she did this with Brady. Gee did I forget to mention that whenever you get on the floor he thinks you’re his play toy. He was all over her. Jumping on her, nibbling her arms, and licking her face. She quickly decided Brady needed to learn the more difficult way. Pretty much the same as before but pushing on his back. This technique had the same effect on Brady. He was all over her. Then it came the third way to get a dog into down position. She started to wrestle with him. She was saying things like, "I'm going to wrestle him to the ground." Then it happened, I couldn't believe my eyes, she wrapped her legs around his body and wrestled Brady to the ground. She also put him into a headlock. Well as inappropriate as it was I was in hysterics laughing. Once I realized now I was making a scene it made me laugh harder. Here was a professional doing exactly what I've had to do with Brady many times, wrestle him to the ground and put him into a headlock. Once I realized she was the one to help us and I had better stay on her good side I stopped laughing (out loud). She then worked with Brady a few more times on down and he got better. That's when she said it for the first time, "Your a little pig." Yup Brady would do anything for food.

Next we moved onto heal. Rick and I looked at each other with fear. Brady has never heard the word and has very poor manners on the leash. Quietly I said a prayer for Rick. No wrestling him to the ground wasn't going to help us here. She asked for a volunteer. Scaredy cat dog was still wrapped in between his father’s legs. So the black lap, who might I mention kept laying down falling asleep, was the lucky volunteer. He got it on the first try. Teachers pet. She said that was to easy and looked right at Brady. See I knew he'd be the star and he was. Rick and I both sighed a sigh of relief. It took Brady a bit but the instructor got him to heel by holding food out for him to follow. The whole time she kept saying, "You are a pig." She could've called him anything she wanted. She had done the impossible-Brady was heeling. Next it was Rick's turn. Again it took a bit but they did it.

The last thing we learned. The importance of being able to touch your dog anywhere. Got it, Brady will let us or anyone touch him anywhere. Then most importantly-You must be able to retrieve things out of your dog’s mouth. This one Brady has given us much practice with. Just the other day I preyed open his mouth reached my hand down his throat and pulled out my panties.
Thank God my dog is a pig.

The village

2007-03-19T03:11:00.000-07:00

"However, there should be no poor among you, for in the land the Lord you God is giving you to possess as your inheritance, he will richly bess you"

Deuteronomy 15:4

Check out Bono's speech made to the NAACP on March 2, 2007, click here.

Waiting for "The Call"

2007-03-15T03:27:00.000-07:00

"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."
Matthew 21:22

We have all had the experience of hearing a lot about someone whom you have never actually seen but you have a picture in your mind of what they look like. Your imagination paints a picture of what you think they should look like based on little nuances picked up along the way. Only to find out when you meet them, "They don’t look anything like you imagined." Even though most all of us have had this experience. Some how each time it happens we’re still surprised at this mysterious event.

This is one thing I haven’t been doing with Nemo & Nema. We don’t have some of the basics needed for such visionary day dreaming. Sex is a big factor; we don’t know which gender. Age would be an important detail. No, we don’t know the answers to that question either.

One thing I do replay over and over is what will it be like to meet Nemo & Nema for the first time. I imagine snot flying everywhere. I imagine getting frustrated with myself because I’m crying so much I can’t see Nemo & Nema. Its especially worrisome when I envision the event from Nemo & Nema’s point of view. I image the nannies telling them they’re about to meet their forever Mom & Dad. Their excitement mixed with fear. The nanny will say , "There’s Mom, yes Nemo & Nema she’s the one over there whose eyes are all red and has big globs of snot drooling out of her nose." The first words I’ll hear from them are when they turn back to the Nanny and say, "That's my Mom? You have got to be kidding me?"

Then I pray it’s nothing like I imagine.

Other Ethiopian Blogs

2007-03-13T03:11:00.000-07:00

For those you who may stubble across or lurking on my blog and want to view other blogs of families who have adopted or waiting to adopt from Ethiopia, click here.

Some questions are easy to answer

2007-03-11T05:41:00.000-07:00

Some questions are easy to answer and some are more difficult. When we have Nemo & Nema I suspect people will ask lots of questions. I want to be prepared to answer them. Let's practice how to answer some questions.

Where are Nemo & Nema from? They're from Connecticut. They were born in Ethiopia and are now U.S. citizens.

Who are their real parents? Their real parents, Rick & Kateri, are raising them. They also have birthparents in Ethiopia.

How much did it cost to adopt? The average is between $15,000- $21,000 depending on the country. If someone is truly interested I'll give more details. Often people hear adoption costs a lot and they're validating if its true. I indulge this question so hopefully enough awareness will be raised so employers will give the same benefits to adoptive parents as birthparents.

Why did their parents give them up? This will need to be tailored after we adopt. The short answer is, "Their parents loved them very much and their decision to make an adoption plan was very unselfish. They wanted Nemo & Nema to be raised in a family that would be able to care for them and love them."

How much do you know about Nemo & Nema's real family? I believe you're asking about their birth-family. We know enough to share this private information with Nemo & Nema. Nemo & Nema will decide if and when they want to share this information.

Who loves you baby? We do and we can't wait to get you home.

Fart Proudly

2007-03-06T03:50:00.000-08:00

"He that is conscious of
A Stink in his Breeches,
Is jealous of every Wrinkle
In another’s Nose."
-Benjamin Franklin,
Poor Richard’s Almanack, 1751

Back in Benjamin Franklin’s day, so I hear, people were much more inclined to speak of "hot" issues. They weren’t so concerned with offending another or being politically correct. You could use strong words like fart or even dare I say Lord. People actually let them rip when nature called. Today were so evolved we don’t want to offend anyone. Consequently, we avoid any type of controversy. This has left us impotent in our ability to discover truth or sharpen views through amicable discussions with one another. I recognize this with my self. In the world of adoption as we continue to broaden our understanding of the issues involved it becomes more and more apparent how many people have distorted views of adoption. It’s so easy to see because I saw them in myself first. One view that comes into play over and over is the- aren’t we the Mother Teresa type of people because we’re adopting.

Often when we share with people that we’re adopting from Ethiopia we hear "You folks are very Christian for doing that." Or "That will be one very lucky child." Not the kind of lucky because Rick and I are so very wonderful (although that is sometimes the meaning). Most of the time they mean because we’ll be bringing a child from a very poor nation to a very wealthy nation. Seems pretty harmless huh. Flash forward 10 years when Nemo and Nema is witness to this conversation. What does that communicate to them? That we’re their savior’s. That they’re indebted to us. Not the breeding ground for the foundation of unconditional love type of family.

It has a very subtle delivery of the viewpoint that adoption is second best, second choice, or last resort. My respect and honor to those who it was their first choice. For me it was my second choice. My first choice was the way of Adam and Eve. God had a different plan for me. Like Jesus in the garden I did say, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." Trouble is I put a lot of focus on the first part of the scripture, take this cup away. God is very patient. For longer than I care to admit I tried to convince him to do it my way. I never thought adoption would be my best choice. What I soon discovered is God can change your heart. Its my hearts desire to adopt from Ethiopia. I long for it and dream if it like any expectant mother. Its no longer my second choice. It’s God’s plan for our lives. It’s His will and His will be done (if I just learn to get out of the way).
Because we’re adopting transnational and transcultural children we’ll have many opportunities to be ambassadors of adoption. Helping to dispel false perceptions or stop perpetuating adoption myths. To do this we’re going to have to hit controversial subjects head-on. We’ll need to fart proudly.

We have a digger...

2007-02-23T03:19:00.000-08:00

"The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter

till the full light of day."

Proverbs 4:18

Yesterday I found out my parenting light of righteous is just a flicker. Our son Brady came into the house covered in mud. My first thought was, "Okay our children will come home in mud. No big deal." First I saw his nose. It was black and dripping with mud. His whole nose not just the end. Then I looked down at his feet, his paws up to the half way mark of his legs-covered in black mud. I went to grab him and any time you touch him he thinks you want to play. So Brady gets all excited and jumps on me. Now I have dripping mud all over me. Still seeing this as an opportunity to develop my parenting skills I think, "No big deal. Yes they are my favorite pj's but they can be washed." Next Brady realizes he's wet. What do dogs do when they're wet. Yup they shake. Brady did shake and he shook. I stood watching helplessly as black mud flew all over our freshly painted kitchen walls. The walls my husband has been working on after work and on the weekends. Still completely impressed with how I was handling this unexpected event before work I thought, "That's okay, I can wash the walls and my husband will never see the dotted mud streaked white walls." Before I could address the walls I knew I had to clean Brady up. As I went to get a towel-he took off onto our clean carpet. Okay I can clean the carpet, I thought. Now I was started to talk to my self through clenched teeth. The lighthearted approach was fading and I was doing my best to fake it. So off I go to clean off Brady. Sometimes Brady likes to play keep-a-way and much to my chagrin this turned into one of them. Around the house I chased my mud slinging dog. No longer trying to fake any pretense's of righteousness. This was war. Good against evil. Good-me fighting to keep our house clean against evil-Brady doing his best to sling mud all over my house. Yes finally I get a hold of Brady. As I try to clean him off he continues to play. Play for Brady means continually biting you and grabbing your arms between his arms. No he doesn't bit hard but still a nuance. Now I'm reduced to screaming, "No Brady-Stop Brady" thinking somehow its a volume issue. Apparently he can't hear me. I must yell louder. Just what the neighbors want to hear at 5:30am. Finally I wrestle him to the floor. Did I mention our 7 month old puppy is pushing 60 pounds? I wrapped my legs around his body and put his head into a head lock so I could clean the mud off him. As you can imagine I was a little late for work. When I walked in the someone mentioned, "Running a little late today?" To which I responded, "ya I decided to do a little cleaning around the house."

Where did the mud come from? Brady dug a hole right in the pathway my husband walks in the morning, in the dark, to his truck. Thus, we have a digger. Pray my light gets brighter before Nemo & Nema come home.

I did learn something from this experience. It's okay -I can clean mud off of the floor, dog, kitchen table, dining room table, carpet, kitchen walls, living room walls, heck lots of walls, couches, wood floors, pj's, oven, fridge, and dishwasher.

Happy Valentine's Day

2007-02-14T03:19:00.000-08:00

"Now about brotherly love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other."

1 Thessalonians 4:9

It must have started before but I didn't recognize the change in me until I read how the Islamists wanted to go into Ethiopia to terrorize people. It was the first time I realized I loved Ethiopia. I've read about her and now knew her in a more intimate way. The thought of anyone wanting to bring evil onto to her soil really bothered me. Then yesterday I was watching a Save the Children infomercial and they were showing children in Africa. As I watched the realization of I could be looking at Nemo or Nema came to my awareness. Like many people I've seen those and thought "O those poor people. I'll need to remember them in my prayers." and that was it. I have a connection now to those people through our adoption. I'm not as moved when I hear in other areas of the world of the killing or how people are dieing from the same things as the people in Africa. The difference is my connection with Africa. How can God love the whole world? He created us and you can't get more connected than that. I do believe I'm being taught to love in a new dimension.

Here's a link to an article about Ethiopian Adopting in the US. Click here

Color is more than skin deep

2007-02-12T03:44:00.000-08:00

7 minute video of African-American girls trying to define themselves. Click Here

6-week no hold

2007-02-10T06:50:00.000-08:00

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

Gelatians 6:9

For us adoptive parents our "pregnancy" is filled with learning about our child's birth origin, transracial/transnational, attachment and bonding issues. One piece of advice that keeps coming up over and over again is for at least 6-weeks only Mom and Dad can hold, feed or change the children. This is difficult for a couple of reasons.

First I think of my mother. She has been a real trooper. No one has seen my transparency through this experience more than my mother (other than Rick). My feelings and emotions at times were strong and raw. Others shut down and clearly communicated they wanted no part of that side of the adoption process but my mother was right there, unflinching. I find myself thinking there has to be a special reward for that strong a dedication. The idea of denying her the ability to hold her grandchildren hurts.

The second is helping family and friends understand the reasons why. We've spent countless hours reading and studying these issues. In no way do I suspect we're experts but we do have a bit of knowledge. How do we share all that to help the people we care the most about understand we're looking out for the best interests of our children. The major misconception is young children won't remember anything nor will they grieve. I pray I have the patience to continue to try to educate and challenge this assumption with facts.

The third reason is I suspect we're going to be tired and want help when Nemo & Nema arrive. Will we be able to resist the temptation to let others care for Nemo & Nema to give us a break?

Here is one helpful web site that discusses how to help family and friends understand. Click Here

White Mother, Black Son

2007-02-01T04:00:00.000-08:00

NPR radio show, click here.

How little we've grown

2007-01-31T03:32:00.000-08:00

"All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and

great will be your children's peace."

Isaiah 54:13

I am apart of some online adoption groups and one of the participants shared the attached news link. In the 1950's a Doctor did an experiment to illustrate why we needed to desegregate. The experiment was simple. Take two identical dolls, one white and one black, and ask children which doll was the good doll and which was the bad doll. Black children picked the white doll as the good doll and the black doll as the bad doll. Recently a high school student reexamined this experiment. The results are very concerning and validating.

Concerning because it shows how little we've grown. Validating because of the reactions we receive from people when we explain some of our deliberate approaches to teaching our children to be proud of their race and ethnic origin. The responses show peoples unawareness of the issues and our need to take such deliberate action. At times I begin to wonder am I making to much of this. The video has helped reaffirm our need to teach our children to be proud of who they are.

I don't want to believe we still battle racism. The attached video shows how subtle racism is still active in our society today. I claim the above scripture for Nemo & Nema.

Click here for video.

Katrina's Animals

2007-01-30T03:48:00.000-08:00

"And God said, 'Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.'"

Genesis 1:26

Lots of Katrina and other animals are still in need of homes. Please send to anyone who might be able to help/adopt. Think this doesn't effect you- watch this video:

VIDEO: St Bernard Parish Shelter - Katrina Pets 1 Year Later, click here

For more information about the shelter, click here

Ethiopian Model

2007-01-29T03:35:00.000-08:00

"I am the Lord who heals you."

Exodus 15:26

Sometimes I wonder "why this journey, Lord?" There seems to be two reasons. One is, the experiences that have happened during the journey reveal my heart. This may be a news flash but its not always pretty. However, what ever gets me to kneel before God is a good thing. He has been a faithful healer.

The second reason, is the events have revealed his glory. I have to admit at times I got tired and thought, "Enough with this already. Go reveal your power through someone else." (remember I warned you not always pretty.) Very thankful God is a forgiving God.

Ethiopian Model
I didn't see this but some of the posts are talking about a Ethiopian model on Good Morning America. Attached is a link to the news story. The model, Liya Kebede, has started a foundation to help provide basic medical care for pregnant women and babies. Click here

Rural Ethiopia Ignores Law Against Child Brides

2007-01-19T02:35:00.000-08:00

Someone shared the attached link on one of our adoption chat groups. Please read, there's a slide show too.
Click here

Here's a link to a song written by a mom who adopted. It speaks to those of us who are waiting.
Click here

Timket

2007-01-18T02:56:00.000-08:00

"Timket, or Timkat, is Ethiopian language for Epiphany. Although the holiday commemorating Christ's baptism in the River Jordan is observed by Christians all over the world, Timket is of special significance in Ethiopia. It is the most important and colourful event of the year.
The festival starts at Timket Eve, January 18, eleven days after the orthodox Christmas. Although the festival is largely religious, it has no lack of secular elements such as partying and match-making." This was taken from click here.

To learn more about Ethiopia's Timket click here.

Stretching Faith

2007-01-15T03:38:00.000-08:00

I read once that when a woman is pregnant she'll worry about all the things that can go wrong with her pregnancy. She can think of how her precious little one will come into harms way. People who are adopting tend to call the time between sending in the dossier and "the call" our pregnancy. So I guess I'm good and pregnant letting my fear get a hold of me. Letting my imagination get carried away with images of what could go wrong. Anyway,I think I'm over it. For those of you who prayed for me, thank you.

"But whoso hearkeneth unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil."

Proverbs 1:33

Do not be anxious...

2007-01-14T04:45:00.000-08:00

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6-7

Where are we in the process?

Last week I was on a conference call with our agency. The next person/couple on the list for siblings is in July. Meaning that's when they sent in their dossier. We sent in our dossier in October. So we have July, August and September families ahead of us. Of course that's a bit fluid because of request restrictions. The more restrictions a family requests the longer they'll have to wait. So its a moving target. We're anticipating our referral in April.

The average wait time to travel to Ethiopia after receiving your referral is two months. That would mean we'd travel around June. However, not to be an alarmist, but here's a travel warning I've read recently.

Travel Warning

If things progress in Ethiopia as the Islamists would like we may need to have Nemo-Nema escorted to the US. That takes 4-5 months after receiving a referral. The worse case scenario is adoption from Ethiopia is disrupted.

Really, I didn't expect any more interruptions. This is a really long journey. I'm having trouble with, "Do Not Be Anxious" Thankfully I have a church family that will hold me up in prayer. I thank God for the people willing to be around for the not so pretty moments.

I will choose to listen to the voice of truth.

Ethiopian Dance

2007-01-13T04:51:00.000-08:00

Finally I've found some dance moves even I can do. Yahoo Video has some Ethiopian videos. Its fun to watch them for the scenery and to try to glean a bit of their culture. I plan on showing them to Nemo & Nema. Hopefully by then I'll know if the lyrics are appropriate. The first video is 18 minutes. It's animated and fun. The second is called Manalemosh Dibo. It shows a bit of scenery and culture. Hope you enjoy.

Video 1, Sinziro
Video 2, Manalemosh dibo

A Time For Everything

2007-01-07T14:39:00.000-08:00

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance"

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

Today Ethiopians are celebrating Christmas.

Here's some information on Ethiopian Christmas.

As we were preparing to adopt we learned to replace what we wanted with what God had planned for us. It was a time of healing. Now were in the waiting mode and we're learning more about Ethiopia's culture. We're also learning more about adoption nuances. We are being prepared for the children God has already chosen for us. Thank you everyone in the blog world and adoption groups for so freely sharing your wisdom.

Merry Christmas Nemo & Nema.

Still Waiting

2007-01-06T07:52:00.000-08:00

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful" (Heb. 10:23)

Yes its been a long journey. Yes when I've lost hope I opened myself to enemy attack. There have been highs and lows. I heard a song yesterday that spoke to walking through the valley and then standing on the mountain. I always want to jump over the valley. I never prayed to learn patience but like any expectant mother that's what I'm learning. Probably will come in handy when Nemo & Nema arrive. Did you know an Elephant is pregnant for 22 months? Compared to that I'm not in a bad spot.

I found an article about depression with people who adopt. Its worth reading to be prepared, just in case. That is if your adopting.

http://www.philly.com/mld/inquirer/16164876.htm

Africa's Malnutrition

2007-01-04T03:14:00.000-08:00

I live in a bubble. Why was I surprised children have difficulty learning when they haven't had enough to eat. Well I guess during the wait time I'm getting trained up to be a parent. I'm learning to see beyond my own noise.
Check out this article on Africa's malnutrition. It also has some wonderful pictures in the slide show.
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/28/world/africa/28malnutrition.html?ex=157680000&en=beb0b8beb87d451a&amp;ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

Our puppy

2007-01-02T02:38:00.000-08:00

In September we got a new puppy, Brady. He's named after my favorite TV show, The Brady Bunch. Brady isn't at all like Bubba our Golden who passed away last year. Take this morning, Rick was walking into the bedroom to wake me up and Brady jumped up and bit him in the butt. Here's a picture of Brady helping his dad in the yard.

Happy New Year = Melkam Addis Amet

2007-01-01T06:29:00.000-08:00

Ethiopian calendar
From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethiopian_calendar
The Ethiopian calendar or Ethiopic calendar is the principal calendar used in Ethiopia and is also the liturgical year of the Eritrean Orthodox Tewahdo Church where it is known as the Ge'ez calendar. It is based on the older Alexandrian or Coptic calendar, which is based on the even older Egyptian calendar, but like the Julian calendar, it adds a leap day every four years without exception, and begins the year on August 29 or August 30 in the Julian calendar.
Like the Coptic calendar, the Ethiopian calendar has twelve months of 30 days each plus five or six epagomenal days (usually called a thirteenth month). Furthermore, its months begin on the same days as those of the Coptic calendar, but they have different names, that are in Ge'ez. The sixth epagomenal day is added every four years without exception on August 29 in the Julian calendar, six months before the Julian leap day. Thus the first day of the Ethiopian year, 1 Mäskäräm, for years between 1901 and 2099 (inclusive), is usually September 11 (Gregorian), but falls on September 12 (Gregorian), in years before the Gregorian leap year.

The current year according to the Ethiopian calendar is 1999.

The Power of the Tongue

2006-12-28T09:44:00.000-08:00

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit."
Proverbs 18:21

Initially, I never questioned whether I had control over whether or not I would have children. So realizing that I didn’t came as a shock. At the onset of this journey I made a personal pledge to be transparent in my struggles with infertility. This was a welcome mat for many well meaning but hurtful words from others. Yes at times I was hypersensitive to others. I remember one specific time someone said something very hurtful and I thought, "That was ignorant." Then I realized it really was ignorant. They had no idea how painful their words were. I was able to take the focus off myself and thank God they were ignorant. That meant they were unfamiliar with infertility and all the pain associated. Thankfully God had brought me to a place of accpetance. I trust in HIS plan to build our family through adoption. However, there are lessons that were learned and now shared.

One in six couples in North America will experience a significant infertility problem during their married life.

Here are my top ten things NOT to stay when someone shares their infertility struggle.
1."It will happen quicker if you relax and stop worrying." I’ve had the desire to have children for over 10 years and my age is an issue (or will be).
2."You DO know it takes sex to make a baby, right?" Really not funny.
3."If you want kids, take mine!" Especially nice to hear after a birth mother changes her mind.
4."I'll lend you my husband -- he just looked at me and I got pregnant." So happy to hear it was so easy for you, not.
5. "Aren't you pregnant yet?" No-- and my monthly reminders aren’t enough thank you for filling in the gaps.
6."You’ve got more time to spend together-be thankful." Our love is so awesome we want to share it.
7."You can’t miss something you never had." I’ve had to bury a child no one could see but was real in my dreams.
8."Maybe it wasn't meant to be." Hello rain cloud.
9."Just adopt-you’ll get pregnant." It’s a lot more complicated than you know.
10. My personal favorite…"Think of all the money you’ll save?"

What can you do the help?

1.Let them cry; cry with them. Sometimes we just need to let it out.
2. Pray for them. The power of prayer accomplishes much.
3. Tell them you’re praying for them. It’s comforting.
4.If you have nothing to say, say nothing. Give a hug and ask them if there’s anything you can do to help.
5. Be ready to listen.
6. Don't offer advice unless you are very well informed.
7.Be sensitive and don't joke about infertility.
8.Be patient. It’s hard enough for us to remain patient without concern with yours.
9. Tell them privately when someone close to you both is pregnant. It gives them time to process their reaction.
10. Above all, be there when they need you and show them that you care.

The Unseen Burial

2006-12-28T08:29:00.000-08:00

Before there was a decision to adopt, there was a burial.

This is from the book "Children of open adoption." It is for the unborn child of an infertile couple.
"Today I close the door of the nursery
I have kept for you in my heart.
I can no longer stand in its doorway.
I have waited for you there so long.
I cannot forever live on the periphery
of the dream world we share,
& you cannot enter my world.
I have fought to bring you across the
threshold of conception & birth.
I have fought time, doctors,devils &God almighty.
I am weary & there is no victory.
Other children may someday live in my heart but never in your place.
I can never hold you.
I can never really let you go. But I must go on.
The unborn are forever trapped within the living
but it is unseemly for the living to be trapped forever by the unborn."
by E. Van Clef

All I Really Want For Christmas

2006-12-22T08:09:00.000-08:00

"...You are the defender of orphans...Lord, you know the hopes of the helpless. Surely you will listen to their cries and comfort them. You will bring justice to the orphans and the oppressed, so people can no longer terrify them."
-Psalm 10:14, 17-18
Thanks for sharing the following Ruthie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzIEybWYPqE

Wars and rumors of wars

2006-12-20T14:12:00.000-08:00

I was on a question & answer call yesterday with our agency. One person asked about the rumors about Ethiopia going to war. It was stated they didn’t think if war broke out it would be in Ethiopia. One of the agency employee's who has worked in international adoption for years commented that she has seen many different situations arise in other countries. International adoption was able to continue when there had been wars within the country. International adoption will stop in a country if the government is unable to function. This news was encouraging to the "waiting families."
The next family waiting on the list for an infant boy had their dossier sent in March. It was the same for the next family waiting for an infant girl. The next family waiting for preschool siblings had their application in July. So their wait was about 6 months. The agency representatives are still anticipating a 6-month wait for referral. The travel time is still 1-3 months but the last few have been in two months from date of referral. Based on those #’s our referral may be received in March and travel in May. One thing for sure, it will be in God’s perfect time.

Why Nemo-Nema

2006-12-17T05:49:00.000-08:00

Why Nemo & Nema? When Rick and I first started on this journey in 2002 we got a little tongue tied when referring to our child. There were so many unknowns. So we decided to use the nickname Nemo. It was our way of knowing whom we were talking about. Sounds better than Kid. The name Nemo became such a part of our vocabulary we’d start to use it when talking with friends. So then we’d explain who Nemo was. When we first started our process with our adoption agency we were told we couldn’t request an infant and an older sibling. So it was just Nemo. This past September when I found out the referral for infants had increased to 12 months from when the dossier was sent to Ethiopia I called the agency program director. During that conversation I found out we could request an infant and an older sibling. Thank you God. So that’s where the two nicknames came from. We don’t know the sex or age of either child. Our request is two siblings, either sex, one or two infants or one child under age 4. So now you’ll know who we’re referring to when we mention Nemo and Nema.